Shopping With Plenty Of Baggage

| Petaluma, CA, USA | Right | February 16, 2016

(I’m out shopping with my mom. We finish getting our items and head to a checkout line. My neighbor, who is a cashier, is working the cash register that we are at. He is finishing up a transaction with the customer in front of us when I hear this joke…)

Neighbor: “All right, sir. Would you like a bag with that? I can give you one from under my eyes.”

Frozen In A Repetitive Cycle

| USA | Right | February 15, 2016

(I work in the meat department, and we regularly cut prepackaged meats for customers. An elderly lady walks up and sets something on the counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I need these cut in half!”

(She then gestures at what she set on the counter: frozen Cornish game hens.)

Me: “I can thaw those out and cut them in half for you, but it will take a bit of time.”

Customer: “No! I want them cut in half while they’re frozen! I don’t want them thawed!”

(Normally I could do such a thing, and have cut frozen chickens and turkeys in half with a bandsaw. The Cornish game hens, however, are far too small to safely cut with the bandsaw.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the game hens are too small—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut them in half!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. They’re frozen—”

Customer: “So use that big saw! I know you cut frozen meat here!” *gestures at the bandsaw*

Me: “Yes, frozen things that are big enough to safely cut. These hens are too s—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut the chickens in half!”

Me: “The hens are too small—”

Customer: “Just cut them!”

Me: “I am not cutting my fingers off over a game hen! They’re too small to put on the bandsaw! I can either thaw them and cut them, or you’ll have to take them home whole.”

(The customer took them whole, still grumbling that I was being “negative” and should just cut the hens despite the very serious risk of also cutting my fingers off. A few days later I was told by a manager that she attempted to complain that I wouldn’t help her and had a bad attitude – but he sided with me not cutting my fingers off!)

Kiss Your Crappy Day Goodbye

| USA | Right | February 14, 2016

(It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re packed with people buying candy and flowers. A woman dressed in black and pink comes up to the register with a bag of Hershey kisses. She’s wearing small pink faerie wings strapped to her back.)

Me: “So, you just winging it today?”

Faerie Lady: *laughs and tears open the bag of candy* “Here!”

Me: “What?”

Faerie Lady: *drops a handful of Hershey kisses on the counter* “Now you can say you got kisses from a stranger on Valentine’s Day!”

(She then giggled and skipped off into the store, stopping once to give my coworker gathering carts a few more pieces of candy and repeating what she said to me. She must have waited 45 minutes, just so she could buy some candy to give to strangers. Kinda made my day.)

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Providing Cheesy Advice

| MO, USA | Friendly | February 14, 2016

(I am in a rush, no make up, hair only in a ponytail, wearing a long green wool coat that reaches my knees, black slacks, and snow boots. A lady in the aisle steps in front of me.)

Lady: “You! Do you work here?”

Me: *startled* “Uh… No.”

Lady: “Well, you look like the sort of person who would know this anyway. What kind of cheese goes in French onion soup?” *she waves a can of the soup at me*

Me: “Um… that’s… I don’t really cook, but I’m pretty sure it’s any white cheese. Mozzarella is an American favorite, of course, but provolone might be better if you want a little kick. Swiss maybe? I think it’s really up to what cheese you like, and to stick mostly with the whiter cheeses, since the orange ones are usually pretty thick and would sink in the soup.”

Lady: “Oh! Good! That makes it easier. Thank you! Any bread suggestions?”

Me: “Uh. Traditionally it was anything slightly stale or really hard that wouldn’t be eaten any other way.”

Lady: “So a thick soup bread should work.”

Me: “Probably.”

Lady: *sounding really cheered* “Good! Thanks again!”

(She walked off and I was standing there totally gob-smacked and wondering both how giving her so many different cheese choices helped and also wondering how the heck I “looked like someone who would know.” It sort of made it worse that I did vaguely know, and I really hope I didn’t screw up the soup she was apparently really anxious to make.)

Talking Turkey About Your Earnings

, | MD, USA | Right | February 13, 2016

(A customer comes up to the deli counter, dressed in relatively nice clothing, and asks me for a recommendation on turkey. I have sampled most of the turkey in the case and can typically give honest recommendations.)

Me: “Well, I personally like [Brand] turkey — it’s got a pretty standard flavor, but it’s good, and [Brand] has a lot of options if you like spicier turkeys.

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s $11.00 per pound…”

Me: “True. If you’re looking for cheaper turkeys, [Store Brand] turkeyisn’t visible in the case right now, but we do have it, and there’s also—”

Customer: “I mean, I make incredible money, but I can’t justify spending $11 on a pound of turkey.”

(He looks around for a moment like he’s going to say something else, but doesn’t and storms off.)

Me: *turns to coworker* “What an odd thing to say.”

Coworker: “Yeah, that was weird.”

Me: “Well, I DON’T make ‘incredible money,’ but I’m gonna buy myself some of that turkey and live my best life.”

(My coworker laughed, and I sliced some and bought it before I went home that day. The resulting sandwich was, of course, very tasty.)

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