Don’t Chew The Fat With Me If You Can’t Handle It

| OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’ve recently given birth to a gorgeous baby girl, and while I’ve now returned to my job, I haven’t yet managed to shed the weight I put on during my pregnancy.)

Customer: “D***, you’ve really gotten fat!”

Me: *silently checking out his purchases*

Customer: “I mean, I’ve only been coming here for like a year so that is some incredible weight gain!”

Me: *just shrugs and keeps scanning his purchases*

Customer: “So…what’s the deal? Boyfriend left ya? Job getting to ya? Feeling like the only reason for living is to get to the bottom of your third tub of ice cream?”

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

(The customer doesn’t pull out his wallet just yet.)

Customer: “Well, are you gonna answer me, whale?”

Me: “First off, let me ask this: what is your endgame here?”

Customer: “Huh? My what?”

Me: “Your endgame. What do you hope to accomplish by insulting and belittling me here? Because so far all you’re doing is making yourself look like a complete idiot to everyone around you.”

(The customer turns and notices the rest of the line is staring at him, some in shock and some in quiet disdain.)

Customer: “I… uh… well… so you know you’re a fat-a** and do something about it!”

Me: “I am doing something about it. I put on this weight because I was pregnant. Now I’m hitting the gym at least four times a week so I’ll no doubt lose it again.”

Customer: “Well… uh… I dunno, then! I didn’t think you were going to quiz me about this!”

Me: “Your total is still [price].”

Customer: “No! F*** you, fat b****! Now I feel bad and it’s all your fault!”

(He storms off, leaving me to have to void his entire transaction.)

Me: “I apologize for this. It won’t take me more than a minute.”

Next Customer In Line: “How… How did you keep your cool through that?”

Me: “Ten hours of labor and a baby that made every bit of pain totally worth it. After that, it takes a lot more than a moron’s poorly chosen words to hurt me.”

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Rage Against The Machine, Part 5

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I’m working the self-scans. I had just noticed a pattern of, while I wasn’t looking, someone scanning the same items — two salads — onto a couple different machines and then being gone by the time I looked. Whenever I see a machine with a couple things on the order but neither the customer or their items anywhere, I cancel it to free up the machine. Finally, I spot the customer with the salads fighting with the machine.)

Customer: *shoves coins into the coin acceptor, which spits them back out every time*

Me: *approaches customer* “Ma’am, right now the machine wants to know if you want to purchase any bags.”

Customer: “No.” *frantically slams her finger against the screen in multiple places before she finally hits the NO BAGS option*

Me: “Now you just have to hit the CASH button, and then it’ll read your coins.”

Customer: *slams the cash button violently and starts shoving their coins in*

(I go to help someone else for a bit, but eventually notice the customer is having trouble getting the machine to accept one of her coins. She’s getting more and more violent and slammy as it goes on. I walk over to offer to take her coin at the till.)

Me: “Can I—”

Customer: *she interrupts, yelling right into my face* “NO!”

Me: *takes a careful step back and allows her to continue*

(It took her about five minutes to pay because of this, despite the fact it would have taken only a second had she allowed me to help her. This was the first time I’ve actually been legitimately frightened of a customer. She’s lucky she chose one of the working machines to fight with, though, because there’s one in particular that tends to eat any coins that are dropped into the coin acceptor before it’s told to expect cash. I really don’t want to think about how she might have reacted to that!)

Related:
Rage Against The Machine, Part 4
Rage Against The Machine, Part 3
Rage Against The Machine, Part 2

She’s The Carrier

| UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(In the UK we have implemented a 5p charge on carrier bags; this is to help reduce the number of carrier bags going into landfills. Our store had implemented this well before the other stores. If a customer came in for one item that was easy to carry or put in pocket/handbag, no carrier bag was offered, yet if they had sufficient items, you would offer a carrier bag but explain it would cost them 5p. A very posh looking woman enters the store, walks up the sweets aisle, picks up a small chocolate bar and comes over to my till.)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything you needed today?”

Customer: *said in a posh voice but also very belittling* “Yes, that will be all.”

Me: “Okay, that is [price], please.”

Customer: “Give me a carrier bag.”

Me: “Okay, but carrier bags are 5p now, what with our store’s initiatives to—”

Customer: *cuts me off* “I AM NOT PAYING FOR A CARRIER BAG!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s just company policy—”

Customer: “I WILL NOT PAY FOR A CARRIER BAG! I HAVE ASKED YOU FOR ONE AND I WOULD LIKE A CARRIER BAG SUITABLE FOR MY PURCHASE!”

(A queue has built up now and I am beginning to lose my temper. Suddenly an idea pops in my head.)

Me: “One moment, please.”

(I walk out of my till, and walk over to the fruit and veg section nearby, pick up a small plastic bag that would be used to place small amounts of loose fruit or veg in. I walk back to the till and place the chocolate bar inside the bag and hand it to the customer.)

Me: “There we go. So, that was [price], please.”

Customer: “WHAT IS THAT?”

Me: “Well, it is a carrier bag suitable for the small nature of your product and will not cost you a penny extra on your [price], please.”

(The queue of people are making comments about how silly she has been, asking for a carrier bag for a chocolate bar and refusing to pay for a one.)

Customer: “I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

(The manager is called down, and the story was told from both sides with other customers backing me up as she was accusing me of yelling and swearing. The customer was basically told the same thing that I was trying to say about the carrier bags. She admitted defeat but told my manager she wanted this logged as an official complaint against me. The manager pulled me to one side saying by company policy they are meant to give me a verbal warning but that they found it so funny that no such action would take place.)

Monstrous Pronunciation

, | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

Customer: “And can I have a pound of the monster cheese?”

Me: “Excuse me? What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “The monster cheese. This one.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the muenster.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, but, well, you know, I don’t know how to pronounce that. It’s too hard. Is it ‘manster’? ‘Minster’?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t know how to pronounce it. Is it ‘mo-an-ster’? ‘Moon-ster’?”

Me: “Ma’am, I just told you how to pronounce it. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s too hard to pronounce! Is it ‘mon-aster’? Is it ‘minister’?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Well, however you say it, I want a pound.”

Taking Their Baggage With Them

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I am bagging groceries at a local grocery store and my cashier rings up only about 3-4 items. I put them all in one bag to be eco-friendly.)

Customer: “Oh, honey, that’s too heavy for me. Can you separate those into three separate bags?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I take the lady’s items and put them in three separate bags, taking extra time to distribute the little weight evenly.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

(She proceeded to grab all three bags in one hand and to walk out the door.)

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