Hamster Philosophy

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Working | November 22, 2016

(I’m the employee in this story. I work in the floral department of a large grocery store. It’s closing time and the end of my shift, so I’m a little slap-happy. There’s a group of three customers browsing my department and one of them picks out some flowers and brings them to me to wrap. While I’m helping her, her friends are goofing around with various stuff around the department and generally being silly and trying to get a reaction out of her while she rolls her eyes and ignores them. One of them comes over with a tiny plush hamster and shoves it in her face.)

Friend #1: *in a squeaky voice* “Hi! How are you? What’s going on?”

Customer: “I don’t know these people.”

Friend #2: “Hey, do you have any tape so I can tape this balloon to my chest?”

Me: “You have to buy it if you want to wear it.”

Friend #1: *still messing with the hamster* “Hiii!”

(He gives up and sets it down on the counter. I finish wrapping the flowers and pick up the hamster.)

Me: *in the same squeaky voice* “Life is meaningless!”

(All three customers stare at me like I’ve grown a second head and then burst out laughing.)

Customer: “Oh, my god! You have to come with us. We’re going to get cocktails after this. You have to come. You’re getting off right now, right?”

Me: “I am, but I have to go home. I open tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just for a beer! Come on, giiiirl!”

(I laugh and refuse again, and they thank me for helping them and don’t press the matter, but thank you, awesome customers, for laughing at my weirdness instead of complaining to a manager!)

Pumpkins: The Hate Is Real

| NJ, USA | Working | November 22, 2016

(I work at a courtesy desk for a grocery store. It’s the day before Halloween and we ran out of pumpkins. We got calls and questions all day asking if we had pumpkins for sale. After work, I decide to call the courtesy desk to mess with my coworker.)

Coworker: *picks up phone* “[Location] [Store]. [Coworker] speaking.”

Me: “Yes, do you guys sell pumpkins?”

Coworker:” No, we don’t sell them, [My Name].”

Me: “But [Competing Store] sells pumpkins.”

Coworker: “Then why don’t you buy them and bring them here so we can sell them?”

Me: “But why don’t you guys have them?”

Coworker: “Because we hate our customers. Have a nice day.” *hangs up*

About To Get Some Baggage

| TN, USA | Related | November 18, 2016

(My brother and I, as siblings tend to, are at each-other’s throats a lot. It should also be noted that he is very sweet to girls — except for me. When we were preteens, my family went shopping, and we were at the check-out getting ready to leave. Now, the bagger was a short woman who had the same hair color as me, and similar glasses. I was bored so I took my mother’s phone and went to go play on it while waiting at the doors.)

Brother: *not paying attention, and says to Bagger* “You know you’re doing it wrong, right? The soda is supposed to go on the bottom.”

Bagger: *puts soda on bottom*

Brother: “You gotta put the bread in the baby seat, idiot.”

Bagger: *puts bread in baby seat*

Brother: “OH, MY GOD! Can’t you do anything right? You should be locked up, you’re so stupid!”

Bagger: *looks up, trying to see if there’s anything else to bag*

Brother: *goes pale* “Wait, you’re not [My Name]!”

Mother: *realizes what’s going on, and starts laughing at my brother*

Brother: “OH, MY GOD! I’m so sorry! I thought you were my sister!”

Me: *still playing game by the door*

(After that my brother refused to go shopping with us, and every time the rest of us went, we would ask him if he wanted to go see his “girlfriend at the store.”)

A Barrier To Business

| SD, USA | Right | November 17, 2016

(While working after hours in the bakery, I notice a thoughtful-looking customer looking at the bakery’s front counter. It’s also the first time I have to assist a customer here.)

Me: *approaching* “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: *indicating an item on our counter shelf* “Yes, I’d like these carrot cupcakes, please.”

Me: *simply grabbing them* “These? Just the one box?”

Customer: “Oh, I thought there was a glass barrier here! Well, thank you anyway…”

Doesn’t Want Any Maca-phoney

| Edwardsville, IL, USA | Right | November 10, 2016

(One evening an elderly man comes up to the service desk asking where to find a packet of dried cheese. He insists the cheese is for popcorn and that he knows his wife, who is away visiting family for a few weeks, has purchased it at our store. After a search, I suggest that the next time he is in he could bring the old packet with him and maybe then we can help him find it. He leaves immediately and returns 15 minutes later and comes right up to the service desk.)

Customer: “Had to get it out of the trash, but I found it!” *he holds up a crumpled packet of cheese sauce mix from a box of macaroni and cheese, which as a student I was very familiar with*

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, I’m pretty sure that’s from a macaroni and cheese dinner package.”

Customer: “Well, if it is, that’s what I want. They discontinued the popcorn cheese I liked and I didn’t like any of the others until she found this one. I’ll go get a box and see.”

(He leaves to do his shopping and I don’t see him again until he stops by the service desk on his way out. He smiles as he holds up a new packet of cheese sauce mix.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help! I’ll have to ask her what she does with the macaroni part.”

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