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On The Aisle To Enlightenment

| CA, USA | Bizarre

(My friend told me this story the other day. We are both clerks at a local discount grocery store. We have new owners, who have recently started playing music other than ’70s Top 40 and early 2000s soft pop on the store intercom.)

Customer: “Could you have that music turned off? It’s the devil’s music. I know because I’m enlightened.”

(The music in question was something by Van Halen. My friend was confused, and looked at the customer, an older woman, incredulously.)

Worker: “Can I direct you to my—”

Customer: “And judging you by your response, you’re not enlightened. Bye.”

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Germaniac

, | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, History, Popular, Religion

(I’m slicing meat for a customer. I notice he’s wearing a shirt with a cartoon leprechaun flipping the middle finger and holding a half-empty glass of beer.)

Me: “Nice shirt.”

Customer: “Oh, this? Yeah, I’m Irish, so…”

Me: “I kinda figured.”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Well, my ancestors were mostly German—”

(Suddenly the customer stomps his feet together, stands at attention, and does the Nazi salute.)

Customer: “SIEG HEIL! SIEG HEIL!”

Me: “—Jews. German Jews.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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Change (In Attitude) Required

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Popular

(I work as a cashier at a grocery store, and during my first three shifts, a more experienced cashier shadows me to make sure everything goes fine. This happens the second night on the job.)

Me: “So, your total comes to [total].”

Customer: *hands me $1.75 more than total*

Me: “Okay, so your change is $1.75.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I gave you [$3 more than total].”

Me: “Sir, I still have what you gave me in my hand. You gave me [$1.75 more than total].”

(I show him what he gave me and I shows he didn’t have any other change.)

Customer: “You need to learn how to count your money and do your job!”

Supervisor: “Sir, [My Name] is more than capable of counting her money and she is doing her job. Now, are you going to take the $1.75 and stop bothering her on her second day of work, or do I need to call [Boss] and tell him you’re harassing his workers when they’re doing their job correctly?”

Customer: *mutters under his breath as he takes his change and bags his items*

Me: “Thank you and have a nice day!” *turns to supervisor* “Thank you for that.”

Supervisor: “Welcome to customer service.”

Next Customer: “You guys need to be paid more.”

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Wish You Could Be Joyless

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

(At our store we have a notorious regular who comes in every single day and hates every single one of the entire staff and the whole store, and isn’t afraid to make it known. She hates everyone and everything. The irony is that her name is very similar to Joy. Our store is notorious for having excellent customer service and satisfaction and is often recognized by our corporate office in Arizona for it. This kind of interaction happens on a daily basis.)

Me: *sees Joy and perks up, trying to be as friendly and polite as possible* “Good morning! How are you today?”

Joy: *glares and frowns* “Terrible.”

Me: *as I start ringing her items up* “I’m very sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do for you to make it better?”

Joy: “Leave.”

Me: *awkward pause* “Um… did you find everything okay?”

Joy: “No. I never do.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Would you like any rain checks?”

Joy: “No.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry, ma’am. Your total is [total] and I even gave you a couple extra bag credits today!” *customers can get five cents off their purchase for each reusable bag they bring in and we use*

Joy: *squinting at the screen* “Did you give me credit for my bag?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I actually gave you five credits today. I know it’s only 25 cents, but every penny helps, right?” *smiles*

Joy: *glares and gives me her money*

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

Joy: “I won’t! I hate this store! You have terrible employees! I hate it here!” *takes her things and leaves*

Me: *sighs*

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Fail-Mix

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Hall of Fame, Popular

(I work in a grocery store that has a “bulk” section which sells items by the pound such as candy, trail mix, dried fruit, etc. About every three bins there’s a sticker reminding you to write down the PLU number of the item so the cashier can enter it into the computer and weigh it properly. Despite the numerous reminders, plenty of people don’t write the code, and the cashier is forced to search through our register books which have the 150 or more bulk codes.)

Customer: “Hello!” *sets down some produce and about 10 little bags of bulk product, none of which have codes*

Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay?”

(The usual polite back-and-forth goes on as I speedily enter the memorized codes for the produce, and then pick up the book and start scouring it for the bulk codes, which I don’t try to memorize because there are so many and they’re always changing.)

Me: “What was this one?” *holding up a trail mix that looks like a dozen others*

Customer: “Oh… I don’t remember.”

Me: “All right…” *holding another* “And was this deluxe trail mix salted or unsalted?”

Customer: *impatiently shrugging* “I don’t know!”

(Inwardly I’m rolling my eyes thinking “Well we WOULD know if you followed directions and wrote the codes on the tag”, but I keep a straight face and keep looking for the codes one by one.)

Customer: *leaning in with a sly look and a smile* “Are you new?”

Me: “No, I’ve been here two years. You’re supposed to write the codes for each of these items so I can enter them into the computer.”

Customer: *unconvinced tone* “Uh huh, okay.”

(After he left, I told my coworker about it and we were both amazed that customers think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect us to remember over 150 ever-changing bulk codes, be able to discern between a dozen almost identical trail mixes, and yet it’s NOT reasonable to for them to remember ONE thing: to write the darn code!)

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