Customer: “I’d like five pork chops, wrapped in twos.”
Me: “Do you mean two packages?”
Customer: “No, I want five pork chops, wrapped in twos.”
Me: *blank stare*
Customer: *heavy sigh* “Five chops, wrapped two, two and one. See, wrapped in twos.”
(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register.)
Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items, don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”
Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”
Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”
(A coworker is bagging groceries as I ring them up)
Customer: *to my coworker* “Wait! Don’t pack them like that! Honestly, it’s as if no one understands how to pack bags anymore!”
Coworker: *looking down at a loaf of bread on top of some grapefruits in a paper bag* “How do you want them packed?”
Customer: “Clearly the bread needs to go on the bottom! I don’t want the grapefruits to get damaged; they’re fragile!”
Lady: “Hi, I was wondering if I could return some rotten milk? Or get it replaced, or a refund or something.”
Me: “Well, when did you buy it?”
Lady: “A week ago.”
Me: “Okay, when did it expire?”
Lady: “Yesterday.”
Me: “So, you bought it before the expiration date, then it expired. Correct?”
Lady: “Um, yeah, I guess so…”
Me: “We can’t return that, then.”
Lady: “WHAT THE F***! ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME?!”
Me: “Are you serious? You bought it before it expired, kept it until AFTER it expired, and now want to return it?”
Lady: “WELL YOU HAVE A NICE F****** DAY!”
Me: “You too, ma’am.”
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Customer: *in the frozen food aisle* “Do you have ice cream?”
