Someone Had A Very Happy Holidays

| NY, USA | Holidays, Non-Dialogue, Rude & Risque

It is just a little before Christmas, I’m outside pushing carts, when a coworker asks me to check a strange black garbage bag that had been sitting next to her car all day.

Not being 100% clear of the regulations regarding random black garbage bags, I open it up to find inside a large piece of machinery. After a few moments, I lift up something that is instantly identifiable as a sex toy, which makes me realize that I am in the presence of a much larger mechanical sex toy.

I looked at my watch and see that my shift is thankfully now up, go inside, clock out, and go home. I found out later that the two night supervisors had to take care of it.

I was having no part of that.

Getting A Christmas Eve Reprieve

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Time

(On Christmas Eve we close at five pm. I have finished with my duties and go up to help the assistant manager, who asks me to guard the door to keep people from coming in the out door. This exchange happens.)

Customer: “Let me in.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re closed.”

Customer: “There are people in there; I just need a few things.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we are closed. They are trying to check the last of the customer’s out so we can all go home. You might go to the [Competitor] pharmacy down the street. They are staying open.”

Customer: “LET ME IN!” *tries to push by me, and although I’m not a big girl, I work in produce and throw around boxes of potatoes and cabbage daily so I am pretty much muscle*

Me: *stopping him* “SIR, I’m sorry. We’re closed. Please leave.”

(By this time our bagger, who was clearing the lot of carts, walks up. It should be noted he is a big guy, a lineman on the local football team.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], need help?”

Customer: *stops, blinks and gets a nasty look on his face* “I want to see the manager.”

Me: “Sir, it’s Christmas Eve; we all want to go home to our families.”

Customer: “I want to see your manager NOW!”

Me: “Sir, it’s Christmas Eve; he’s at home with his family.”

Customer: “Then get the assistant manager!”

Me: “Sir, It’s Christmas Eve; he’s at home with his family.”

Customer: “Then get the other assistant manager!”

Me: “Sir, It’s Christmas Eve; she’s at home with her family.”

Customer: “Then get the assistant manager!”

Me: “Sir, see that man there frantically bagging those customer’s groceries? He is the manager on duty and has two-year-old twins he’s trying to go home to spend Christmas Eve with.”

(My coworker walks up to him, taps him on the shoulder.)

Coworker: “I’d like to go home to be with my family since it’s Christmas Eve, and the manager said I couldn’t go until he does. Give me your list. If I can’t get it in five minutes you’re not getting it.”

Customer: *his head starting to slump in dejection and mumbles* “I don’t have a list.”

Me: “Sir, I’m so sorry. Try and have a Merry Christmas. I hope you can get what you need at the [Competitor] pharmacy.”

(Less than an hour later we all were finally locking up, me warning the assistant manager about the customer. We all notice the customer heading back our way with only a 12-pack of beer.)

Assistant Manager: *shaking his head at the customer* “Thanks, [My Name] and [Coworker]; don’t worry about any complaints. I’ll take care of any with the store manager. Merry Christmas!”

Sadly These Kinds Of Warnings Are Not Nuts

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m working the food demo station at a popular grocery store. The sample of the day is basically a new peanut butter on a cracker. Because of peanut allergies, we have a sign attached to our sneeze guard that says, “Allergy Warning: Contains Nuts.” A customer walks up, reads the sign that says what we’re serving, looks at the sample, then at me.)

Customer #1: “There are peanuts in this! Some people have peanut allergies! You should have a sign warning people with allergies that there are peanuts in this!”

Me: “Yes, we do have an allergy warning right here.” *I point to the sign located right next to the other sign she just read*

Customer #1: “You should have a bigger sign!”

(She walks away without taking a sample. A few minutes later, another customer comes up and reads both signs.)

Customer #2: “‘Contains nuts’? You really need to post this? It’s peanut butter. Of course it contains nuts.”

Me: “You wouldn’t believe it…”

Read My Tulips

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests

(A woman comes in and, since I’m standing near the front of the store, she walks right to me.)

Customer: “Do you work here?” *our favorite question… as though the shirt with the company logo isn’t a dead giveaway*

Me: “Yes. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I know you sell flowers, but do you sell flower bulbs?”

Me: “At the moment we do carry some seasonal bulbs. They are amaryllis bulbs, just for the holiday season. They’re about four dollars each.”

Customer: “No, no, I know about those. I need about forty hyacinth bulbs.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t generally carry bulbs for planting. We only have these amaryllis bulbs as a decorative holiday item.”

Customer: “Well, just FYI, Home Depot doesn’t have hyacinth bulbs, either. They only have tulip bulbs. And I. DON’T. DO. TULIPS!”

You Toy With Me I’ll Toy With You

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

(I answer the phone. The caller is male; I am female.)

Me: “[Grocery], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Your hold music is awesome.”

Me: “Thanks… What can I help you with today?”

Caller: “Do you sell…” *giggles* “…sex toys?”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Caller: *still giggling* “Oh, well, my girlf—” *I disconnect the call*

(Later, when I’m relaying the story to a coworker…)

Me: “I should have said ‘no, you’ll have to find another way to go f*** yourself.'”

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