(A special, one-time-only 12-pack has been released by Sierra Nevada. It contains brewing collaborations with 12 different brewers across the country, and is aptly named “Beer Camp Across America”)

Me: “Hi, I was wondering if you had a specialty item in stock. It’s a new 12-pack called ‘Beer Camp’.”

Employee: “You said it’s called ‘Beer Camp’?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right. By Sierra Nevada.”

Employee: “Do you know what section that would be in?”

Me: “…Beer?”

(I notice a little girl, about four to five years old swinging on a trolley.)

Me: *to her mother* “You should be careful. We’ve got CCTV footage from a few months ago of a girl pulling a trolley over on herself doing that.”

Mother: “Was that in the biscuit aisle?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mother: “Yeah, that was her.”

(I’m a lolita fashion enthusiast, and as such I attend a lot of local lolita meetups dressed up in lolita outfits, called “coords”, which usually involve lacy blouses, petticoats, and large skirts with opulent designs. I decide to stop at the store and pick up a few things after a meetup, still wearing one of my coords. While I’m walking through the aisles, I notice a man pushing a cart with a little girl sitting inside.)

Girl: *whispering* “Daddy, is she a princess?”

Man: “She looks like it, huh? Why don’t we go ask?”

(They walk up to me.)

Man: “Excuse me, miss, my daughter has a question.”

Me: *to her* “Yes?

Girl: “Are you a princess?”

Me: *playing along* “Oh, dear, I guess I shouldn’t have left the palace dressed like this. Okay, I snuck out so I could buy some snacks. The king’s very strict about me eating food from outside the castle, but I managed to get away for a while. But you two have to promise me you won’t tell anyone you saw me here, or I’ll be in big trouble, okay? The king might even take away my magic wand.”

Girl: “I promise! Promise, daddy!”

Man: “I promise, your highness.”

Me: “Thank you so much! Okay, have a great day, you two.”

(I curtsy as best as I can, pay for my things, and go. I’ve gotten a variety of different reactions to my lolita coords, but that was the cutest to date.)

(It’s Mother’s Day. Please note that I am 23 and look a little young for my age.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Happy Mother’s Day!”

Me: “Thank you, sir?”

Customer: “You’re not a mother?”

Me: “No, sir!”

Customer: “Uh, Happy Sunday, then!”

(There’s a particular brand of spicy sauce I really enjoy, but there have been a number of issues lately; one bottle was unsealed when I got it and visibly missing some, another was already expired despite being well inside the date, and the third one had the entire plastic cap shatter while opening it. Fed up, I decide to just get my money back and try another brand.)

Employee: “Oh no! I’m so sorry that all happened, sir!”

Me: “Oh, it’s not your fault; I’d just like my money back.”

Employee: “Of course, right away, and again I’m so, so sorry!”

Me: “No, it’s all right! No worries, not for you guys anyway.”

Employee: “All right, sir. Thank you, and again, I’m sorry!”

Me: “It’s fine!”

(This continues through the whole transaction, with her apologizing 2-3 times for each step. Eventually, the manager working alongside takes notice and comes up.)

Manager: “Is there a problem here?!”

Me: “No! I mean, not any more. I’ve just had to exchange something a few times, and finally I just gave up and wanted my money back. I’ve been telling the poor girl I’m not angry at anyone but she’s been apologizing constantly.”

Manager: “Oh! Well, I’m sor—”

Me: “OH, NO, not you too!”

(I throw my hands up in a fake-dramatic flare, which thankfully gets the manager laughing, and the other girl looking confused.)

Me: “I worked the register at [Department Store] for three years, and do the customer-contact end of warehouse shipping now. I know all about getting yelled at for someone else’s goofs!”

(Turns out, it was the employee’s FIRST day on the job past training, and it had been a long succession of people yelling constantly even after they got their way. She’d been almost panicked and was just waiting for me to start doing it, too!)