(I’m shopping for a new digital camera. I’m looking through the cameras they have on section.)

Me: *tries to turn on the first one* “Hmm.” *tries to turn on the second one* “O… kay.”

Worker: “Can I help you, sir?”

Me: “Yes, I hope so. I’m looking for a camera. It needs to take decent quality photos and be in [price range].”

Worker: “Well, we have lots of very good cameras here.”

Me: “Yes, but none of them turn on! How can I decide on a camera if I can’t see what pictures it takes?”

Worker: “Well, if you go online you can see sample pictures.”

Me: “Yes, but then again, if I go online I can buy cheaper cameras from your competitors. I really wanted to see it working.”

Worker: “Well, if you do that you won’t get reward points.”

(Needless to say I bought from somewhere else, somewhere I could actually try it first and see the picture quality.)

(The grocery store I work in has a week every summer in which we put Hawaiian-esque foods on sale, such as tuna, pineapples, spam, pork, coconuts, etc. Neighborhood luaus are very popular in our area during the summer. We have signs proclaiming this all over the store.)

Customer: “I need to speak to your manager right away!”

Me: “I’m the manager. What can I help you with, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’m an English teacher, and I’m appalled by your signs!”

Me: “What’s wrong with them?”

Customer: “Whoever made then doesn’t know how to spell! Don’t you people know that you can’t put four consonants in a row?”

Me: “You mean vowels? And that is how you spell ‘Hawaiian,’ ma’am.”

Customer: *exasperated* “God, all of you are such f****** idiots! I’m looking it up on my phone right now!”

(She did just that, and my coworkers and I watched as she suddenly paled, ditched her cart, and left the store. We haven’t seen her back since, even though she was a regular.)

Me: “Hiya! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to exchange this peanut butter.”

(She hands me the peanut butter and the receipt.)

Me: “Oh, okay. Any reason? Is it bad?”

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not bad. It’s just that it’s the chunky kind, and I need creamy.”

Me: “Oh! Well, if you want to go grab the one you want, I’ll get you fixed up and on your way!”

(She goes and gets the creamy peanut butter and comes back. I check the prices and hand her the right one.)

Me: “All righty, you’re all set! Have a good day!”

Customer: “Thank you!” *laughs* “I can’t believe I picked this up. I can’t have the one with the chunks in it. I’m allergic to peanuts!”

(She walked off and my manager and I exchanged very confused glances.)

(My card is a debit card with a limited credit facility. As it was introduced only a couple months’ prior, I usually have to explain this to cashiers whenever I make a payment, as well as indicate that I would like to pay with the debit or credit feature.)

Cashier: “That would be [amount].”

Me: *hands over card* “Master debit, please.”

Cashier: “What? Nets or Master?”

Me: “Master debit.”

Cashier: “Okay. Master.”

(She swipes the card and the options for Credit and Debit came on the screen, with Credit as the default.)

Me: *quickly* “Debit!”

Cashier: “Okay.”

(The cashier presses enter to approve the transaction using Credit. The receipt comes out and she hands it to me.)

Me: “No, no, I said ‘Debit’. I said it a few times!”

Cashier: *shrug* “I don’t know how to choose debit or credit. I just push the button. You wanted debit? You should have said so earlier.”

Me: “I did! A few times! Now you need to reverse the charge and re-do the transaction.”

Cashier: “I don’t know how to. Just take your stuff and go. It’s not like you’ve been charged the wrong amount. Why do you want to make me work so hard?”

Me: “No. Call your manager. Now.”

(The manager arrives and I explain the situation, with the cashier vehemently protesting that she had been right all the while and I was the one who was causing trouble.)

Manager: “[Cashier], you were briefed that there was this card. In fact, you went through training just yesterday to ensure that you know how to use the credit card terminal. It was your mistake! Now, you need to cancel this transaction and re-do everything correctly.”

Cashier: “But I don’t know how.”

Manager: “Fine, I’ll do it. You watch and learn.”

(The manager proceeds to cancel my transaction and then re-scans my items and swipes my card.)

Manager: “Now, how do I choose the debit option?”

Me: *sighs* “Can you let me see the terminal? Okay, press the down arrow there. Now you see that ‘Debit’ is highlighted? Okay, push the ‘OK’ button.”

(My transaction finally went through, but I didn’t dare to use that particular card until a few months later!)

(I’ve been looking in a stack for a recipe that I’ve printed off multiple times in the past month, but keeps getting lost.)

Me: “Ugh, how do we lose so many of these recipes?”

Coworker: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, why not? You’re supposed to know. Why else would we keep you?”

Coworker: “Well then, the answer is the square root of laziness times the cosine of disorganization.”

(It was the nerdiest way to say our coworkers were lazy slobs, but it made my day!)