(I’m the manager on duty on a hot day in July. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Your dumpster is a disgrace! It’s full of rotten meat! It smells terrible, and has maggots in it! Someone could get sick!”

Me: “Well, it’s been very hot out, and the meat department has been doing a lot of trimming lately. But I have to ask: what were you doing in our dumpster?”

Customer: “Don’t change the subject!” *storms out*

(I’ve just reunited with my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in nine months, and am bearing the evidence in the form of love bites all over my neck. I’m in line at the grocery store, with a middle-aged and an elderly woman behind me. The middle-aged woman is muttering to the elderly woman.)

Middle-Aged Woman: *barely loud enough for me to hear* “It’s just disgraceful!”

Elderly Woman: *loudly* “Oh, shut the f*** up and stop hating on her just because she’s getting laid and you’re not!”

(I gave the elderly woman a thumbs-up over my shoulder. She cackled and the middle-aged woman turned red and didn’t say a word until I got out of line.)

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(I am a customer in a supermarket. Unfortunately, I am standing by the dairy aisle watching a paramedics team trying to save a man on the floor who’s probably had a heart attack. Both ends of the aisle are crudely boxed off and a member of staff is standing there preventing anyone entering the aisle. At the far end of the aisle there’s a middle-aged woman arguing with the staff member to be quickly let in to just get a tub of spread. She is quietly being told no. The woman must have run down the next aisle because she suddenly appears next to me and starts arguing again with another staff member.)

Customer: “Can you just reach over and pass me a tub of that [Spread]?”

Staff Member: “Ma’am, please, have a bit of sensitivity…”

Customer: “Oh, right! As if he cares one way or another!”

(The rest of us customers stared at each other in disbelief!)

(I work in a large supermarket in a tourist-y area. The last few years there has been almost persistent snow cover on the mountains from November through February. This December, however, has been really mild with temperatures consistently in the high single figures or low double figures. I am approached as I am stacking some shelves.)

Customer: “WHERE’S THE SNOW?!”

Me: “Erm… excuse me, sorry? Snow? I don’t follow.”

Customer: “You know! SNOW! I was promised there’d be snow!”

Me: *thinking he must mean a product* “Can you describe it? I can show you our seasonal aisle if you want to browse for tree decorations and ornaments.”

Customer: “No! I want ACTUAL snow. Like, falling from the sky. They said it would be the coldest winter on record. I booked a holiday here especially!”

Me: “Erm… sorry that the weather’s mild. I don’t know what you want me to do about it, though?”

Customer: “Tell me why there’s no snow!”

Me: “Well, the wind is coming from the south-west, instead of the north. I guess it’s warmer where it came from than where it’s going and keeping our temperatures mild.”

Customer: *walks off* “THERE’S NO SNOW!”

(I was left there standing and wondering what had just happened.)

(I ring up a lady who got only a carving pumpkin, which are quite large, and she slides her card through the machine. I’m 16 and relatively new to my job.)

Me: “That’s weird; it didn’t charge your card.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “It charged $0.00 to your card. Could you slide it again for me?”

Customer: “No, it’ll charge me twice.”

Me: “Well, it charged $0.00 the first time, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(She slides her card again. This time I realize she’s using food stamps.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, it’s not food stamp eligible.”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not.”

Customer: “Pumpkins are technically food, so yes, it is.”

Me: “The computer doesn’t think it is.”

Customer: “Look, kid, have they not taught you in school yet that you can pay for food with food stamps?”

Me: “Ma’am, these are ‘carving’ pumpkins.”

Customer: “Okay, now you’re pissing me off. Pumpkins are food. Now, ring it up right or I’m going to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand that pumpkins are food, but we sell these pumpkins specifically for carving, not for eating.”

Customer: “Pumpkins. Are. Food.”

Me: “Do you intend to eat it?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Are you going to eat this pumpkin, ma’am?”

Customer: “…no, but that shouldn’t matter.”

Me: “Ma’am, food stamps are for people who can’t afford to buy food themselves. If you can afford to use them to buy decorations, then maybe you shouldn’t be using them.”

(She glares at me for a second, then hands me a five-dollar bill.)

Customer: “Unbelievable.”

(She then stormed out.)

This story is part of our Pumpkin Spice roundup!

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