Overly Expressing Herself

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I am the cashier for the express lane of the store. The express lane has a clearly posted sign that says twelve items or fewer. Unfortunately, a lot of customers come through with as many as twenty items. I still check them out, but I ask them to take larger orders to the regular checkout lanes in the future. In this case, a woman brings about 20 items through my lane.)

Me: “Ma’am, in the future, if you have more than 12 items, please go to one of the regular lanes.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “Express is faster.”

(I just stare at her as she pays for her groceries and leaves.)

Next Customer: “No shame.”

Me: “Yeah…”

Just A (Cast The First) Stone’s Throw Away From A True Christian

| AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

(I live in the Bible belt of America, where homophobia is the norm. I’m a gay man and was outed by a previous coworker, so now I deal with two or three bigots per week. This takes place an early Sunday morning.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

Customer #1: *a bigot who frequents my lane just to insult me* “Everything except a good, god fearing cashier!”

Me: *scanning items and not paying attention* “Your total is $48.50, sir. Would you like to pay cash or credit?”

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell, you know! You and all your godd***** f*****! Pick up a Bible and learn how to be a Christian!”

(He then proceeds to throw his credit card at me. I check him out while enduring his verbal abuse, as usual. Finally he’s gone to bag his groceries while the next customer comes up. He’s an elderly man, around 60, wearing a sweater and a large prominent cross. I fear the worst but he hands me a gift card.)

Customer #2: “Bless you, son. I’d like you to have this to make up for those of us who are less then their best.”

(Customer #1 has heard Customer #2 and starts yelling.)

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for supporting this f**! Learn how to be a good Christian!”

(Customer #2 removes his sweater to reveals he’s a priest. Customer #1’s eyes widen in shock.)

Customer #2: “Well, if I’m going to Hell I don’t believe there’s much hope for any of us now, is there?”

(He was the new pastor for the church and one of his first sermons was on spreading love instead of hate. I thank you, good sir, for reminding me what a real Christian is like.)

Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The store is relatively quiet and empty on this evening. A customer enters and approaches me quickly, seeming angry. She slams an open 12-pack of caffeine-free soft drinks on my counter, which I remember I had sold to her earlier.)

Customer: “False advertising!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You sell products that are advertised falsely!”

Me: “Um… okay. How? Did you get overcharged?”

Customer: “These are marked as ‘caffeine free’ but they AREN’T! I demand a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have no control over the caffeinating. That would be something to contact the soda company about. May I ask, how do you know it has caffeine in it?”

Customer: “Watch!”

(She proceeds to open a can. I hear a ‘tsssshhhhh.’)

Customer: “THERE! See? You don’t hear that noise unless it isn’t caffeinated! There is caffeine in these!”

Me: “Oh! That isn’t because of caffeine—”

Customer: “Don’t try to protect them! I DEMAND A REFUND!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s CARBONATION. Not CAFFEINE.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “CARBONATION is what makes the drink bubbly; CAFFEINE is a stimulant. Furthermore, like I said, that would be an issue to take up with the soda company. Not us.”

Customer: “… oh. Oh!” *gathers up her drinks and hurries out, clearly embarrassed*