(I drink large quantities of pop/soda. I went to the store to pick up a couple 12-packs, not grabbing a cart because I can carry them. They are out of my favorite, but have two-liter bottles on sale. I don’t want to get a cart, so I just pick up a box of eight of them.)

Cashier: “Dang, you got the whole box?”

Me: “I didn’t get a cart and was too lazy to walk and get one.”

Cashier: *takes one out and scans it 7 times* “Yeah, I get you man.” *pauses, then counts the bottles in the box under his breath* “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.”

(He proceeded to do this THREE times, even tapping the bottles as he counted. He put the eighth bottle in and promptly charged me for the seven he counted to. I just stood there in bewilderment.)

Cashier: “Have a nice day!”

Me: “Uh… you, too…”

(Sometimes we get customers who don’t realise that we have so many variations of different meats. This happens on a day when my coworker is tired and on her last nerve, and is therefore being rather unhelpful.)

Customer: “I’d like some of that one, please.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “The salami.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “The mild.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: *irked* “The Hungarian.”

Coworker: “Which one?”

Customer: “Gah! The one that isn’t free range!”

Coworker: *smiles brightly* “Coming right up, sir!”

(The customer looked about ready to smash his head onto the counter. Occasionally when I order something from this coworker I’ll repeat the above conversation just for a laugh. For some reason she never finds it funny.)

(I’m the manager on duty on a hot day in July. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Your dumpster is a disgrace! It’s full of rotten meat! It smells terrible, and has maggots in it! Someone could get sick!”

Me: “Well, it’s been very hot out, and the meat department has been doing a lot of trimming lately. But I have to ask: what were you doing in our dumpster?”

Customer: “Don’t change the subject!” *storms out*

(I’ve just reunited with my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in nine months, and am bearing the evidence in the form of love bites all over my neck. I’m in line at the grocery store, with a middle-aged and an elderly woman behind me. The middle-aged woman is muttering to the elderly woman.)

Middle-Aged Woman: *barely loud enough for me to hear* “It’s just disgraceful!”

Elderly Woman: *loudly* “Oh, shut the f*** up and stop hating on her just because she’s getting laid and you’re not!”

(I gave the elderly woman a thumbs-up over my shoulder. She cackled and the middle-aged woman turned red and didn’t say a word until I got out of line.)

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(I am a customer in a supermarket. Unfortunately, I am standing by the dairy aisle watching a paramedics team trying to save a man on the floor who’s probably had a heart attack. Both ends of the aisle are crudely boxed off and a member of staff is standing there preventing anyone entering the aisle. At the far end of the aisle there’s a middle-aged woman arguing with the staff member to be quickly let in to just get a tub of spread. She is quietly being told no. The woman must have run down the next aisle because she suddenly appears next to me and starts arguing again with another staff member.)

Customer: “Can you just reach over and pass me a tub of that [Spread]?”

Staff Member: “Ma’am, please, have a bit of sensitivity…”

Customer: “Oh, right! As if he cares one way or another!”

(The rest of us customers stared at each other in disbelief!)