A Blessing In Disguise

| ID, USA | Right | May 6, 2016

(I’m stocking bags of cookies, and a customer comes up to me.)

Me: “Hello, how are you doing?”

Customer: “I am so blessed, thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Do you ever think, when you’re doing your job, about how your company profits from the deprivation of children in third-world countries?”

Me: *thinking* “Um… no, but I’m certainly thinking about it now!”

Customer: “I just want to know.”

Me: “Sir… if you object to our business practices you’ll need to take that up with the corporate office.”

Customer: “But it’s a simple question. Yes or no?”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

(When they start with “I’m blessed,” it never ends well.)

CCTV: Crazy Cashier Television

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Working | May 6, 2016

(I am checking out on a slow night at a grocery store. The cashier is away from her checkstand, busy with other duties; she directs me to her register as I approach. As she moves to the checkstand, she starts singing after the music playing in the store, which has just finished a very repetitive chorus.)

Cashier: *singing* “Watchin’ you, watchin’ you, watchin’ you…”

Me: “Oh, are there cameras in here?” *looks up* “I guess there are.”

Cashier: “Yeah, there are.” *blowing a raspberry in the direction of the cameras* “I don’t think they ever watch them, though. Or I wouldn’t be doing that.”

Fussing Over Your Children

| Waterloo, ON, Canada | Related | May 5, 2016

(I’m a notorious picky eater, and my mom is showing me hors d’oeuvres that she bought for the family dinner on Sunday, which my boyfriend is invited to as well.)

Mom: “Look at these hors d’oeuvres I bought!” *holds up a box of spinach wraps*

Me: “Eww…”

Mom: “No! Not eww! They’re spinach and feta cheese!”

Me: “That does not sound appetizing in the least.”

Mom: “I bet [Boyfriend] will like them!”

Me: “Yeah, ‘cause he eats everything.”

Mom: “Exactly!”

Me: “You’re thinking that you got the wrong kid now, aren’t you?”

Mom: “No, I got the right kid…”

Me: “Aww.”

Mom: “I just need to train you better.”

Me: “Right there. That was almost sentimental, and then you took it too far.”

Cancer On Aisle Three

| WV, USA | Friendly | May 5, 2016

(My father and I are buying some cheap groceries as we do not have much money. We grab a pack of ramen noodles as an older woman on a wheel chair goes by.)

Woman: “You know those things cause cancer right? It takes three days to get the cancerous wax out!”

Dad: “Yeah, I’ve heard that before, but they’re very cheap.”

Woman: “Yeah, but they still cause cancer. My granddaughter loves them though! I’m forced to buy her a pack every time I come to the store!”

(At this point I realized she had a pack of noodles in her chair’s basket.)

Dad: “Well, we’ll be off now. Bye!”

Woman: “They cause cancer! Be careful!”

(She then proceeds to put two more packs into her basket….)

Small Talk, Small Behavior

| Madison, WI, USA | Working | May 5, 2016

(I have to stop at the local grocery store to pick up some supplies during a time of great stress for me due to an illness in the family. I am trying to remain composed. The woman who is the cashier appears to be of post-retirement age and comments on everything the two college-age boys in front of me purchased and engaged in lengthy conversation about their events and day.)

Cashier: “Good afternoon, did you find everything today?”

Me: *keeping it short but polite* “Yes, it was fine. Thank you.”

Cashier: “So, what are you doing today?”

Me: “I really don’t want to engage in small talk today, please. Thank you.”

(I specifically recall the phrasing, and saying please and thank you.)

Cashier: “Fine! I was just trying to be nice!” *continuing in mutinous silence until she stops and stares at me*

Me: *looks over and notices the charcoal on the line was not scanned or in the bagging area* “Do you want me to pick that up or do you want to scan it?”

Cashier: *refuses to say anything, just picks the handheld scanner up and waives it at me*

Me: *adjusts the charcoal (it is about six pounds, not too heavy for her to lift)* “Okay, is this all right?”

Cashier: *waves scanner at it while refusing to speak, and then stops and stares*

Me: “Okay, is that the total?” *looking at the credit card machine display to get the number that she refused to tell me* “All right, I will run my card.”

Cashier: *stares at me while I run the card then turns the bag thing around so I can get my stuff*

Me: “Bye, now!”

(Overall, I have never had a more confusing, childish, and less pleasant reaction to simply asking not to have to make small talk.)

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