(I am female and I’m at the gym. I go year-round, but this time it’s mid-January, when it is full of people! I am looking for a bar to do some workouts. They come in 20 kg and 15 kg, and you can add weight to them if you need to. I can’t find any on the rack, but spot a 15 kg one unattended. Not wanting to rob it from someone mid-session, I look around as a man walks towards me.)

Me: *gesturing* “Are you using this?”

Man: “Yeah, I am.”

(I go to walk away and he calls me back.)

Man: “I’ll happily swap with you if you find a man’s one.”

Me: *thinking I’ve misheard* “Huh?”

Man: “This is a girl’s one. If you find a man’s one, I will swap with you.”

(I was gobsmacked that he a) thought that weights should be gendered, and b) would say it so openly to my face. And for the record, I use a 20 kg one, adding weights if I need it. And there are some bloody strong women in my gym.)

(I am working out in the gym. There are two ladies on exercise bikes, and one guy seems a little too interested. The guy approaches the two women, with flirtatious eyebrows at the ready.)

Woman #1: “Uh, you might not want to come over here, dude. I just farted. It’s bad.”

Guy: *looks horrified and leaves*

Woman #2: “Oh, my God… Did you really?”

Woman #1: “Psh. No.”

(I am at an acrobatics fitness center where the staff members have a fun and funky sense of humor. I find this sign posted in the restroom.)

Sign: “Please do not flush the following down the toilet: paper towels, feminine products, q-tips, puppies and kittens, spare prosthetic limbs, hopes and dreams.”

(A girl I work with is transferring to a new centre soon, and one of the male coworkers thinks it would be funny to deliver a series of pranks as a send off. His way of “balancing it out” is that she can get back at him. The girl is a really good sport and deals with all his pranks, finding them funny although somewhat annoying. One day, after he has completely covered her desk in plastic wrap, she decides to take him up on his offer to “get back at him,” since her last day is quickly coming. She rearranges his desk and covers it in aluminium foil. I am involved because we think it will be a kick for him to go on scavenger hunt for some of his desk items. I’m on my break and I have the clue for him to find his keyboard, when he comes down after discovering his desk.)

Male Coworker: “Do you know where my computer keyboard is?”

Me: “This is the clue: ‘Your keyboard is in an area you frequent when you need to make sure everything is okay. Go there and you will find your keyboard today.'”

(It is in our basement that has the pool reading levels. To my surprise, he looks away and sighs.)

Male Coworker: “Yeah, I’m not doing this. Just tell me where it is. I need it now.”

(I then realize he is quite annoyed.)

Me: “Uh, okay. It’s in the basement; I’ll take you there.”

Male Coworker: “Thanks.” *sighs again* “I can’t believe [Female Coworker] did this stupid prank. This is so inconvenient!”

(I have to walk with him while he just complains and complains about how annoying the prank is. I try to keep silent until I can’t take it anymore.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but haven’t you been pranking and inconveniencing [Female Cowrker] for a month now?”

Male Coworker: “That’s different; those pranks were good. This is just tasteless.”

(I just keep my mouth shut before I say something I regret. Luckily, my sister who works with me and is also in on the prank doesn’t have any filter.)

Sister: “Wow! [Male Coworker], I didn’t realize you could dish it out but not take it.”

Male Coworker: “I have things to do and this prank is so much worse than what I’ve done to her. I had to completely remove the waste of aluminum foil—”

Sister: “And that’s worse than plastic wrap? Please enlighten me on this.”

Male Coworker: *more annoyed* “I didn’t touch any of her stuff and hide it in different places.”

Sister: “You’re right, you just wasted all her post-it notes on her car, replaced her computer monitor with a broken one, and then wasted a bunch of paper on pointless photocopies of Nicolas Cage. But what she did was so much worse. My apologies.”

(The male coworker left, turning a noticeable shade of red. I guess it was all fun and games until he got a taste of his own medicine.)

(I work at a middle school. While teaching gym, I decide to organize the sports we play alphabetically. We are currently on the letter B and are playing badminton. One of my more innocent students comes up to me, thinking they have a great idea for gym.)

Student: “Hey, Ms. [My Name], is bareback riding considered a sport? Could we play that next?”

Me: *colour draining from face* “Sorry, [Student], we… uh… don’t have any horses here.”

Student: “I know, but it would be fun!” *walks away, laughing*

(I can only pray that he forgets this incident, and doesn’t make the horrifying realization later on in life about what he said.)