(Like any grocery store, we have different departments, including seafood. I work in the customer service department. Even though the phone system gives you options of different departments to connect you to them, many customers will just choose our number because it’s one of the first suggested.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [store], this is [name]. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Uh, hello, yes! I would like to speak with the fishes!”
Me: “I’m sorry, the fishes?”
Customer: “Yes! The fishes!”
Me: “You mean the seafood department?”
Customer: “Yes! The fishes!”
(I work in a grocery store and know that store manager, who is my neighbor.)
Me: “Hi, did you find everything okay today?”
Customer: “Oh, yes, you guys actually have my favorite ice cream!”
Me: “Well, that’s good.”
(I pick up the box of the ice cream and notice a dog on it. Then I notice the name “Purina”.)
Me: “Ma’am, did you know this is ice cream for dogs?”
Customer: “No, it’s not. It was in a freezer! I can’t believe [store owner’s name] knows someone so stupid!”
Me: “I can’t believe it either.”
(The customer approaching the seafood counter is an older male with a VFW hat and an American flag patch on his coat.)
Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you today?”
Customer: “I want some white shrimp.”
Me: “Raw or cooked?”
(I lead the customer over to our raw case and continue talking as he starts reading the tags. It’s dead winter, so all our white shrimp are from warm South East Asian countries.)
Me: “We keep our raw shrimp over here. What size would you—”
Customer: “White shrimp! I want WHITE shrimp! Not from any of these raggedy-a** countries.”
Prank You Very Much! Happy April Fools’ Day, readers! This week, we share five stories that show the foolish hazards of pulling a fast one!
- Impractical Jokes:
Guys, take note: a fake stabbing to freak out your wife might result in a real stabbing—by your wife!
- Bohemian Nobody:
Customer, oo-oo-oo-ooh // Didn’t mean to make you cry // If you’re not back again this time tomorrow // Go away, go away // Your pranks don’t really matter…
- Prankin’ Like It’s 1929:
This elderly caller’s prank is probably older than your grandparents, but he proves laughter IS the best medicine—especially when it’s at your expense!
- Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2:
A caller learns the hard way that if you’re gonna prank an employee, at least be original!
- Morbid Curiosity Killed The Cat:
Note to prank callers: your cat is NOT a get-out-of-jail-free card!
PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
(I’m a cashier at a grocery store and a customer comes in to return an item.)
Me: “Yes, ma’am how can I help you today?”
Customer: “Yes, I need to return these mushrooms.”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, was there something wrong with them?”
Customer: “Yes, they’re a fungus!”
Me: “Oh, they have something growing on them?”
Customer: “No! They are a fungus. I’m not eating any fungus!”