Dog Gone Crazy

| North Miami, FL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A customer who doesn’t seem to speak much English walks up to me.)

Customer: “Where is chili?”

Me: “Are you looking for chili mix or pre-made chili?”

Customer: “Is chili in can?”

(I tell him where to find the canned chili. A few minutes later, he comes up to me again.)

Customer: “Sorry, I no find it. Help please?”

Me: “Do you know what brand it was?”

Customer: “It has picture of dog.”

Me: “A dog logo? I can’t think of a brand that makes chili and has a dog logo.”

Customer: “Is called… ah… What is it… um… [dog food brand]! Yes, that’s it! [Dog food brand] is name! The one with the dog!”

Me: “Sir… [dog food brand] is a brand of dog food.”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! Is chili with dog picture! Where is it? My family love it!”

Not Being Paid To Navel Gaze

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(My customer is an old friend I have not seen since high school.)

Customer: *showing off her belly* “Seven months! The baby kicks sometimes, do you want to feel?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I finish with my customer, and move on to the next customer in line, an older man.)

Customer: *rubbing his belly and grinning* “Mine growls sometimes! Wanna feel mine too?”

Knocked It Before He Thai’d It

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(Our store has a hot lunch station, which includes soup made in house.)

Customer: “Is there a schedule for the soups? Like, is it the same thing week after week?”

Me: “It is right here.” *pointing to this month’s soup menu*

Customer: “It seems like the soups lately have all been kind of, well, leftish fringe. All red lentils and stuff.”

(He scrutinizes the menu, muttering to himself.)

Customer: “Ha! ‘German Sausage and Potato’. That’s normal. Who knows what the h*** is in ‘Thai Curry’."

Not Quite Streets Ahead

| USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(I am checking out a customer and taking their details.)

Me: “Ma’am, what is your street name?”

Customer: “I don’t really have one of those. I usually just go by Shanice.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I meant the street name where you live.”

Customer: “Oh, I knew that!”

Source: Pope Michael

Don’t Take Customers At Face Value

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “You look like a serial killer!”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yeah, you look exactly like you’ve killed a someone, then locked them in your basement. But maybe that’s just the kind of person you look like. I don’t know, I’m not here to judge.”