(It is mid December and Hanukkah is approaching.)

Me: “Excuse me, do you carry Hanukkah candles?”

Employee: “Yeah, they’re down here with all this weird stuff.”

(She leads me down an aisle and points out the candles. The ‘weird stuff’ turned out to be Gefilte fish, matzo, matzo meal, latke mix, etc…)

Me: “Ma’am, that weird stuff is what we Jewish people call food. “

(I am shopping at a grocery store, when another customer reaches into my cart and grabs a package of ground turkey. It was on sale, so I was buying eight packages of it. Of note, I am wearing a black t shirt and blue jeans; the store employees wear blue vests and nametags.)

Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Woman: “I’m trying to help you out. God, you can’t even say thank you?”

Me: “How does taking food out of my shopping cart help me?”

Woman: “Now you don’t have to go put this one back. Geez, you’re welcome.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m a customer here. If you take my food, it means I have to go back and pick up another one. That’s not helping.”

Woman: “Don’t lie to me, boy. No one would buy this much turkey at once.”

Me: “I would. It’s on sale, and I’ve got a chest freezer at home, so I can buy a lot when it’s on sale and use it up gradually. Please give me back my food.”

Woman: “It’s mine now. And I’m going to complain to your supervisor. You shouldn’t be so rude to your customers.”

Me: “Since I don’t work here, good luck with that.”

(I decided it wasn’t worth arguing with her anymore, and went to go get another package of turkey. I hope she did try to complain to a manager.)

(My store closes at 9:00 pm and I am the last register open on a Friday night. A couple came through my line around 8:45 with a cart full of groceries. I ring them up and finish around 8:55.)

Me: *cheerily* “That’ll be $87.95.”

Woman: “Oh, I have coupons!”

(She proceeds to take out a handful of coupons and hands them to me hastily. I scan them in.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $79.45.”

Woman: “Um, you didn’t scan them all in.”

Me: “Yes, I did, ma’am. One of them is expired so I can’t use it but the rest I scanned.”

Woman: “But you’re missing one. I gave you ten coupons and there are only eight there.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. You actually only gave me nine.”

Woman: “Well, I had ten; it was for a dollar off so just ring it in.”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss. I can’t put the coupon in unless you have it with you. I need it so my drawer won’t be off.”

Woman: *screams* “This is completely ridiculous!! I had ten coupons so give me my other coupon!”

Husband: “Just give it to her. It’s fine.”

Me: “No, it’s not. I’m not allowed to give you the coupon unless you have it. Sorry, it’s my job.”

(At this point the woman’s eyes looked like they were about to bug out of her head as she threw the cash on the register.)

Woman: “Just give me my change.”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your change is $19.55, have a great night.”

Woman: *huffs, grabs her cart, and sprints out of the store, husband trailing behind*

(My manager walks over and just stares after them. It is 9:15 pm at this point.)

Manager: “If anyone like that b**** bothers you again let me know so I can take care of them. People are f****** awful.”

(I am waiting to punch in for the day. As I am, one of my coworkers is having a issues with an item. Another coworker is helping her out.)

Coworker #1: “So, do you know how to do this?”

Coworker #2: “I have not done this type of math since like the 5th grade! No. Hey, [Coworker #3] get over here!”

(Coworker #3 goes over, and he is having issues. I walk over, still not punched in.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, [My Name] is here! She is good at this stuff!”

Me: “What is the issue?”

Coworker #1: “So, the customer bought three things of meat. It is on sale saying that if you buy them, one will be $1.99 per pound, and the rest $2.99. It took off for the $1.99 but not the $2.99.”

(I grab a calculator and walk over to the customer’s cart. I look at the meat to see how much per pound it is so I can do math. It is already $2.99 per pound.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1], get over here!”

(She comes and I point it out to her.)

Coworker #1: “Haha, oops. This is why you are here!”

Me: “Really, like what do you guys do when I am NOT here?”

Coworker #3: “Pray and hope for the best.”

(I am around five and I am at the grocery store with my dad. We are waiting in line and it is long because only a few registers are open. When we are next to be rung up a business lady defiantly walks in front of me and my dad and proceeds to unload her cart.)

Me: “Hey, dad, that lady just budged us!”

(To this my dad replied loudly enough for everyone around us to hear:)

Dad: “Well, [My Name], it’s all right for her to do that because she is important. Far more important than we are. In fact, she probably works for the government and she has to cut in front of us because they need her to help save the world. So, don’t get angry that she walked in front of us like we didn’t exist because she’s way too important to the country to wait in line like a normal person. In fact, she probably doesn’t wait in line anywhere because lives could be lost if she doesn’t get her milk and eggs three minutes sooner.”

(At this point the cashier has stopped ring her items up and everyone around us was watching. The woman turned to us, a mixture of annoyed and embarrassed.)

Woman: “I, uh… You can go in front of me if you’d like…”

(My dad holds up his hand.)

Dad: “I would never, ma’am. Your time is far too important for us mere peasants to waste. You go off and keep protecting our country.”

(She was completely red as she finished her purchase and walked out quickly.)