A Rose By Any Other Name

, | Right | December 8, 2007

(A customer comes to the bakery and asks me if we sell some ointment.)

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t sell that here.”

Customer: “Where can I get it?”

Me: “I would suggest one of the local pharmacies.” *I name a few, including B & J’s Pharmacy*

Customer: “Is B & J’s Pharmacy…a pharmacy?”

Me: “Yes…”

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Miss Impossible

, , | Right | November 23, 2007

(Two days before Thanksgiving, people are picking up their orders of turkeys. One customer placed an order late, for a 20 lb. fresh Butterball. We didn’t get many of those, so I reserved a 20 lb. fresh “other” turkey.)

Me: “Well, I do have a previously frozen Butterball that a customer changed their mind on. It’s pretty much thawed out; you could have that.”

Customer: “No, my mother won’t eat frozen turkey.”

Me: “Well, then, take the fresh one.”

Customer: “My mother only eats Butterball.”

Me: “This is a Butterball, and since you have to thaw it anyway to cook it, why not take the Butterball?”

Customer: “She won’t eat frozen turkeys.”

Me: “We still have small fresh Butterballs. Why not take two of them?”

Customer: “No, my mother is making a turkey, too, and I don’t want to have three of them.”

Me: *exasperated*


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Kids, This Is Why You Stay In School

, , , | Right | November 23, 2007

Customer: “I’d like five pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: “Do you mean two packages?”

Customer: “No, I want five pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: *heavy sigh* “Five chops, wrapped two, two and one. See, wrapped in twos.”

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Psst… The Sun Gives You Cancer, Too

, , , | Right | November 16, 2007

(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register.)

Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items, don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”

Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”

Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”

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Damaged Goods, And We’re Not Talking Groceries

, , , | Right | November 12, 2007

(A coworker is bagging groceries as I ring them up)

Customer: *to my coworker* “Wait! Don’t pack them like that! Honestly, it’s as if no one understands how to pack bags anymore!”

Coworker: *looking down at a loaf of bread on top of some grapefruits in a paper bag* “How do you want them packed?”

Customer: “Clearly the bread needs to go on the bottom! I don’t want the grapefruits to get damaged; they’re fragile!”

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