No Gastric Pain, No Gain

, , , | Right | August 4, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Health Club]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Can I bring a meatball sub with me to eat during my workout?”

Me: “No, food is not allowed when using any of the gym equipment.”

Customer: “That’s not true. People have those protein shakes in there all the time.”

Me: “Those are liquefied and in sealed containers.”

Customer: *completely serious* “If I blend my sub and put it in a container, would that be okay?”

Me: “I guess it would…”

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Watching Your Back While Working Your Lats

| Right | July 7, 2009

(This gentleman regularly comes to the gym and seems a little bit high-strung, but was always normal before.)

Me: “Good morning, sir, how are you today?”

Customer: “Not very good.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.”

Customer: *suddenly intense* “Have you seen any NAZIS lately?”

Me: “…uh …no?”

Customer: “They’re EVERYWHERE.”

Me: “Oh. Well… I certainly haven’t seen any Nazis lately, sir.”

Customer: “Good! But they’re everywhere. You gotta watch out for them! *leaves to go work out*

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Brawn Over Brains

, , | Right | May 19, 2009

(One day at the fitness club I manage, I am called to the front desk of our gym to answer a question for a member.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Fitness Club]. Can I help you?”

Gym Member: “Yes, I was wondering if you can teach me to do what they are doing?”

(The customer gestures to our pool, which has been emptied due to a crack and has several repairmen on the floor trying to fix it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Teach you to do what?”

Gym Member: “To walk on the bottom of the pool like that.”

Me: “Sir, those gentlemen are repairmen. They are fixing a crack in the pool floor.”

Gym Member: “Oh, so you have to be a repairman to learn how to walk underwater like that?!”

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If At First You Don’t Survive…

, , , | Right | March 4, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gym]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you guys offer swimming lessons there?”

Me: “Yes, we do; our next session starts in two weeks.”

Caller: “Do they teach you how to swim in those classes?”

Me: “Um, yes… they’re swimming lessons.”

Caller: “Okay, because I drowned last time I tried to take them.”

Me: “I’m sorry…”

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Taking “No Pain, No Gain” Too Far

, , | Right | July 21, 2008

(The power generator for the gym has a moderate fire, effectively shutting off all of the power inside. Because the PA system is dead, the employees sweep the gym and escort all of the members outside.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we need to evacuate. There’s been a minor emergency.”

Gym Member: “What? Why?”

Me: “There’s been an emergency. Everyone has to leave.”

Gym Member: “I need to finish this set! I’ll be out in a minute!”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll just tell the fire to wait for you, then. ”

(Meanwhile, firetrucks are approaching the building, and the sirens can be clearly heard.)

Gym Member: “This is ridiculous! I’m gonna talk to management! Where are they?!”

Me: “Outside, because there’s a fire.”

Gym Member: “Uh… let me get my water.”

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