Birds And Bees On Aisle Four

| Pickering, ON, Canada | Related | March 20, 2015

(I’m three years old and my mother is obviously pregnant with my younger brother. We walk into the store to do our shopping when I decide to ask a question in a rather loud voice.)

Me: “Mommy, how are babies made?”

(The entire store freezes and goes silent. My mother scrambles to come up with an answer that won’t have her explaining the birds and the bees in the middle of a public place.)

Mom: “Oh, [My Name], don’t be silly. Babies aren’t made; they’re born!”

(I’m content with that answer and the whole store breathes a collective sigh of relief.)

Customer: “Good answer.”

A Sickening Request

| Memphis, TN, USA | Right | March 20, 2015

(I work as a cashier in a gourmet grocery store known for its healthier food options. The store provides coffee samples with napkins and stirrers, and a lot of customers end up asking us to throw their unused napkins away. A customer approaches me with a full basket.)

Customer: “Geez, it’s terrible how sick everyone’s getting. Is anyone out sick here?”

Me: “Yeah, we’re pretty short handed here today.”

Customer: “Well, you know with a job like this you have to be extra careful! So many people touching things and breathing the same air! It’s so easy for gals like you to get sick.” *she produces a napkin from her hand. It’s balled up* “By the way, could you throw this away for me?”

(I cringe but can’t refuse, and after a moment I finish ringing her up.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Thanks for being so quick, hon. I gotta get home soon. I’m not feeling great and think I got a cold!”

A Testing Set Of Circumstances

| Metarie, LA, USA | Related | March 19, 2015

(My sister and I are taking a special exam and have arrived at the office early. Since we have lots of time before our appointments, we go to the grocery store across the street to get a snack. As we start to cross the parking lot, I realize I left something in the car, so I go back to get it. I return and start to cross to where my sister is waiting. I make sure to look both ways for cars, but then a truck comes careening around the corner and completely blows through the parking lot, not even stopping for the crosswalk. I have to jump back and barely avoid getting hit. My sister is understandably concerned when I join her.)

Sister: “Oh, my goodness, [My Name], are you okay??”

Me: “Yeah, thanks. Man, I would have been so mad if he had hit me, though; do you know how long I’ve been studying for this test?”

Sister: “…I think you’re worrying about the wrong thing.”

Me: “I would have wasted the past month studying for a test I never had to take! Do you know how disappointed I would be?”

Sister: *facepalm*

(And yes, I did pass my test!)

Her Days Here Are Numbered

| Erie, PA, USA | Working | March 18, 2015

(I’m a manager at a small grocery store and we have just hired a few cashiers. I am the one who has to train them and most are getting the hang of it… except one.)

Cashier: “[My Name], call line one.”

Me: *picking up* “Yes?”

Cashier: “So, this customer has bananas. What do I do?”

Me: “Look for the PLU on the sticker. And if there aren’t any stickers, look it up in your binder.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay.” *10 seconds later* “[My Name], call line one.”

Me: “Yes?”

Cashier: “What’s the PLU for oranges?”

Me: “Like I said before, put in the PLU on the sticker or look it up in the binder.”

Cashier: “Oh, right.”

Cashier: “[My Name], call line one.”

Me: “Yes?”

Cashier: “I can’t find the number for oranges. Can’t you just tell me?”

(Since I’ve worked there so long, I know most of the PLUs by memory but we’re supposed to make the new cashiers look up all PLUs to give them practice.)

Me: “I’ll be right out.”

(I go out to help her. I physically show her where the PLU for oranges are.)

Cashier: “Thanks!”

(I start to leave.)

Cashier: “Wait!” *holds up head of cabbage* “What’s the number for lettuce?”

Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 3

| UK | Right | March 17, 2015

(On the particular day the dairy fridge has broken down AND we have quite a lot of stock with a ‘best before’ sticker for that day. So I decide to reduce all that stock lower than I usually would just to get rid of it.)

Customer: “I would like to speak to the manager, please.”

Me: “That would be me. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought this cream AND this cake today. I poured the cream over the cake for my family only to find it was off. So it ruined the cake. I want a refund for both.”

(She hands me a receipt which shows that both items had been reduced quite heavily. I apologize profusely while trying to explain that we were sure the dairy fridge breakdown didn’t damage anything.)

Me: “And that’s all done for you! Here is your refund of £1.”

(The customer holds the £1 coin in her hand and looks slightly confused.)

Customer: “I wanted a refund.”

Me: “…and I gave you one. According to the receipt you gave me you only paid £1 total for those products.”

Customer: “But it was bad. Surely you should give me a refund of the full price.”

Me: “Do you sell things on eBay?”

Customer: *taken aback* “How is that relevant?”

Me: “Indulge me.”

Customer: “Yes. I sold my husband’s PS3 last week.”

Me: “Okay, so let’s say I bought your husband’s PS3 for £100. But when I connected it to my TV it didn’t work and I insisted that I get a refund. Do I ask for the £100 I paid you or the £400 you probably bought it for?”

(Somehow this confused her even more. She decided I made a valid point and left the shop in an almost dream-like state. We never saw this customer again and we still don’t know to this day if she was attempting a scam, or just a little dim.)

Related:
Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2
Not The Cream Of The Crop

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