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The Produce Section Is Too Deep To Ford

, , , | Right | December 18, 2008

(I was a customer observing this exchange.)

Customer: *picks up an apple and takes a large bite out of it*

Employee: “Sir, what are you doing?”

Customer: “I’m sampling an apple to make sure it’s not mealy. The last apples I got here were all mealy.”

Employee: “Er… it’s generally not a very good idea to do that… those aren’t washed.”

Customer: *sets the apple back down* “YOU DON’T WASH THEM?! Don’t you know you can spread dysentery?!”

Employee: “They’re washed before they come in here, but we can’t wash them on the shelf. And sir, you have to pay for that.”

Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying for something that’ll give me dysentery!”

Employee: “We can’t sell an apple that has a HUGE BITE taken out of it!”

Customer: *stomps off*

Customer #2: *observing nearby “Someone should tell him, ‘You have died of dysentery.'”

It’s Best To Not Get Involved

, , , | Right | December 10, 2008

(I’m putting up price tags, and a woman is heard screaming on her phone off in the distance.)

Customer: “Why can’t I ever make you happy? Nothing I ever do for you is enough… WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? YOU’RE NEVER HAPPY!”

(She stops at the condoms section – the section I’m working on – and grabs a thirty-pack of condoms.)

Customer: “You know what? I’m getting condoms at [Store]. BE READY WHEN I GET HOME!” *storms off*


This story is part of the Overheard roundup!

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Whole Grain, Half A Brain

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2008

(At our natural foods store, a customer swipes her card through the debit machine and is looking at me funny.)

Customer: “Um… where is the stylus?”

Me: “This machine doesn’t have one; we have a pen to sign anything. Did you want that as credit?”

Customer: “No, I want to enter my PIN but I don’t understand how I am supposed to do that with no stylus.”

Me: “Oh, well… you just press the buttons.”

Customer: “You mean I have to use my fingers?!”

Me: “Yes, you use your fingers…”


This story is part of the Still-Not-Getting-It roundup!

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Maybe We Should Shellac Them Next Time

, , , | Right | October 21, 2008

Customer: “I’d like to complain about these donuts I bought.”

Me: “Okay, madam, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “They’re stale. I bought them, went to eat them, and they’re stale! I want my money back!”

Me: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry. Let me have a look at them and we’ll sort this out.”

(I look at the bad donuts.)

Me: “Ah, I see your problem, Madam. When did you buy these?”

Customer: “About two weeks ago. Why?”

Me: “Well, the use by date was about ten days ago which explains why they were stale.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “You have to eat them by the use by date or they’ll go stale. I can’t give you your money back.”

Customer: “This makes no sense! I didn’t get a chance to eat them so I want my money back!”

Too Much Of A Good Thing

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2008

Customer: “Where is your manager?”

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “These cones are the problem. There are too many.”

Me: “You bought too many cones?”

Customer: “Kid, read this for me. That box says twelve cones, right? Well, I bought it for my daughter’s birthday party yesterday and opened it up to find fourteen cones. That’s false advertising! I could sue your a** off for doing that. Now get me the god-d*** manager!”

Me: “Sir, please accept my sincerest apologies for any inconvenience you may have suffered.”

(I open the box, remove two cones, and hand it back to him.)

Customer: *muttering* “A man’s got to get his money’s worth…”