More Thanks-taking Than Thanksgiving

| Kansas City, Mo, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Holidays, Wild & Unruly

(I am working in a grocery store meat department on Thanksgiving day stocking the hams and turkeys as fast as I can. I have just announced over the speaker that we have five fresh, unfrozen turkeys left, and we are waiting for the rush of people to get them. When there is only one left, predictably two customers grab for it.)

Customer #1: “Hey, this is mine. I saw it before you did.”

Customer #2: “No way! I walked all the way across the store to get it. It’s mine! I’m going home with it.”

Customer #1: “Why don’t you get a ham or something? I need this turkey for my dinner tonight. You can get something else.”

Customer #2: “Listen, you fat cow, you can buy the f****** ham. I’m getting this turkey.”

(At this point I figure I’d better get involved and run over.)

Me: “Ladies, we do have fresh turkey breasts available as well as hams and ducks. There are even a couple of geese leftover—”

Customer #2: “F*** you! I’m getting this d*** turkey and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

(Customer #2 then shoved her cart into the other woman, causing her to fall into the display of stuffing next to her, and ran off with the turkey. Hoping it was over, I went to help Customer #1 get up, but she slapped my hand, got to her feet, and tackled the other customer. I called security. Before they could get there I saw that Customer #3 had spotted Customer #1’s now abandoned cart and purse. She ran over and dumped Customer #1’s purse into her own and then grabbed just about everything out of her cart, including a bag of prescription medication, before running off. I shouted at her but she disappeared into a crowd of people. Customers #1 and #2 were by then rolling on the floor in the bread aisle while security was trying to pull them apart. While this went on, Customer #4 approached Customer #2’s cart and grabbed the turkey and most everything in her cart. Security eventually pulled them apart and they were both arrested. Sadly, Customer #3, who stole Customer #1’s purse, was never caught as the cart was in a blind spot.)

A Bona-Fido Law

| Orem, UT, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Pets & Animals, Wild & Unruly

(I stop by the store on my way to work. A customer is causing quite a scene, while a manager is trying to deal with her.)

Customer: “I won’t leave my dog outside! Do you know how cold it is out there? What about cruelty to animals!?”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You should have left him at home. He cannot come in the store.”

Customer: “Leave him alone? That’s even more cruel!”

(At that point, I’d about had it, as had several other people. I, however, had recently been researching the city’s laws and ordinances regarding animals.)

Me: “Excuse me. But did you know, as per city ordinance, article 5-3, it is ‘unlawful for any person to take or permit any dog, whether loose or on a leash or in arms, in or about any establishment or place of business where food or food products are sold or displayed, including… grocery stores?’ The only exceptions are seeing-eye dogs, hearing dogs, and dogs owned by government agencies. As your dog obviously does not meet any of those qualifications, what you are attempting to do is illegal. Do I really need to call the police, or will you leave and take your dog with you?”

Customer: “Well, I never!” *she storms out, dog in arms*

Manager: “Thank you, ma’am.”

Me: “No trouble. What a moron. I don’t even have a cell phone.”

Super Friends

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

(A group of friends of mine stop by the store where I work. As a joke all of them come to my lane to ‘make me earn my pay’ for the night. A customer with her son tries cutting them all and jumps in the front.)

Customer: “Hurry up! I’m a very important person! I have things to do.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be glad to check you out before each of these gentlemen that you cut if you ask each of them what they do and honestly think that what you do is more important.”

Customer: “FINE!” *turns to Friend #1* “And what do you do?”

Friend #1: “I train soldiers at [local military base] who are willing to fight for your freedom.”

Customer: “… Oh.” *turns to Friend #2* “What about you?”

Friend #2: “I’m a firefighter.”

Customer: “… Um.” *skips Friend #3 and #4 and goes to #5* “And you?”

Friend #5: “I do cancer research.”

(The customer gives up. I proceed to checkout everyone accordingly and the customer pays and bolts out the door.)

Me: “Have I ever told you guys how proud I am to actually know you guys? Wonder why she didn’t ask [Friend #3] and [Friend #4]?”

Friend #3: “Well… she’s a waitress where I eat lunch while I’m on patrol… so she knows I’m a cop!”

Friend #4: “I… I can’t actually say!”

Friend #5: “Fine! I will! Her son came up to [Friend #4] and asked how working at [medical practice where Friend #4 is shadowing] is going. She sees him at her kid’s pediatrician!”