Has A Vocation For Location

| Rochester, NY, USA | Geography, Top

(I work in a very high end grocery store, with many rich customers. I approach a lost-looking customer.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I doubt it; the last time I shopped here no one could help me find a d*** thing!”

Me: “Sorry about that, sir. I know where everything is, and I’m sure I can help you if you’d like.”

Customer: *sarcastic* “Oh really, you know where everything is?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Pickles?”

Me: “Aisle 16B.”

Customer: “Note cards.”

Me: “17.”

Customer: “Anchovies.”

Me: “16B again.”

Customer: “Batteries.”

Me: “Next to register one.”

(This rapid fire Q&A goes on for five more minutes. I never mess up.)

Customer: “Alright smart guy, where are the shores of Tripoli?”

Me: “Libya.”

Customer: “Wow, I was just trying to throw you off there. How did you know that off the top of your head?”

Me: “I told you; I know where everything is.”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 6
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4

Grill The Sandwiches, Not The Staff

| Boise, ID, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(My boyfriend and I are getting lunch from the deli. Standing next to me is a customer, ordering a sandwich from a different worker.)

Customer: “Do you speak English? How many times do I have to tell you? No cheese!”

Deli Worker: “Alright, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why is this taking so long? Hurry up!”

Deli Worker: “I’ll have your order done shortly.”

(The bread on the sandwich breaks, and the employee looks panicked.)

Deli Worker: “Would you like me to remake your sandwich?”

Customer: “Just put the d*** thing in a bag so I can go!”

Deli Worker: “Are you sure?”

(The customer turns to me.)

Customer: “Does anyone speak English in this place?!”

Me: “There is no reason to be so rude.”

Customer: “But he asked me if I wanted cheese! I wrote down ‘no cheese’ and he still asked me!”

Me: “So what? Ma’am, he is trying his best, and being patient with you. You need to calm down.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! What is wrong with you people?”

(I reach up to gather my order, which is now ready.)

Customer: “D*** it, look at me when I’m talking to you!”

Me: “No, thank you.”

(I give the employees a huge grin.)

Me: “Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day, guys!”

Customer: “Why doesn’t anyone speak English?!”

(Both deli workers give me an appreciative smile. The one that made my food runs over to the register and puts a sticker on my plate; my lunch is free!)

It’s Cent-less To Argue

| Allentown, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

(I am a cashier at the front end of a grocery store. A customer hands me four $1 bills.)

Customer: “$3.50 in quarters please!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “You heard me; I’d like $3.50 in quarters.”

Me: “Wouldn’t you just like the $4 in quarters?”

Customer: “No? If I wanted that, then I would have asked for $4 in quarters.”

Me: “Then how would you like the remaining $0.50?”

Customer: “What remaining $0.50? Look, I don’t know what is so hard about this.”

(I just gave the customer his $4 worth of quarters, and he walked away.)