Customer: “How many pine nuts are in your ‘Lemon Orzo with Pine Nuts’?”
Me: “A good amount, why?”
Customer: “Because my husband is allergic, and I was just wondering how much I’d be able to give to him.”
Me: “Well, ma’am, do you like your husband?”
Customer: “Yes, why?”
Me: “Because it could very well kill him.”
Customer: “…”
Me: *nodding*
Customer: “Oh…”
(I’m carrying out grocery bags for a middle-aged guy.)
Me: “Hi, how are you today?”
Customer: “I’m good, you?”
Me: “I’m good, glad that it’s not snowing at the moment.”
Customer: “So, your name is [My Name], right?
Me: “Yeah.”
Customer: “Well, I’m going to call you Samantha.”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “So, how are you today, Sammy?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Sammy? Samantha? How are you?”
Me: “Um… I’m good…” *walks away*
(I was just about to clean the ladies’ room when a female customer walked up to me.)
Customer: “Excuse me, how do you lock this door?”
Me: “There’s no lock on the door, but there are stalls in there.”
Customer: “But, what if someone tries watching me? I want to know I’m safe from voyeurs.”
Me: “I’m pretty sure nobody will be watching.”
Customer: “What about the men’s room? Is there a lock over there?”
Me: “Well, there’s a stall in there, but there’s two in this one.”
Customer: “But, no lock?”
Me: “Would it help if I stood guard?”
Customer: *now yelling* “Oh? So, you think you can get a little peep show?! Well, I’ll have you know that I won’t tolerate a pervert in my midst! I’ll take my business elsewhere, and you’re getting reported for harassment!”
Me: “But, I–”
Customer: “Good day!” *storms out*
Manager: *listening from his office* “What was that all about?!”
Me: “I don’t know.”
(I am monitoring the customers at the self-checkout machines when a customer holding cilantro angrily waves me over.)
Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “These machines are so useless! They don’t even have cilantro under the look-up list!”
Me: “Sir, it’s because you’re looking under ‘S’ instead of ‘C’ — cilantro is spelled with a ‘C.'”
Customer: “Oh, so you’re a know-it-all, huh? We’ll see what you know when these machines take over YOUR job one day!”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”
Me: “Yes, miss, what can I help you with?”
Customer: “I just found this opened bag of chips sitting on the counter.”
Me: “Oh, thank you, I’ll take that.”
Customer: *still holding the bag* “Isn’t it so inconsiderate of people to just open up the food and eat it in the store?”
Me: *laughing* “Yeah, it really is.”
Customer: “Oh, well, here you go.”
(She then stuck her hand in the bag, pulled out a handful of chips, handed me the bag, and then walked away.)
This story is part of the Hypocritical Customers roundup!
Read the next Hypocritical Customers roundup story!
Read the Hypocritical Customers roundup!
