Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 15

| USA | Romantic | January 25, 2015

(My husband and I are shopping in a grocery store. I’m pregnant and not feeling great. My husband has a tendency of claiming anything he does is out of sympathy for my pregnancy. We’re in an aisle that we will be leaving soon, I think. I bend over to grab something off the shelf and fart by accident, but it’s silent. I get self-conscious.)

Me: “Hey, are we done in this aisle?”

Husband: “We need to leave RIGHT NOW.”

Me: “OKAY.”

(We scoot on out of there and he whispers to me.)

Husband: “I farted in that aisle. It was pretty bad.”

Me: *touched* “I did, too. It was also pretty bad.”

Husband: “This is how I know we are meant to be together.”

Me: “Psh, I’m pregnant; what’s your excuse?”

Husband: “Uh… sympathy fart?”

Related:
Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 14
Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 13
Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 12

New Ways To Sleep On The Job

| Muskegon, MI, USA | Right | January 23, 2015

(I am a small, twenty-year-old female working the closing shift at my store. A very large, unclean looking man is at my till about fifteen minutes before close. He’s been silent up until I’ve started ringing up the last items he has.)

Customer: “You get out soon?”

(I don’t find this question odd, as many people ask it just to make conversation.)

Me: “We close at eleven, so ,yeah. I get out just a little after that.”

Customer: “Do you want a job working for me?”

Me: “Uh… no. That’s okay. I already have a job here, and I don’t really have time for a second job. Thanks, though. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Well, it’s only nights. You don’t have plans after work, do you? The job pays well.”

Me: “Actually, I do have plans. My boyfriend is picking me up after my shift.”

(The man grumbles something incoherent, pays with food stamps, then leaves. My manager comes over, to help close my register down.)

Manager: “What was that about?”

Me: “I’m not sure. I think he was trying to pay me to sleep with him.”

Manager: “You know, I was wondering if that’s what was happening.”

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In For A Penny, In For A Pound Bag

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | January 17, 2015

Boyfriend: “Baby carrots are $0.99 for a one pound bag and $1.99 for a two pound bag.”

Me: “I need two pounds.”

(My boyfriend grabs a two pound bag and a customer next to him does as well.)

Me: “You know, it’s technically cheaper to buy two one pound bags—”

(The customer next to my boyfriend suddenly SLAMS his carrots down, snatches two one pound bags from the display and SPRINTS away.)

Me: “…by one penny.”

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That One Is A Bad Egg

| PA, USA | Right | January 16, 2015

(I recently started working at a local grocery store as a cashier. One of my duties is to inspect eggs to make sure they haven’t broken in their carton before the customer buys them. I do this as a woman is unloading the rest of her groceries. I pick one up delicately with my recently-washed fingers because I thought I saw a crack running to the bottom. The woman mutters something about needing to get more eggs and disappears. I think nothing of it until she comes back and hands me the new eggs. I open the carton to check them.)

Woman: “I already checked them! You don’t have to do that!”

Me: “Sorry, miss. Force of habit.”

Woman: “Well, stop it! That’s the whole reason I went back to get another carton! I don’t like people manhandling my eggs!”

(I become very embarrassed because I have impaired hearing in the ear that was facing her and realize I didn’t hear her asking me to not touch the eggs with my hands.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, miss! I didn’t hear you. It’s policy for me to check—”

Woman: “No! No one has EVER done that to me before! Where is your manager? This is unacceptable! I WILL NOT TOLERATE YOU MANHANDLING MY EGGS!”

(She thrusts the first carton of eggs at me and instructs me to get rid of them. I finish the transaction as quickly as possible, apologizing profusely as I go, but nothing placates the customer and she continues to rant about how I’m “clueless” and “no one has ever manhandling her eggs like that before.” She leaves in a huff and my next customer comes forward. He gives me a good-natured grin.)

Next Customer: “You can manhandle my groceries anyway you want!”

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Wade-ing Through The Spiderman Comparisons

| LA, USA | Friendly | January 15, 2015

(I’m walking down an aisle, minding my own business, when I feel a tug on my jacket. I see a little boy who is about eight years old smiling up at me.)

Little Boy: “Miss, miss! I like your Deadpool jacket!”

Me: *smiling* “Thanks! At least you knew it was Deadpool. Most people think it’s Spider-Man!”

Little Boy: “What?! That’s not Spider-Man! How could they confuse them? Spider-Man has black web designs on his mask!” *turns around and calls down the aisle* “Mom! Mom! She has a Deadpool jacket! Where did you get it?”

Little Boy’s Mom: “I’m so sorry!”

Me: “It’s okay!” *to the little boy* “I got it from Walmart a couple weeks ago.”

Little Boy: “We’ll have to look for one for me! I like Deadpool more than Spider-Man!”

(Best. Kid. EVER!)

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