Without Money, You’re Just Funny

| South Dakota, USA | Money

(I work at the customer service counter at a grocery chain. We sell tickets for the state lotteries. A disheveled-looking gentleman approaches the counter and buys a ticket.)

Customer: “What’s the [lottery name] up to?”

Me: “The current jackpot is [amount].”

Customer: “That’d be kind of nice, you know. I’d be eccentric if I had that much money. Right now, I’m just weird!”

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To Conjugate A Thief

| San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

(Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

(Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

(The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)

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Your Mood Speaks Volumes

| Berlin, VT, USA | At The Checkout, Top

(A customer obviously having a bad day comes through my line. She throws her stuff down on the belt.)

Me: “Did you find everything—”

Customer: “JUST DO YOUR JOB!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I give her the total, and she all but throws her money at me and rips her change out of my hand.)

Customer: “TOOK LONG ENOUGH!”

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

(The next day, the same customer comes through my line. I greet her and start putting her items through.)

Customer: “Look, I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I was having a bad day and had no right to treat you that way.”

Me: “That’s alright, ma—”

Customer: “NO! IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT ALRIGHT!”

We Love To See You Smile

| North Carolina, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

(I am having a terrible day at work, and haven’t smiled once. I have just finished ringing up an older couple’s order.)

Me: “Have a good day.”

Older Customer: “Do you have any paper?”

(I give the customer some receipt paper. He gets a pen, quickly scribbles something on the paper, and hands it to me.)

Older Customer: “Everyone deserves to smile.”

(The customer then walked away. I looked at it and he had drawn me a flower. I still have it. :) )

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This Sale Has No Future

| Bensalem, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Time

(Note: It is a Sunday afternoon.)

Customer: “How much is a bag of mussels?”

Me: “They’re $2.99.”

Customer: “Are they on sale?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Customer: “How long are they going to be on sale?”

Me: “They’re on sale until Saturday.”

Customer: “So, do you mean next Saturday, or yesterday?”

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