A Sweet For The Not-So-Sweet Old Lady

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I am a cashier in a grocery store that has a basket of free suckers at each register. They’re supposed to be for kids, but every now and then an adult will ask for one. We usually don’t mind. An elderly customer and her middle-aged daughter come through my checkout lane.)

Elderly Customer: “Oooh, suckers! Are they free? I want a sucker!”

Daughter: “No, those are for kids.”

Elderly Customer: “I. WANT. A. SUCKER!”

Daughter: “No, mom, they’re for little kids. You’re not a little kid, are you?”

Elderly Customer: “YES I AM! NOW GET ME A GOD-D*** SUCKER, B****!”

(I just hand the elderly customer the basket, and back away slowly.)

His Magnetic Personality Won The Day

| Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Top

(I am an African-American male. When I was 13, I was in a car accident that has left me with a little bit of a limp since. I have two metal rods in my leg from the accident. An elderly customer comes into my lane for checkout.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today ma’am? Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Elderly Customer: “Actually, I couldn’t find this brownie mix.”

(The customer shows me a coupon for the mix.)

Me: “Oh, I can get that for you! Just a moment!”

(I start to walk away. My limp is showing, as it always is. I hear the woman speak up from behind me.)

Elderly Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes?”

Elderly Customer: “I know that you guys like to walk like that, but could you hurry? I’m in a bit of a rush!”

Me: “What do you mean, ma’am?”

Elderly Customer: “The way you young lazy n****** walk these days. I’m surprised your pants are even up!”

(Now I get what she’s saying, and I feel I should show her something. We keep fridge-magnets for sale near the checkout. I call out to a nearby coworker)

Me: “Hey, [coworker], can you toss me a magnet?”

(My coworker tosses ones to me, and I stick the magnet to my leg.)

Me: “My mother and I were hit by a drunk driver when I was 13 years old. I am lucky I can even walk, since my leg is held together by metal rods.”

(The customer is now screaming incoherently; the only words that could be made out are racial slurs and shrieking. My manager walks up.)

Manager: “Excuse me, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store immediately. You cannot speak to my employees like that.”

Elderly Customer: “Fine! I don’t care! I wouldn’t buy anything any n***** touched anyway!”

(The customer continues screaming the whole way out, slowly being drowned out by people cheering her out. When I look at who has been behind her in the line the whole time, I see the girl from the coffee shop next door. I have had a little crush on her for a while. She says that was the most amazing thing she has ever seen, and asks me out!)

They Taste A Bit Brimstoney

| Roseburg, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Religion

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I bought some shrimp the other day, and would like to return them.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “The shrimp’s souls are in Hell.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well they are freezer burned, and since they are ‘burned’, that means that their little souls are in Hell. I just can’t eat anything that has been damned.”