Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Education Is No Guarantee

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2009

Customer: “A packet of cigarettes and some gum, please.”

Me: “I’ll need an ID for the cigarettes, sir.”

Customer: “What? Why?!”

Me: “If you look under 30 we need an ID.”

Customer: “But… why?”

Me: “It’s against the law to sell cigarettes to under-aged persons. If there’s any risk of it, I need to check IDs or any other proof of identity, such as a driver’s license, passport, etc.”

Customer: “But, like, WHY?!”

Me: “It’s against the law. I could be fired or fined, and you’d get a penalty as well.”

Customer: “Yeah, but WHY?!”

Me: “It’s illegal, sir.”

Customer: “WHY?!”

Me: “Because… smoking is dangerous.”

Customer: “What?! Why?”

Me: “It has a lot of poisonous chemicals and known carcinogens in it.”

Customer: “Your cigarettes have carcinogens in them? Eww, I’m not buying these.”

Me: “Sir, the packet clearly reads ‘SMOKING KILLS.’ Wasn’t that a hint?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’d sell CARCINOGENS. That’s just… ugh. Just give me some gum!”

Me: “Um… okay, sir, which flavor and brand?”

Customer: “Any flavor, any brand… Umm, do you have that nicotine gum stuff?”

Paper, Plastic, Horrible, Fantastic

, , | Right | January 30, 2009

Me: “Did you need a bag for that?”

Customer: “Yes… oh, do you have plastic? Can I have one?”

Me: “Sure.” *hands her a plastic bag*

Customer: “I thought you guys were like Whole Foods. They got rid of all their plastic bags.”

Me: “Well, I know they’re trying to ban plastic bags in Boston…”

Customer: *suddenly agitated* “A company shouldn’t need a law to do the right thing!”

Me: “Oh… we keep ours because some of our customers still prefer plastic bags over paper.”

Customer: *suddenly nice* “Oh I know! I got one!”

Frequent Diers Club

, , , | Right | January 27, 2009

Me: “Hi there.”

Customer: *smiles* “I got out o’ rehab yesterday. I was in fer 16 weeks! I was in fer the drink.”

Me: “Oh, right…”

Customer: “I went fer a drink to celebrate last night, just 1 or 2, ya know. I got carried away and woke up in a hospital the’ mornin, tubes in ma nose and s***. They brought me back nine times.”

Me: “Nine times… they resuscitated you?!”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ve died a few times now. Been hit by twelve cars, been through four windscreens… in all, been brought back over thirty times a think.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What’s that thing with lotsa lives?”

Me: “A cat?”

Customer: No, more than a cat… Oh wait, yeah! They call me the cat! But I have more than a cat… they call me Supercat!”

Me: “Don’t you think you should cut back on the drinking?”

Customer: “Och, I just gotta stick to ma limits and no drink three litres. One litre is ma limit!”

Clarity Is Key

, , , | Right | January 23, 2009

Me: “Hi, sir, how are you today? Is there something I can get for you?”

Customer: “Fish.”

Me: “Well, you sure came to the right place. What kind of fish would you like?”

Customer: “Dead fish.”

Me: “…”

Bad News About Your Doppelganger

, , | Right | January 19, 2009

Customer: *to his wife* “My God. This girl looks just like that one in the paper today, on the front page. Don’t you think?”

Customer’s Wife: “I don’t know, maybe a little bit.”

Customer: “Yes. She’s dead though.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *to me* “Has anyone ever told you that? I bet you get it all the time. You look just like that girl who died parachuting.”

Me: “Well, sir, she’s only in the papers today because she died yesterday. I don’t think anybody knew who she was before.”

Customer: “Well, you look so much like her. Careful you don’t run into any of her relatives, now!”