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Not Always Right On So Many Levels

, , , | Right | July 8, 2008

(A customer on crutches starts screaming racist epithets at her cashier.)

Disabled Customer: “You god-d*** n*****! You b****! How could you do that to me?! This is discrimination!”

Cashier: *totally shocked*

(I walk over right away. Keep in mind, I’m white.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you’re upset, but could you please watch your language? There are children here. Now, I’d be ha–”

Disabled Customer: “Y’all hate people with disabilities! F*** the children! And f*** you, you n*****! I’m calling corporate!”

Me: “If that’s what you want to do, ma’am, I can’t stop you.”

Disabled Customer: “D*** right you can’t, you black b****!”

(She suddenly throws down her “crutches” and very easily walks out of the store.)

Another Customer: “Wait, did she just call you black?”

(She did end up calling the corporate office, but it was dismissed because she kept calling the operator a sand monkey and saying that she was going to burn in h*** for stealing white people’s jobs. To do this day, whenever we get bored we play with her crutches in the back stock room.)


This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

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Life’s Great Mysteries, Volume 1

, , | Right | July 1, 2008

(I’m working in the meat department as a middle-aged woman in a business suit approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: *dead serious* “What’s the difference between beef and pork?”

Me: “Um… one comes from a pig, and one comes from a cow. ”

Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ve always wondered that!”

(She walks off happily and I never worked with the public again.)

Just Quit While You’re Ahead

, , | Right | June 25, 2008

Me: “You find everything okay today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh my God! What’s wrong with your face? Are you okay?”

Me: “What? What are you talking about?”

Customer: “Your jaw! It’s so swollen!”

Me: “Um… no, I’m just fine.”

Customer: “Oh… your left jaw is just so huge, I thought, maybe… never mind.”

Never Piss Off A Man With A Meat Cleaver

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2008

(It is 5:45 pm on Christmas Eve, and the grocery store I work at closes at 6:00 pm.)

Customer: “Why don’t you have any big frozen turkeys? I need a 20-pound frozen turkey!”

Me: “Sir, we only have what’s left in the counter.”

Customer: “Go look in the back! I know you have some hiding back there.”

Me: “Um, sir, I put all the turkeys out already. What’s out is all we have.”

Customer: “LISTEN! I NEED A G**D*** 20-POUND TURKEY! GET IN THE BACK AND FIND ME ONE!”

Me: “There are no more turkeys in the back.”

Customer: “I’ll just go look myself!”

(The customer proceeds to march through the “Staff Only” doors and is met by one of the butchers who stands 6′ 5″.)

Customer: “GET ME A G**D*** TURKEY!”

Big Butcher: “GET THE H*** OUT OF MY STORE!”


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

Read the next Christmas Eve roundup story!

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And Here, We See The Customer In His Native Habitat

, , | Right | June 23, 2008

(I was quietly working down my aisle when a disgruntled man stops at the end and looks at me.)

Me: *resumes working as he is making no advances*

Man: “Awwharhaghhsss!”

Me: *looks up*

Man: “TOMATO SAUCE!” *angry look*

Me: “Uhhhh…”

Man: *furious look*

Me: “…aisle 10!”