(I work in the deli section of my store. At 8 pm, we remove all the unsold food from our hot case and wing bar to throw it out. We have dumped all that food into a cardboard box which is sitting on a cart behind the counter but haven’t thrown it out yet. Ten minutes later, I see two cashiers from the front end picking through the old wings at the top of the pile of old food and putting them in to-go boxes.)

Me: “You don’t want those.”

Cashier #1: “Yeah, we do.”

Cashier #2: “They look like they’re still good to me.”

Me: “That’s gross. They’re all hard and crusty and old.”

Cashier #1: “That’s what she said!”

Me: *shuddering* “God, I hope she didn’t say that!”

(It’s a slow day, so a male coworker, a female coworker, and myself are chatting when we notice the light has burnt out on one of the registers. My male coworker grabs a new bulb and climbs up onto the register belt to change it. My female coworker and I follow.)

Me: “You’re so good at changing light bulbs!”

Male Coworker: “Thank you. I practice all the time. Wow, this thing is really dirty!”

Female Coworker: “Maybe you should do some cleaning while you’re up there…”

(Just then a customer walks up to us and looks from my coworker standing on the register to the two of us on the floor watching.)

Customer: “How many [store] employees does it take to change a light bulb?”

(I’m in my check-stand when I see a customer’s child is standing on the cart’s seat.)

Me: “Sir, you really shouldn’t have your child standing on the seat.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because he could fall and injure himself.”

Customer: “It’s okay. I can just sue you guys if he falls.”

(The customer then proceeded to shop with the child standing on the seat. Luckily the child didn’t fall.)

(My boyfriend and I are standing in line for checkout with an older man behind us in a motorized shopping cart. The store specializes in bulk items so our cart is almost overflowing with groceries.)

Old Man: “You know, looking at you two I can tell you both must have had mothers that were good cooks. You obviously never went to bed hungry.”

(Both of us are of slightly larger stature. However, I happen to be eight months pregnant and am obviously showing.)

Me: *while faking a smile* “Actually my dad did the cooking, and he’s looking forward to being called grandpa.”

(The color drained from the old man’s face as he mumbled an apology and abandoned his spot in line.)

(I’m working the self-scan machines. A grandfather comes by with his granddaughter in the seat of the shopping cart. He takes a pack of cookies from the nearby shelf and gives them to her.)

Grandfather: “Okay, honey, what should we get next?”

Granddaughter: “MEAT!”

Me: *chuckling* “I guess she’s a little carnivore, huh?”

Grandfather: *also laughing* “Well, her mom’s a vegetarian so I can’t really give her meat.”

Granddaughter: *bouncing in the seat with a big smile* “MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT!”

Me: “I don’t think she’s a vegetarian, sir.”