A-moooo-sing Explanations

| Pensacola, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(As a grocery store bagger, I often help people load their items into their cars. Tonight, as I walk out the door with a customer, she notices milk all over the parking lot.)

Lady: *casually, without missing a beat* “Oh, a cow exploded…”

Related:
A-moooo-sing Customers

Pray That It Be Rhetorical

| UK | Rude & Risque

(We have a policy of “up-selling” specific products, meaning we offer them to every customers. This particular week, we’re up-selling pineapples. A middle-aged man approaches the till and I process his items.)

Me: “Thank you. That’ll be £X.XX. Would you like a pineapple? They’re only £1.”

Customer: “Would you like to rip my trousers off and have your wild way with me?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “We all have questions.” *pays and leaves as if this is normal*

Employee Of The Century

| Little Rock, AR, USA | Top

(I’m a customer at the checkout stand of a grocery store. I overhear the following conversation between a manager and an employee.)

Manager: “We’re giving you a raise, from $7.25 to $8.25.”

Employee: “Since when is what I do suddenly worth a dollar an hour more?!”

Manager: “Since you’ve been here 3 years, you’ve never taken a sick day, never taken vacation, and never been late. Heck, you haven’t even taken a holiday off!”

Employee: “Your point? That’s expected of me. Required of me. I don’t know why that’s worth that much more.”

Manager: “So…you don’t want the money. I don’t understand.”

Employee: “No. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve been doing the same thing, 40 hours a week, every week.”

Manager: “What about a promotion? Assistant Manager?”

Employee: “Why? I’m perfectly happy here where I am at.”

(The manager stands there, completely shocked and in total disbelief.)

Employee: “Seriously…” *randomly points at another employee* “…I’d give it to him. ”

Manager: “Alright.”

(The manager calls the other employee in, gives him the promotion and the raise. The other employee hasn’t been there 8 months, but of course promptly accepts and is dismissed by the manager.)

Employee: “May I get back to sweeping now?”

Manager: “Yeah. Sure, whatever…”

Yes, Your Royal Prawncess

| South Carolina, USA | Food & Drink

(I’ve just started my shift when I am called to a register. The customer is ranting about an item that is not on sale.)

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “This shrimp is not scanning right. I made a special trip for it and you people are going to be sued for false advertising!”

Me: “I do apologize, but this is the wrong shrimp. Would you like me to get the correct one?”

Customer: “The wrong one? No, it’s not!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is. The label and ad states the $8.39 shrimp is on sale. This is the $9.99 shrimp.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I shouldn’t be expected to read labels! I should get anything I want because I am special!” *storms off without her shrimp*

A Solemn Resignation

| Missouri, USA | At The Checkout

(An old male customer walks up to my register.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: “I’m old and ugly!”

Me: “Well, thats not a very nice thing to say about yourself.”

Customer: “You, on the other hand, might get old, but never ugly.”

Me: “Aww, thanks.”

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