(I’m working the checkout on a fairly light day. The next person in queue has a young girl with her, about six or seven years old. The girl pulls out a hat from her pocket and puts it on, then reaches for an energy drink on display.)

Mum: “Sweetie, you can’t have that. They’re not good for you.”

(The girl’s face and shoulders drop as she is visibly and suddenly deflated. She takes off her hat and puts the can back.)

Girl: “But mum… I was Mikey! He has them all the time! How did you know it was me? Mikey told me when I wear his hat you would think I was him and would let me buy it, and wouldn’t know it was me.”

Mum: “Oh, sweetie, I’m your mummy. I would recognize you anywhere, no matter whose hat you were wearing.”

(The girl calms down, but is still upset. As her mother and I exchange pleasantries, the girl puts the hat back on and pulls it down low over her face, but I can still see her lips trembling.)

Me: “What a lovely boy you have there, ma’am. He looks really big and strong.”

(The girl cranes her neck up to look at me under the low visor, her eyes huge and shining.)

Me: “Hi, young man. What’s your name?”

Girl: *smiling and trying to fake a deeper voice* “Mikey! Mikey! Michael.”

Me: “That’s a great name, son. You take good care of your mum there, okay?”

(She nods gravely, completely happy and satisfied. As they walk out, I hear the girl’s tiny voice.)

Girl: “Mummy, mummy, I knew it! I knew it would work! Mikey said it would! Do you think daddy would know it’s me, too?”

(The mother turns and gives me a thankful smile and a wink before leaving.)

(I stop by the store on my way to work. A customer is causing quite a scene, while a manager is trying to deal with her.)

Customer: “I won’t leave my dog outside! Do you know how cold it is out there? What about cruelty to animals!?”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You should have left him at home. He cannot come in the store.”

Customer: “Leave him alone? That’s even more cruel!”

(At that point, I’d about had it, as had several other people. I, however, had recently been researching the city’s laws and ordinances regarding animals.)

Me: “Excuse me. But did you know, as per city ordinance, article 5-3, it is ‘unlawful for any person to take or permit any dog, whether loose or on a leash or in arms, in or about any establishment or place of business where food or food products are sold or displayed, including… grocery stores?’ The only exceptions are seeing-eye dogs, hearing dogs, and dogs owned by government agencies. As your dog obviously does not meet any of those qualifications, what you are attempting to do is illegal. Do I really need to call the police, or will you leave and take your dog with you?”

Customer: “Well, I never!” *she storms out, dog in arms*

Manager: “Thank you, ma’am.”

Me: “No trouble. What a moron. I don’t even have a cell phone.”

(I am ringing up an older customer at a grocery store. When it is time to pay she swipes her debit card. She wants to use it as credit and in order to do this, you have to press the red button and hit credit when the machine asks for your pin. The customer keeps putting in her pin and then tells me she wants to do credit, so I have to cancel her card numerous times.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you want to use your card as credit, press the red button when it asks for your pin then press credit.”

(The customer ignores me and continues to type in her pin so I turn the machine around to help her.)

Customer: “How about you stay back there and do what you’re supposed to do and let me do what I’m supposed to do! You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about!”

(I sit there and watch her struggle with it for a couple more minutes.)

Customer: “ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR WHAT?!”

(A group of friends of mine stop by the store where I work. As a joke all of them come to my lane to ‘make me earn my pay’ for the night. A customer with her son tries cutting them all and jumps in the front.)

Customer: “Hurry up! I’m a very important person! I have things to do.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be glad to check you out before each of these gentlemen that you cut if you ask each of them what they do and honestly think that what you do is more important.”

Customer: “FINE!” *turns to Friend #1* “And what do you do?”

Friend #1: “I train soldiers at [local military base] who are willing to fight for your freedom.”

Customer: “… Oh.” *turns to Friend #2* “What about you?”

Friend #2: “I’m a firefighter.”

Customer: “… Um.” *skips Friend #3 and #4 and goes to #5* “And you?”

Friend #5: “I do cancer research.”

(The customer gives up. I proceed to checkout everyone accordingly and the customer pays and bolts out the door.)

Me: “Have I ever told you guys how proud I am to actually know you guys? Wonder why she didn’t ask [Friend #3] and [Friend #4]?”

Friend #3: “Well… she’s a waitress where I eat lunch while I’m on patrol… so she knows I’m a cop!”

Friend #4: “I… I can’t actually say!”

Friend #5: “Fine! I will! Her son came up to [Friend #4] and asked how working at [medical practice where Friend #4 is shadowing] is going. She sees him at her kid’s pediatrician!”

(I am working at the customer service desk at the grocery store in my town. It’s about three in the afternoon, and I’m an hour into an eight-hour shift. I am alone at the front of the store, when a customer that I do not know comes up to me.)

Me: “Hello. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Hey, I need a babysitter for my kid tonight. Can you come and do it?”

(I’m a little taken aback but give her a smile anyway.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry but I am working the closing shift tonight.”

Customer: “Great! Who is supposed to watch my kid tonight? I have very important plans!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

Customer: “Thanks a lot! You just ruined my entire night! Teenagers today are so lazy and worthless!”

(I stare at her open-mouthed as she stomps away. A few minutes later, I see her ask another one of my coworkers, whom politely declines, because she’s also working all night. The customer rushes out of the store cussing, leaving her full cart of groceries behind.)