It’s Going To Be A Long Night

| IN, USA | Time

(I work at a 24 hour gym. We are the only gym in the area that is open 24 hours and we advertise that as our main seller — it is on our billboards, buildings, website, fliers, etc. One evening I got a phone call:)

Me: “[Gym], [Location]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was looking at your website. How late are you open?”

Me: “We are open 24/7”.

Customer: “So the website is not lying to me?”

Me: “No, sir, it is not.”

Customer: “So if I come in at 3:00 am that is fine?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

Customer: “So you guys are open 24 hours.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Is your pool also open 24 hours?”

Me: “Yes, sir, and the basketball court, too.”

Customer: “So if I come in at 12:00 am and swam for an hour then played basketball for an hour that is completely okay?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

Customer: “Huh, so you really are open 24 hours?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we are.”

Customer: “What if I bring my son?”

Me: “Still 24 hours, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, so just double checking. Open 24 hours right?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, we are, sir.”

Customer: “Cool, thanks, bye!”

Conversation In Headlock Gridlock

| VA, USA | Bizarre

(I am working at the desk, when I get a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is Kate. How may I help you?”

Man: “Oh, well, don’t you sound cheerful this morning! How cute. I knew a girl named Kate… Oh, wow. Can I spill my guts to you?”

(I’m not quite sure what to say, almost expecting this to be a prank call.)

Me: “Um… sure?”

Man: “Well, I know a girl named Kate… and she was a muscle builder type of girl. I’m sure you have those… right? Well, you should’ve seen this. One time at a pool party, she put me in a scissor head lock. She held me there for so long… I couldn’t even breathe. It was crazy. She held me in a scissor head lock.”

(The guy on the phone continued to repeat the fact that she had held him in a scissor head lock while she was in a bikini.)

Me: “Oh, well, that’s quite interesting. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Man: “But you would’ve laughed, right? To see a 21-year-old girl put a 58-year-old man in a scissor head lock… Just tell me you would’ve laughed. I want to hear you say it. And then you would have told her to go and do it to someone else, right?”

(Genuinely creeped out and completely puzzled as to why this conversation is happening, I ask him again how I can help him.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I must move on past this topic. Now, is there anything I can help you with?”

Man: “Yes, I was just wondering how much your memberships are.”

Me: “Okay, sir… Let me direct you to someone in that department.”

(Needless to say, I was confused for the rest of the day.)

Not A ‘Good Morning’ Person

| Norfolk, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I am working on reception, doing 11-hour shifts to cover the Christmas break.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Good morning.”

(He hands me his membership cards.)

Me: “Are these for the gym?”

(We are a leisure centre so we have other facilities in the building, plus I don’t recognise him. We are a small centre and have our regulars.)

Customer: “Yes! And I am still waiting for you to say ‘Good Morning’ back!”

(He just glared at me and made me feel like a piece of crap. Out of nervousness, I laughed, then swiped his card, said ‘good morning,’ and took his debit card payment. He snatched the card out of my hand, grunted, and went off to the gym. I mouthed at my colleague who was standing behind him ‘what a dick!’ which made me feel better. No need for people to be like that.)

Will Not Accept This Locker-Room Behavior

| Germany | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I work in a gym, and we got a new system to lock our lockers two months ago.)

Customer: “What is this s***?” *holding up the card she needs to open the locker*

Me: “Oh, it’s our new locker-system. You don’t have to get one key for each locker now, you can just go to any locker you want and unlock it.”

Customer: “But why didn’t you tell me before!? I was just trying to open these d*** lockers for a half hour!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we already changed it two months ago. I can’t keep asking everyone if they know how to open it, but I will come with you and show it to you.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have time anymore! Just give me my money back for this visit and let me leave!”

Me: “You are paying monthly like everyone else, so I can’t give you anything back.”

Customer: “I WANT 1/30TH OF MY MONTHLY PAYMENT BECAUSE I JUST LOST THIS DAY BECAUSE OF YOU!”

(At this point I call my manager, and he explains him why he can’t get his money back. The customer breaks his card and just walks away.)

Manager: “Do you know his name?”

Me: “Yes, why?”

Manager: “These cards cost €30 each; just put it on his next monthly payment and call me if he calls and complains…”

Dandruff And Huff About It

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at the front desk of a gym that has locker rooms stocked with mouthwash, deodorant, soap, and hairspray. Our showers are stocked with soap and shampoo. One of our members, a middle-aged man, approaches me at the desk.)

Member: “Excuse me, but why does the mouthwash in the showers taste like shampoo?”

Me: “I haven’t actually been in the men’s showers myself, but I know the women’s showers do not have a mouthwash dispenser — only shampoo and soap.”

Member: “The mouthwash definitely tasted like shampoo. I hope it was mouthwash…”

Me: *turning to my male coworker a few feet away* “[Coworker], do we keep mouthwash in the men’s showers?”

Coworker: “No… there’s only shampoo and soap in there.”

Member: *with a worried look on his face* “Oh. Um, thank you. Bye now.”

(The member leaves immediately.)

Coworker: “Do you think he was joking?”

Me: “No, he was definitely serious. That guy gargled shampoo.”

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