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Not The Picture Of A Gun Carrier

, , , , | Legal | April 10, 2019

(My dad sells gun parts and gives concealed carry classes when he’s off work. This particular instance happens some years ago when he still owns a Crown Victoria, the most iconic undercover cop car. There’s a knock on the front door and my dad goes to answer it.)

Dad: “Hello, are you [Customer #1]?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have my [certain gun part]?”

Dad: “Indeed I do. If you’ll wait here, I’ll go get it for you.”

(He goes to get the part all boxed up and returns.)

Dad: “Okay, all I need is some ID and you can be on your way.”

(The customer, who has been looking a bit uneasy this whole time, takes out an ID and hands it to Dad.)

Customer: “Here you go.”

(Dad looks at the ID, then to the guy, then back to the ID, and frowns.)

Dad: “This isn’t you.”

Customer: “What do you mean, it’s not me? It’s got my name on it, doesn’t it?”

Dad: “Yes, but the picture doesn’t look like you.”

Customer: “I’ve shaved since that picture was taken!”

Dad: *still skeptical, takes the ID to do a quick check and finds that this man is most definitely not who he says he is* “Sir, going to have to ask you to leave.”

([Customer] ranted and raved until my dad threatened to call the cops and pointed out the Crown Victoria in the driveway. Now suitably afraid, he left without another word. Later that day, another customer pulled up to the house, saw the Crown Vic in the driveway, and promptly drove off.)

Agree With Her Sentiment, Not Her Method

, , , , , , | Legal | February 4, 2019

(I am in a sporting goods store, picking up a shotgun I bought the day before. After signing the paperwork to take it home and getting it out the door, some woman is giving me a dirty look as I walk out of the store with the box. She decides to follow me to my car. After putting it in the trunk and closing it, she starts confronting me out of nowhere, demanding I give up the gun I just bought.)

Woman: “I’m going to have to ask you to give up your gun.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “Your gun. Give it up; you shouldn’t have it.”

Me: “And what makes you think I shouldn’t?”

Woman: “You’re not a cop or a soldier so you shouldn’t have one.”

Me: “And what are you going to do if I don’t?”

Woman: “I’ll call the police and watch them forcibly take it from you.”

Me: “Go ahead and call the police. And I’ll watch them put you in handcuffs for not only harassing me but infringing on my Second Amendment right.”

(She called the police and in five minutes they were there. I’m guessing they were nearby.)

Cop: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Woman: “This man has a gun in the trunk of his car and refuses to give it up.”

Cop: “Miss, calm down and let me talk to him and we’ll get this all straightened out.”

(He talks to me:)

Cop: “Sir, please open your trunk so I can what the problem is.”

(I open the trunk and the cop sees the box that has the gun it. I still have the receipt in hand so I show it to him. He inspects it and sees nothing wrong.)

Cop: “Okay, this checks out. You purchased it yesterday and waited the twenty-four hours to pick it up. So what appears to be the problem here?”

Woman: “He’s not a cop.”

Cop: “How do you know that?”

Woman: “He’s not in uniform.”

Cop: “So? He could be off duty.”

Woman: “He shouldn’t own one.”

(The cop turns to me again.)

Cop: “Sir, I hate to ask but can see a form of ID and your FOID card?”

(The Firearm Owner’s Identification card is required in Illinois.)

Me: “No problem, officer.”

(I hand him both and he examines them.)

Cop: “Well, miss, he is of age to buy one and this FOID card — which is pretty recent — allows him to own it, so I don’t see a problem here.”

Woman: “What about the background check? I bet he didn’t pass it.”

Cop: “Miss, if he didn’t pass a background check he wouldn’t have left the store with that gun let alone even have that FOID card.”

Woman: “Well, I bet he lied about it just to have it.”

Cop: “Look, miss, I don’t care about what you think because right now you are harassing this man and wasting my time, both of which are arrestable offenses.”

Woman: “I am not leaving until you do your job and take his gun away.”

Cop: “Miss, he has down nothing to warrant that. Now, final warning: leave it alone or I will arrest you.”

Woman: “No. Guns are evil and no one should own them.”

(She was arrested right there. The cop apologized to me for the trouble and told me to be safe getting home. Glad the cop actually did show up otherwise that could’ve gone on forever.)

Should Join The National Reading Association, Instead

, , , | Right | April 2, 2018

(Guns come with different size barrels, or calibers. You have to buy the right size bullet for your gun’s dimensions in order to fire it. I am waiting for an associate to check something for me when the shop phone rings. Another associate picks it up, and everyone in earshot overhears his side of the conversation.)

Associate: *after listening for a moment* “No, sir, I apologize, but we do not accept returns on ammunition.” *pause* “I understand, but we can’t resell it because we can’t guarantee what was done to it after it left the shop.” *pause* “Right. Yes, sir, and I’m sorry for the inconvenience. But if you’d like to come back in, we can help you find the right kind.”

(There is another pause and then he hangs up.)

Associate: *to coworker* “Guy didn’t check which caliber he needed before he bought his ammo. He’s coming back, just a heads up.”

(The associate helping me came back and we went to another part of the store together. Once I finished, I passed back by the front counter, where a customer was arguing with the associate over returning the ammo he had purchased earlier in the day. The poor associate was trying to explain the store policy — pretty much the same as everywhere you could buy ammo — while the customer yelled at him. The kicker? When I went to push open the only entrance and exit door, I was face to face with a three-foot stop sign sticker that said, “All ammo sales are final!” in giant letters!)

These People Are Still Allowed To Buy Guns

, , , | Right | November 25, 2017

Customer: “Aye, man, you ever heard of that new gun called the [Gun]? It’s like a .380.”

Me: “Negative. Who makes it?”

Customer: “Uh, those guys.” *pointing to a [Brand] gun*

Me: “A [Brand] [Gun]? Negative. Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Ah, you know, man, I read online that it had all types of technological issues.”

Me: “Really? Like what?”

Customer: “I read that the gun goes off without any bullets in it.”

Me: “Let me clarify; the gun has no ammunition in it, and no round chambered?”

Customer: “Yeah, man, and it still goes off.”

Me: *walks away*

Weekend Roundup: Don’t Mess With Employees

, , , | Right | February 19, 2012

Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

Don’t Mess With Employees! This week, we feature five stories that teach misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees.

  1. In Real Hot Sauce Now:
    A young teenage employee decides her dignity is worth more than £3.71 and dealing with a cowardly manager.
  2. A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’:
    A customer tries to rough up an employee, but ends up getting roughed up by the manager instead.
  3. Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists:
    Teenage robber, meet Doug. Doug is our new pharmacy tech. Doug is also built like a fridge.
  4. Who’s Got The Power Now:
    Tech support is happy to support your technology. Supporting your potty mouth, not so much.
  5. Your Prank Got Spanked:
    A prank caller picks the wrong, well-armed store to call.