Open-Minded About Being Closed

, , , , | Right | September 15, 2017

(I work at a store that stays open until 10 pm each night. On this day, it’s around 9:58 pm, my manager and I are the only ones still in the store, we’ve cleaned up, and we are walking to lock the front door, keys in hand, when a car pulls into a space outside and an entire family gets out and runs up to the door.)

Father: “Wait! Wait! Are you still open?”

(I look at my manager who, to my annoyance, just shrugs.)

Manager: “Technically, yes, we are.”

Father: “Great! We only need a few things!”

(Unable to do anything now, we let them in and watch as their kids begin destroying the aisles we have just organized while the parents take their time grabbing things and tossing them into a hand basket. Some time later, they come up to the register, which my manager has reopened for them. I’m bagging.)

Father: “So, when do you guys normally close?”

Manager: “We actually are closed now.”

Father: “What!? That’s impossible! You said you weren’t closed when we came in!”

Manager: “That’s because you came in just before 10 pm, when we do close.”

(The father gives us both a blank look.)

Manager: “You’ve been in here for almost 30 minutes.”

(More blank looks.)

Mother: “Honey, time doesn’t stop while you’re in here.”

(Another moment passes as the father looks at his wife, the clock on his phone, then at the manager in shocked silence.)

Father: “Well… why didn’t you say that before we came in? If I’d known that, we’d have gone to a different store!”

(He grumbles as we ring up his purchases and his wife corrals their kids, getting in a final jab as they leave.)

Father: “Next time just tell us to go elsewhere!”

Manager: “…but I was trying to AVOID that very argument!”

Claim To Fame Is To Blame

, , , | Right | September 14, 2017

(An older gentleman is approaching my check stand.)

Me: “Are you ready to go, sir?”

Customer: “Man, with all these pretty ladies standing around here, I don’t want to go! My claim to fame is near! That’s what we say on the east coast…”

Me: *laughing, I finish ringing up his items while he continues to say somewhat hilarious things* “Is that all for you today?”

Customer: “Naw, I’m just gonna stand here and tell you how beautiful you are. Of course, you already know that. You’re somebody else’s claim to fame. And that makes me jealous!”

(I couldn’t stop giggling and blushing. He totally made my morning.)

Whipping Up The Fort

, , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

(It is the night before Thanksgiving.)

Manager: *over intercom* “[Bagger #1] to the dairy.”

Bagger #2: “Calling him to fill the dairy? The whipping cream is low. I’ll fill the whipping cream.”

Manager: “Hey, [Bagger #1], can you fill the dairy again? It’s getting low.”

Bagger #2: “I’ll fill the whipping cream!”

Manager: “You really like doing that, huh?”

Bagger #2: “IT’S LIKE BUILDING A LITTLE CASTLE!”

 

When The Bell Rings The Penny Drops

, , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

Coworker: “Out of curiosity, what is the really loud bell in the back room?”

Me: “You mean the doorbell?”

Coworker: “Doorbell? Doorbell! [Coworker #2] is trapped outside!”

Don’t Know What His Baggage Is

, , | Right | September 13, 2017

(I work in a grocery store that exclusively uses paper bags. Most of our competitors use plastic bags. I have just finished packing a customer’s order and wished him a goodnight.)

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “That would be our bag.”

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “This is our bag.”

Customer: “I need a bag.”

Me: “This is our bag.”

Customer: “No plastic bag?”

Me: “No, sir.”

(He then proceeded to unpack his order and took the items loose. I really couldn’t think of a way to say that his groceries were IN a bag.)

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