Cooked Up A Good Comeback

| PA, USA | Friendly | July 17, 2015

(My boyfriend and I are standing in line for checkout with an older man behind us in a motorized shopping cart. The store specializes in bulk items so our cart is almost overflowing with groceries.)

Old Man: “You know, looking at you two I can tell you both must have had mothers that were good cooks. You obviously never went to bed hungry.”

(Both of us are of slightly larger stature. However, I happen to be eight months pregnant and am obviously showing.)

Me: *while faking a smile* “Actually my dad did the cooking, and he’s looking forward to being called grandpa.”

(The color drained from the old man’s face as he mumbled an apology and abandoned his spot in line.)

Meat Her Halfway

| NY, USA | Right | July 15, 2015

(I’m working the self-scan machines. A grandfather comes by with his granddaughter in the seat of the shopping cart. He takes a pack of cookies from the nearby shelf and gives them to her.)

Grandfather: “Okay, honey, what should we get next?”

Granddaughter: “MEAT!”

Me: *chuckling* “I guess she’s a little carnivore, huh?”

Grandfather: *also laughing* “Well, her mom’s a vegetarian so I can’t really give her meat.”

Granddaughter: *bouncing in the seat with a big smile* “MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT!”

Me: “I don’t think she’s a vegetarian, sir.”

A Grocery Error Of Judgement

| USA | Right | July 15, 2015

(I work in a popular grocery store. It’s a very busy Sunday afternoon, and I am monitoring the six self-checkout machines, which is basically like paying attention to six things at once, while answering questions of customers passing by. A man and his three- or four-year old daughter walk away from their machine and come up to me.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I left my credit card in the car. Can you watch my groceries while I run out and grab it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but as you can see, it’s very busy at the moment so I can’t hold your machine. However, I can suspend your order while you get your card, and you can finish checking out when you get back.”

Customer: “I’m parked just right outside. Can you please just hold it for a minute?”

(People in line are already getting irritated that this guy is talking to me instead of checking out, but this continues for another couple of minutes. Finally, I just give in.)

Me: “Okay, but please try to hurry. There is a long line.”

Customer: “Thank you so much! I’ll be right back.”

(He takes his daughter by the hand, presumably to take her out with him. A few seconds later, she comes walking back up to me.)

Me: “…Hi. Where’s your dad?”

Girl: “He told me you would watch me while he went outside.”

(This guy left his very young daughter with me, while I was running six cash registers at once on the busiest day of the week. He was gone for about fifteen minutes (way more than “a couple”) and when he returned, he smelled like he had been chain smoking the whole time he was gone. I ended up calling one of my supervisors over to help watch the kid while I did my job. All of the customers who were around kept asking if I knew the guy and his kid, and when I said no, the looks of shock and disgust that he left a complete stranger to babysit her were priceless.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 41

| USA | Right | July 14, 2015

(I’m a cashier at a grocery store. I’ve just run up this customer’s items and she slides a card through the EFTPOS. I get a ‘do not honor’ error on my screen. For whatever reason, sometimes our machines give us this error if someone enters the wrong PIN.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you try that again, please?”

(She slides it through again and I see she’s selecting credit, not debit, so it can’t be the incorrect PIN. I get the error message again.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but it’s not going through. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “Oh, sure!”

(She turns to her husband, who dutifully spreads out like a deck of cards at least 15 credit and debit cards. I stare, mouth agape, as she carefully chooses one and slides it through.)

Me: “Uh… well, that one worked.”

Customer: *laughs* “Of course it did! When you run out of money on one, you just move on to the next card in line!”

(Her husband nods and they gather up their groceries. The next customer comes up and shakes her head.)

Customer #2: “I feel sorry for the poor card rep who’ll have to explain to those idiots that money isn’t free when they’re $300,000 in debt.”

Me: “Amen, sister.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 40
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 39
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38

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You Bread My Mind

| Franklin, TN, USA | Working | July 10, 2015

(My boss is known for inserting innuendos into conversations and remaining completely deadpan. My coworkers and I in customer service are used to this and find it hilarious. My brother, who works in the bakery of my store, has never met my boss. After her shift one day, my boss goes to the bakery to get a baguette. My coworker sometimes works in the bakery, but is usually in the customer service department and so is familiar with our boss’s banter.)

Boss: “Do you have any baguettes?”

(My brother looks in the bins and doesn’t see any.)

Brother: “Nope. Hey, [Coworker], do we have any baguettes?”

Coworker: “I have a long hot one in the back.”

Boss: “Do I have to be in a certain position to get it?”

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