Not Wii-motely Possible

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2013

(It’s New Year’s Day at a popular gaming retail store. A disgruntled customer who appears to be a little caffeinated and twitchy walks up to the cashier, who is also the assistant manager. He slams a Nintendo Wiimote in poor condition on the counter. Not only has it clearly been used, but it’s crusty and looks very unsanitary.)

Customer: “Listen, I know you guys can’t give cash refunds without the receipt, but you’re going to have to do it. I’m the customer, so I’m right.”

(The assistant manager remains silent and looks at the Wiimote, obviously hesitant to touch it.)

Customer: “I used to work for [Game Shop] ten years ago, so I know how things work! Give me my cash!”

(My assistant manager looks to the cashier knowingly.)

Customer: “If you want, I can call the manager and he’ll tell you to do it! Give me my cash now!”

Assistant Manager: “You’re more than welcome to call the manager, but if you worked for [Game Store] 10 years ago, then you should know things may have changed. The manager you used to know probably doesn’t even work for this chain anymore.”

Customer: “Give me my f***ing cash!”

Assistant Manager: “You just crossed the line by cussing, sir. There are children present. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “I’m the f***ing customer!”

Assistant Manager: “Get out!”

Customer: “F*** you! You guys are f***ing r*****s!”

(The customer storms out of the store after grabbing his Wiimote.)

Me: “Well, that’s one way to start of the New Year!”

Assistant Manager: “Coming in here and cussing is not a good way to get what you want. I hadn’t even said ‘no’ yet. Although even if I could give him a cash refund for a ‘used’ controller, it was so crusty and disgusting that it looked like he dropped it in the toilet and then used it!”

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Fresh Until Proven Spoiled

, , , , , , | Right | September 1, 2011

(A customer comes to the return desk the day after Christmas.)

Customer: “This ham smells off. Smell it. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry that it was off, sir. I’ll refund you now.”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to smell it?”

Me: “Um… it’s okay. I believe you.”

Customer: “It smells terrible!”

Me: “I’m sure it does, sir, but it’s not necessary for me to smell it. I’ll just give you a refund.”

Customer: “How do you know I’m not lying if you won’t smell it?”

Me: “Sir, I am not going to smell your ham.”

Customer: “SMELL MY HAM!”

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Lack Of Support Is A Hot Topic

, , , | Right | October 29, 2010

(It’s about 32C (89F) outside, so pretty hot. A lady comes into the shop wearing an enormous, thick fleece sweater and comes up to a colleague and myself at the desk.)

Customer: “Warm today!”

Me: “Certainly is! Can we help you?”

Customer: “I need an outfit for a wedding. But now I’m here I think I’m too hot to try on clothes. Here, feel how hot I am!”

(Before I can stop her, she grabs my hand from the desk and wipes it across her very, very sweaty forehead. I’m speechless.)

Customer: “See?!”

Me: *trying to discreetly wipe my hand on my leg* “Yes, you’re clearly very hot indeed. Maybe you could find some clothes and try them at home? You can return them, that’s no problem.”

Customer: “Oh, I may as well now I’m here. I could also do with being measured for a new bra. Have you got any fitters in today?”

(My colleague, who is the store’s lingerie specialist, suddenly goes wide-eyed and jumps in immediately.)

Colleague: “I… No. No, we do not! Not today.”

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One More Of These And I’ll Squit

, , , , | Right | October 3, 2010

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken salad.”

Me: “Alright.”

Customer: “Is there MSG in it?”

Me: “There might be some in the dressing, I can check for you. Are you allergic?

Customer: “No, it just gives me diarrhea.”

Me: “Uh… okay?”

Customer’s Friend: “That’s too much information!”

Customer: “No she needs to know. You need to know right?”

(Pause.)

Me: *nervous laughter* “Oh, absolutely.”

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Driving All Night Will Burn Rubber

, , , , , | Right | September 22, 2010

(A couple in a car comes through the drive-through.)

Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Do you know of anywhere around here that is open at this time of night, and sells condoms?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, everything is closed.”

Customer: “Alright, thanks.”

(The customer drives away, and comes back fifteen minutes later.)

Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Hi, could I have a blueberry muffin wrapped in lots and lots of plastic wrap?”

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