(I was working as a promoter for a [Popular Brand] inside a supermarket telling people that they can buy certain items within the brand for a certain amount of money and then receive a gift at the front. I explain this to one woman.)

Customer: “Do dark chocolates count?”

Me: “Yes, they certainly do.”

Customer: “But they didn’t count last week.”

Me: “I wasn’t aware of that; I worked in a different store last week, but I assure you, you will receive your gift if you buy the dark chocolates.”

(The woman was still suspicious, so I showed her the list of products that I had in my hand.)

Customer: “What about the one for cooking?”

Me: “Yes, that one counts as well.”

Customer: “But they didn’t count last week!””

Me: “Again, I know nothing about that.”

(I show her my list again.)

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “I’m not sure. It’s around [price], but if you look over there, just a couple of meters away, you’ll see the exact price.”

Customer: “How do you not know the price? You work here.”

Me: “Actually, I don’t work in the supermarket. I don’t even work for [Popular Brand]. I work for a marketing agency that was hired by the brand. I work in different stores every week and the prices vary.”

Customer: “You know, I’m older and, therefore, wiser, so I’ll forgive you this time, but there are all sorts of idiots out there that are going to make a fuss about something as trivial as this. I would advise you to try and do your job a little better next time. But it’s okay.”

(She kissed me on the cheek, smiled a fake smile, and walked away without the chocolates.)

(The Swedish word for the number six is ‘sex.’ The cashier is just about to charge an elderly couple for their groceries.)

Cashier: “That’s 106 kronor.”

(The old man hands him a 100 kronor bill.)

Cashier: “I need six kronor more.”

Old Man: *to cashier* “What did you say?”

Old Woman: “He said he wanted sex.”

Cashier: *getting red but trying to smile* “Six kronor more.”

Old Man: “What?”

Old Woman: *loudly* “He said he wants sex!”

(Both the queue behind them and the queue for the other register go silent and stare.)

Cashier: *loudly* “Kronor!”

Old Man: *loudly* “Speak up woman!”

Old Woman: *almost screaming* “THE CASHIER WANTS SEX FROM YOU!”

Cashier: *screaming* “SIX KRONOR!”

(I work in a meat department at a big name store. None of the people who work at night are trained to use the saws, so they start having one of the trained people come in at night. We never really know which one, so we have a tendency to ask another night clerk in the department.)

Me: *stocking the cases*

Coworker: “Hey, who’s working with us tonight?”

Me: “[Department Head].”

Coworker: “D*** it! I hate working with him!”!

Me: “Um…”

Coworker: “It’s just so annoying!”

Me: “…he’s right behind you.”

Department Head: *stocking another shelf nearby, and turns to say* “That was actually pretty funny!”

(A customer comes to my register with some jars of mayonnaise. And by ‘some,’ I mean a whole basketful.)

Me: “So… that’s quite a lot of mayonnaise you’re buying.”

Customer: “I know, but my daughter’s expecting.”

Me: “All of this is for your pregnant daughter?”

Customer: “Yep. She needs these, or I’m in a lot of trouble.”

Me: “Sir, I’m really sorry if it’s not my place to judge, but I don’t think you should give that much mayonnaise to your daughter. I understand that cravings can get out of control, but this much mayonnaise can’t possibly be good for her health.”

Customer: “No! It’s for her baby shower! She’s making deviled eggs!”

Me: “Oh! That makes more sense.”

(I should probably work on my conversation skills.)

(I’ve been having a really bad day due to a customer I had earlier. An older gentleman comes up to my till and I smile weakly at him.)

Me: “How are you doing today, sir?”

Customer #1: “I’m doing just fine, little lady. How are you?”

Me: “I’m all right. Are you getting the dog food as well?”

Customer #1: “Yes, but I’m going to pay for that with cash, if that’s all right?”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(I continue to check out the grocery portion of it and he pays. I next begin scanning the dog food when a woman behind him in line sees it and flicks her gaze to Customer #1.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, sir?”

(Both he and I look at the woman. I’m bracing myself for an altercation.)

Customer #2: “I just really love dogs. Would you mind if I buy those for you?”

Customer #1: “Y-you don’t have to!”

Customer #2: “I know, but I want to. I really love dogs and I want to do anything I can for them.”

(With Customer #1’s blessing, she added the cans of dog food to her $30 order. Faith in humanity was restored and my day improved after that!)