I Gave Birth To A Guinea Pig

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2008

Me: “Hi there, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: *with her young son* “Yeah, could I have a piece of that bologna so my son can taste it?”

Me: “Sure. Would you like to try it, too?”

Customer: “Oh, no, thanks. I just want to see if my son is allergic.”

Me: “…”

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Meatheaded

, | Right | January 24, 2008

(A customer walks up to counter and stares at produce.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any vegetarian sausages?”

Me: “This is a meat counter; we only have meat. We should have some prepacked though.”

Customer: “But, I want to buy from here. Why don’t you sell them?”

Me: “We only have meat on the meat counter, I’m afraid. Is there anything else you would like?”

Customer: “Do you have tofu burgers here??”

Me: “…”

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Focal Discrimination

, , , | Right | January 17, 2008

(I’m working at the cigarette counter. I wear glasses.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

(Customer is clearly not from this country and speaks in broken English with a thick accent.)

Customer: “Glasses!” *points at my face* “Glasses!”

Me: “You like my glasses?”

Customer: “No glasses. No glasses!”

Me: “You don’t like my glasses.”

Customer: “Not you. No glasses.”

Me: “Not me? No glasses? You want someone without glasses?”

Customer: “Yes. No glasses!”

(I look over at another cashier and a nearby register who heard everything and have her switch with me. Meanwhile, everyone around us is cracking up laughing.)

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Not Quite Getting What “Return” Means

, , | Right | January 4, 2008

Customer: “I’d like to return these ice pops.”

Me: “Okay, I just need to see your receipt.”

(I take the box of ice pops.)

Me: “…this is an empty box!”

Customer: “Well, we ate them. Some of them taste good, but some of them had a weird taste, so we threw them out.”

Me: “I can’t give you money back on something you already ate.”

Customer: “Why are you so difficult?! I’m never shopping here again!”

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Instructions Are Your Friends

, , | Right | December 29, 2007

(Referring to the payment terminal)

Customer: “It’s not working. What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “What does it say?”

Customer: “It says, ‘Please slide card again’.”

Me: “Well, then slide your card again.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(She slides her card. It works.)

Customer: “Hey it worked!”

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