Five Days Later

, , | Right | October 27, 2009

(A customer in their 50s walks into my pawn shop, which sells weapons.)

Customer: “Yeah, can you get me that shotgun behind the table?”

Me: “Sure, do you have your license and registration?”

Customer: “Yeah, right here.”

Me: “Thank you, sir. There’s a five-day waiting period for firearms. Come back soon.”

(He looks disappointed, but forks over the cash and walks out. Five days later…)

Customer: “Okay, dude, I’m back. Where’s the gun?”

Me: “Right here, sir…

(I make the transaction and hand him his shotgun.)

Me: “Have a nice day and come back soon!”

(About one minute after the customer leaves the store, I hear several loud shotgun blasts. I look through the window and the man is firing rounds into the air! He then runs into the store.)

Customer: “The zombie invasion has begun! It’s every man for himself!”

(I hide under the desk and press the silent alarm. Five minutes later, the police arrive, taser the guy, and bring him out of our backroom in cuffs. I work at an ice cream store now.)

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Too Much Violence On TV, Even More When It’s Off

, , , | Right | October 19, 2009

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “You shut me off!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems. Let me pull up your account.”

Customer: “I ain’t got no d*** account with you, you rip people off so I figure I’ll rip you off, and then you go and shut me off again!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what address is this for?”

(Customer gives his address and is documented for repeated cable theft.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this account needs to be paid for if you want to have cable service.”

Customer: “No it don’t. I’ll just go on back there and hook up my wires and it’ll come in fine.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is possible, but it’s against the law to tap into lines without a paid account.”

Customer: “Well you better make it harder because I’m just gonna go hook it up again, and you better stop unhooking my lines.”

Me: “I do apologize, but I’m afraid we’ll continue to take down any unauthorized hook ups, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah? Well, I’ll be waiting with a shotgun next time!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too, sir.”

Customer: “No it ain’t! I got the right to bear arms and if you come out here, I’m gonna BEAR ARMS ON YOU!”

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