One More Thing That She Needs

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bizarre

(I’m on an express checkout when a woman unloads her groceries onto my belt. We exchange friendly greetings.)

Me: “Did you find everything you needed okay?”

Customer: “Does it look like I did?”

Me: “…I guess?”

Customer: “Do they ask you to ask that?”

Me: “Yes, but I legitimately ask that question to make sure.”

Customer: “I hate it when people ask you that at the register. It’s all right there, and if I didn’t, I’d go back and get it!”

Me: “Well, that makes sense.”

Customer: “See, I’m a one woman army to get cashiers to stop asking that question!”

Political Correctness Takes A Holiday

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion, Top

(I am the third customer in line. There’s a woman at the register, then a man dressed in a way that clearly indicates he is a Christian minister. It’s two days before Thanksgiving.)

Cashier: “Thank you and I hope you have a great holiday.”

Customer: “A great holiday? What the f***! It’s Merry CHRISTMAS. I am so tired of this PC bull-s***, you stupid little—”

Minister: “Maybe she was talking about Thanksgiving.”

(The customer turns around snarling.)

Customer: “Shut the fu… uu…”

(She trails off when she notices his outfit. She blushes furiously, gathers her bags, and rushes out. The minister steps up.)

Minister: “Which candy bar is better, the plain chocolate or the almond?”

Cashier: “The almond is good!”

(The minister adds that to his purchases. After he pays, he hands the cashier the candy bar.)

Minister: “I hope you have a fantastic holiday.”


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Organic Grocery Has A High Price

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid

(I was a senior manager in a small organic grocery store in a college town. I am on my way from my office to the stockroom when I see a young woman staring blankly into our dairy cooler.)

Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Oh! Yes! I’m looking for ganja.”

Me: “…I’m sorry, you’re looking for what?”

Customer: “Ganja. Do you have any?”

Me: “Umm, could you possibly mean kombucha?” *a fermented drink kept in that section of the cooler?*

Customer: “Is it spelled G-A-N-J-A?”

Me: *convinced there must be some sort of misunderstanding here* “No. No, it is not. How about this, can you tell me what type of product it is? I mean is it a food, or a juice?”

Customer: “I really don’t know. You see, I sent my friend an email and got one of those automated reply thing that said he was ‘kicking back and consuming vast quantities of ganja’ while he is on vacation in Colorado. He seems to think its really good stuff, and he’s REALLY granola, so I figured he probably gets it here. I think maybe it’s a juice or something.”

Me: “Ma’am, ganja is a slang term for marijuana.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, and do you guys sell that here?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can assure you we do not.”

Calling At All Stations To The 19th Century

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

(I’m working in the deli section of my store part-time and studying computer science at a local university. Tomorrow I have an exam and it’s making it hard to concentrate at work, as the elderly woman I’m serving notices.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man. I said I wanted the smoked ham, not the honey ham.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’m just a little distracted. Smoked ham coming right up.”

Customer: “You really should pay closer attention to your work.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I just have an exam tomorrow and it’s a little hard to concentrate.”

Customer: “You look a little old to still be in high school.”

Me: “I’m not in high school. I’m studying computer science at [University].”

Customer: “[University]? Oh, no, no, no. That won’t do at all.”

Me: *stopping slicing* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, honey, you need to leave that university right away. You’re not smart enough to go to college.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “If you were, you wouldn’t be working here. Besides, God ordained you to be part of the servant class. The purpose of your life is to serve the good people, like me.”

(My jaw is hanging open.)

Customer: “You need to invest yourself totally in your work here. This is what people like you were meant for. You should never try to rise above your station. You’ll make God very angry.”

Me: “…well. I’m just going to step away from my ‘station’ for a moment. [Coworker], could you give me a hand here? I really need to step out.”

(I walked into the cooler, closed the door all the way, and didn’t come back until the customer had gone and I had calmed down.)

Mismanaged The New Management

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

(Our small store, previously belonging to a large chain, has been bought out by a smaller chain. Most customers are aware of it and acknowledge the changes.)

Me: “And your total is [total]. Will that be everything today?”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to take my loyalty card?”

Me: “Sorry, but as we’re no longer owned by [Previous Chain] and [New Chain] doesn’t have cards, we’re not accepting any of them.”

Customer: “Well, I NEVER! What AWFUL customer service this is. How on EARTH is anyone supposed to know that this store changed owners?”

Me: “You walked in the front doors under a banner proclaiming the new name, with a cart labelled with the new name, buying brand products of the new chain while passing by dozens of posters explaining the changes, and are now standing in front of me, while I’m wearing the new store uniform, holding a flyer with the new store name.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know?!”

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