Never Too Old For A Pissing Contest

| MI, USA | Working | October 24, 2016

(A man who appears to be in his 90s is ahead of me in line at the supermarket. Among his purchases is a bottle of bourbon. The cashier, going on automatic pilot, asks…)

Cashier: “May I see your ID, sir?”

Man: “Son, I’ll be mixing that bourbon with this Ensure, and then pissing it out into these Depends. I assure you I’m old enough to buy it.”

That (Week)Ends His Smug Streak

| WI, USA | Right | October 24, 2016

(I work the weekend shifts as a cashier at my local grocers. This includes me working on Fridays.)

Customer: “Man, I am so glad today’s Friday! Whole two days off after this.”

Me: “It’s a good feeling ain’t it?”

Customer: “What are your plans for the weekend?”

Me: “Earn my wages here. Gotta pay bills somehow.”

Customer: *in a more snarky voice* “D***, that must suck having to work weekends! Glad I don’t have to do it.”

Me: “Well it just means I get different days off to you. For example while you’re heading back to your job on Monday, I’ll be sleeping in, enjoying one such day.”

(The customer’s smugness instantly vanished and he took his merchandise with a very sour expression.)

Low On The Milk Of Human Kindness, Part 2

| IL, USA | Right | October 23, 2016

(I work in my family’s grocery store, which has been in my family since 1956. We’ve had the same hours at least since my parents purchased it in 1993. We close at 7 pm every Monday through Friday night. It is currently 7:05. The doors are locked, and I am cleaning the deli slicer, which is clearly visible from the front doors. An elderly man walks up to the door, looks at the “Closed” sign hanging on the door, and begins incessantly banging on the door. I look at my coworker who is counting money at the counter and agree to answer the door.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but we’re closed.”

Customer: “All I need is a d*** gallon of milk.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’ve already shut down the registers.”

(The customer proceeds to push me back with the door, which opens inward, walks across the front of the store to the milk cooler, and grabs a gallon of milk.)

Coworker: “I can only ring this up if you have cash.”

(Customer throws five dollars down on the counter and stomps out the door, cussing my coworker and I out the entire time.)

Me: “Well, he was nice.”


Type 1 A**-Hole

| | Right | October 20, 2016

(I work as a cashier at a fairly high-end grocery store, meaning that for the most part, the patrons are wealthy, and the food is pretty overpriced. We’re currently raising money to help kids with Type 1 diabetes. This is what happened when I asked a customer for a $1 donation. Keep in mind that his purchase was upwards of $300.)

Me: “Sir, may I ask if you’re interested in donating one dollar to-”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: *assuming he’s hard of hearing, or simply missed what I said* “I’m sorry, I was just asking if you’d be willing to donate one dollar for children with-”

Customer: “Oh, I heard what you said! I just don’t have that kind of money. Not all of us are trust fund babies, hun!”

Me: *finally taking the hint* “All right, sir, your total is $355.55.”

Customer: “Are you trying to make me feel like a selfish pig? Because it sounds like you’re demeaning me right now. I could have you fired for this.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir. I just wanted to let you know that you can swipe your card now.”

Customer: “You do realize that this cart is full of necessities, right? My family would die without these groceries.” *in fact, his cart is full of junk food*

Me: “Of course, sir. Have a great day.”

Customer: “Well, now that you’ve made me feel like a a**hole, I don’t feel like enjoying my day anymore. I can’t believe this.”

Me: “…”

Dutifully Confused

| MN, USA | Right | October 20, 2016

(I work at a grocery store chain near my house. On this particular day I’m off but have stopped in to grab some snack items. While I’m loading my cart up with chips, soda, and other good stuff one of our regular customers comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hey, don’t you work here?”

Me: “I do, but I’m off duty today. I just need some munchies for a party I’m hosting.”

Customer: “You know you really should be helping folk if you work here.”

Me: “Erm… yes, but as I said I’m not working today. Today is my day off.”

Customer: “You work here, and you’re not doing anything right now. Put the cart down and help me find some stuff on my list or I’m reporting you to your manager!”

Me: “Before I do that sir, can I ask you a question?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Where do you work?”

Customer: “Huh? At [Nearby Business Firm].”

Me: “So what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at your job?”

Customer: “What? It’s Saturday! I don’t work today!”

Me: “Well, neither do I.”

(The customer stares at me dumbfounded.)

Customer: “But… but… you’re here! You can’t be here if you aren’t working! That confuses people!”

(It took another ten minutes of explaining that yes, retail workers get days off and are allowed to still make use of their place of business before he finally went off to find one of my coworkers.)

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