Homeless Meets Thoughtless

, , , , | Right | May 30, 2010

(A woman comes up to me while I’m taking down the dried out, bad corn from the display.)

Customer: “You just throw those away?”

Me: “Yep, we have to throw out the bad ones.”

Customer: “You mean they don’t donate it to the poor or anything?”

Me: “Well, no. Our store does donate to the unfortunate, but it’s usually money or fresh product.”

Customer: “But poor people are used to eating bad food! They eat out of the trash all the time! You don’t have to give them good food!”

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At Least They Enjoyed The Spew

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2010

(I’m doing exit greetings to the leaving guests and a woman walks out with her son.)

Woman: “Just to let you know, my son threw up in there.”

Me: “Oh… okay, ma’am. Thanks for letting me know.”

Woman: “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I pushed most of it under the seat anyway.”

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How About A Sample Of Maturity

, , , | Right | April 15, 2010

(I am working at a shaved-ice stand.)

Me: “Hello! What would you like today?”

Customer: “My son would like to try a root beer shaved ice!”

(I make a root beer in a sample cup, but the customer takes the cup instead and tries it herself.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is GROSS!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “This tastes like CLOVES! Ewwww! I don’t like CLOVES! This is GROSS!”

Me: “Would you like to try another flavor?”

Customer: “My son would like to try s’mores.”

(I make a s’mores flavor in a sample cup, and just like last time, the customer tries it instead of her son trying it.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is GROSS! I don’t like this!!”

(A few minutes later…)

Customer: “He’ll take a medium lemon-lime wedding cake flavored shaved ice. Oh, can we get a straw too?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I hand the customer a plastic bendy straw, who sticks it in her son’s shaved ice and takes a sip.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is gross!! This straw tastes funny!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. How does it taste funny?”

Customer: “It… it tastes like PLASTIC!! Ewww!”

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Pissy Comitatus

, , , | Right | April 5, 2010

(While waiting for his appointment, a client abruptly gets up and leaves. When he returns, he is furious.)

Client: “Why do you lock people out of your bathrooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have a key here. I’m happy to give it to you. The building keeps the restrooms locked so that people can’t walk in off the street and use them.”

Client: “Well, what good does that do me now? I thought I wasn’t allowed in, so I had to pee in the parking lot.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you peed in the parking lot?”

Client: “You people left me no choice!”

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