Pass The Buck To Your Manager

| IA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am stocking the liquor section. An older customer comes up to the register. He is wearing cut-off jeans going three quarters of the way up his thigh and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his belly button.)

Customer: “I want the liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

Me: “Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I want that liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

Me: “Do you know the name of this drink?”

Customer: “No, but I know it is made of deer’s blood.”

(I call over the manager who deals with the liquor section.)

Me: “Do we have a liqueur made of deer’s blood?”

Manager: “I don’t think we stock anything like that. Let’s look.”

(We look for a while and I eventually take a bottle of Jägermeister off the shelf.)

Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

Walking A Mile With Another Man’s Candy

| Charlotte, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am checking out a customer.)

Me: “Hello! How are you doing today?”

(The customer just mumbles something. I am scanning his groceries. I am almost finished when he says something to me.)

Customer: “Grab me a couple of sneakers back there.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “Get me two sneakers from over there!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I do not understand what you are asking for.”

Customer: “Are you stupid or deaf? A COUPLE D*** SNEAKERS! RIGHT BEHIND YOU! JESUS CHRIST!”

Me: “Sir, there is no need to take that tone with me, as I am neither deaf or stupid.”

(The customer is getting furious with me. The next customer behind him in line tries to clarify the misunderstanding.)

Next Customer: “I think he’s asking for SNICKERS Candy Bars.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m sorry, sir. I’ll get them for you.”

Customer: “Never mind! If you’re too f****** stupid to understand what I am asking for, what the h*** are you doing workin’ with customers?!”

Me: “Sir, I apologized for not understanding you. But you can not and will not talk to me in that foul manner. There are children around. Even if there weren’t, you should never speak to anyone like that. That is completely uncalled for!”

Customer: “F*** you! Give me my d*** change!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(He finally gets his things and leaves. The next customer steps up.)

Next Customer: “I didn’t understand him at first. I thought he was asking for a d*** pair of shoes!” *laughs*

Three Is A Magic Number

| Louisville, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

(We have a coworker who keeps getting obscene, prank calls. One day I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *muttering* “You can f*** me.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Could you please repeat that?”

Caller: “I said, you can F*** ME!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t do that over the phone. You’ll have to come into the store. Or perhaps you’d like to involve my husband for a threesome?”

Caller: *hangs up*