(I’m standing behind a nice old lady who is checking out at the grocery store.)

Lady: “You look like you both need a smile. This is for you!”

(She hands the cashier a few pieces of Christmas themed candy, and gives one to me.)

Cashier: “Oh, thank you! Happy Holidays!”

Lady: “Oh, it’s okay. You can say ‘Merry Christmas’ to me. I know you want to.”

Cashier: “Actually, I’m Jewish—”

Lady: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. Oh, yes! Feliz Navidad to you!”

(The cashier and I both just smiled, because regardless of what you call it, she still had the best seasonal spirit!)

(While looking over my receipt, I notice that the cashier has given me 45 cents in change instead of the 15 cents I should have received in return. The cashier has already closed his register and disappeared into the store again, so I hail the store guard and explain to him what happened.)

Guard: “So what do you want me to do?”

Me: “If you could get the cashier back please? I worked in retail myself and I know how annoying even a small discrepancy in the register can be.”

Guard: “Sure.”

(The guard leaves, while I continue packing my groceries into my bags. I look up to see the bewildered face of the cashier standing beside me.)

Cashier: “The guard said I gave you too much money?”

(I nod and point out the amount on the receipt versus the amount I physically received.)

Me: “It’s only 30 cents, but I know how even small amounts can mess up the daily tally.”

(The cashier stares at me, but slowly holds out his hand to receive the two 20 cent coins I received from him, with me holding on to the 5 cent coin. He quickly turns around to open his register and gives me a 10 cent coin back.)

Cashier: “That should do it. Right? I mean, thanks?”

Me: “Not at all. I hope you have happy holidays!”

Guard: “More people should be like you.”

Me: “Well, it was only a small amount. But I was taught that a better world starts with your own actions. Happy holidays!”

Guard: “Happy holidays!”

(It is about 11 pm in a grocery store. I am the supervisor on duty. It is just me, cleaning the customer service counter, and one cashier working a register. An elderly customer ambles up to the checkout lane.)

Cashier: “Hey, ma’am. How are you tonight?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m just- AHHHHHHHH!” *waves her arms dramatically and hops backwards.* “Oh, my gosh, honey. There’s a HUGE puddle of water there! Oh, I slipped. I think I hurt something! Oh, my hip!”

Cashier: “Really? Are you okay?”

Customer: “Oww, my hip! Oh, I think I strained something! Get me your manager right now!”

(The cashier pages the manager to the register.)

Manager: “Oh, my goodness, ma’am. What happened?!”

Customer: “There was a huge puddle of water! I slipped and I hurt my back! Oh, gosh. It hurts!”

Manager: *to cashier, who is wiping the floor with paper towels that are remaining suspiciously dry* “Ring up her groceries for me, please.” *to the customer* “Here, ma’am. Have a seat. Please, tell me exactly what happened.”

Customer: “Oh, there was all this water, and I slipped like this.”

(The customer makes exaggerated lunges, trying to demonstrate how she fell.)

Customer: “Oh, it was awful. My hip hurts! Oh, I threw out my back! Oh, it hurts!”

(The customer makes more movements an injured person would be quite incapable of making.)

Customer: “I’ll be contacting my lawyer!”

Manager: “I see. Here’s my store and my personal information. Please give me yours as well, and we’ll be in touch. I’m terribly sorry about this. I hope you make it home alright.”

(The customer ambles out to her car, shouting ‘oh, my back!’ the entire way.)

Manager: “I need written statements from both of you. Good thing we have this on camera.”

Cashier: “Do you think she’ll sue?”

Manager: “I hope so. I’m putting her a** in jail if she does.”

(My roommate and I work for the same grocery store; however, I work outside the store and she works in it. An hour before my shift, my phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Boss: “Hey, [My Name]. Where’s your roommate?”

Me: “Not here, as far as I know. She was gone when I got up this morning.”

Boss: “I can’t get a hold of her and I need her to come in tonight.”

Me: “I’m not sure where she went, and I think she left her phone here. I heard it ringing earlier.”

Boss: “Could you find her and ask if she’d come in today?”

Me: “I don’t know where she is. If she doesn’t have her phone I don’t have a way to reach her.”

Boss: “But you live with her.”

Me: “Yeah, but she’s not here. I’ll be at work myself in a little bit.”

Boss: “But you live with her!”

Me: “I also live with my cat. Wanna talk to him?”

(I’m looking for a popular Christmas jumper (sweater) and have finally found one in my size. It is the last one in the store and I have put it in my trolley. I’m just browsing around the other clothes when a customer looks into my trolley and takes the jumper.)

Me: “Excuse me, but what are you doing?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “That jumper was in my trolley. I’m buying it.”

Customer: “No. It wasn’t. I’ve just got this off the rail! Stop hassling me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I just WATCHED YOU take it out of my trolley and put it into your basket. Can you please give it back so I can go and buy it?”

Customer: “No. It’s not your colour. Anyway, I didn’t take it out of your trolley.”

Me: “Okay. There is an easy way of solving this. Why don’t we go and visit security and get them to look at the camera? If you took it out of my trolley then you give it back. If you didn’t and I was mistaken I will pay for the jumper for you as an apology. How does that sound?”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A THIEF YOU F*****G SKANK!”

Me: “Right. I’ve had enough of this now. I came here just for that jumper.”

(I grab it out of the basket. The customer walks away, muttering loudly.)

Customer: “Such a b****. Ruining Christmas for me!”