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Expressing About The Express Lane, Part 2

| NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

(I am working at the customer service desk, which has a five-item limit so that customers who actually need help at the desk don’t have to wait forever behind people who are just buying groceries. Despite the neon pink signs stating the limit people will come through with way more than five, but will usually apologize and say they didn’t see the sign. However…)

Me: *in the middle of ringing through 10-15 items* “Just to let you know for next time sir, this desk is for one to five items only.”

Customer: *in casual, uncaring tone* “Yeah, I know. I read the sign.”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
Expressing About The Express Lane

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Get Back On Time Or You’re In For A Grilling

| TX, USA | Bizarre

(Our store closes at midnight. It’s 11:45 pm and a gentleman with a bit of a slur walks up asking to buy one of our grills. The grills we sell are locked up outside and cost $99. I ring one up for him which comes to about $108.)

Customer: *slaps down $55* “Is that enough?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Let me call someone to bring some money.”

Me: “Well, sir, we do close at midnight. I hope they can get here before then.”

(He hangs up his phone and appears a bit frantic. He begins to pat himself down looking for more money. He then lays a large pocket knife on my conveyor belt.)

Customer: “Listen, this knife is from [Another Store] and is worth $100. Call them; they can vouch for it. I’ll sell it to you for $10… $15, what do you say?”

Me: *shocked* “Um, no, sir, I cannot do that.”

Customer: “All right, dang, let me go home and get some more money. I’ll be back.”

Me: “It is 11:51 pm. You have nine minutes.”

(As my crew and I are cleaning up after midnight, there’s a phone call. Sure enough…)

Customer: “Hi, can I please speak to the man that was helping me with a grill earlier?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; he’s gone for the evening.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll be back in there tomorrow for the grill.”

(Who needs a grill at 11:45 at night, anyway?!)

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D’oh!

| FL, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work in a popular chain grocery store bakery as a clerk. One of our items is pre-rolled out pizza dough that is kept in a small cooler that’s in a wall next to the bread and rolls. I usually get questions on how to prep the pizza. This time was a little different…)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “This is pre-rolled out dough?”

Me: “Yup and it comes out to be about this size.” *I gesture with my hands the approximate shape*

Customer: “Oh good! It will be big enough to make cookies with my kids!”

Me: “Um. Ma’am. This is PIZZA dough. You can make PIZZAS with it with your kids.”

Customer: “I can’t make cookies with this?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “But this is dough.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It has yeast in it which makes it dough.”

Customer: “What if I add a lot of sugar; will it be good for cookies then?”

Me: “No. If you want that kind of dough you will have to get it from the dairy section.”

Customer: *clearly still doesn’t believe me* “What if it’s A LOT of sugar?”

Me: “It will still be pizza dough.”

Customer: *in a tone that says that she still doesn’t believe me* “Well, okay then. If you’re sure.” *puts the dough back*

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Fan-Assisted Fear

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work in a deli in a grocery store. In the bakery department the ovens beep when the timer goes off, much like an oven at home.)

Oven: *beep* *beep* *beep*

(Suddenly there is a loud drawn out scream. The entire section of the store is looking around to see what happened.)

Customer: *at bakery counter* “That beep scared me!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir. They beep when the timer goes off.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t have things that scare people! You need to turn them off!”

Clerk: “There’s no way to turn the beep off, sir. We need it to know when the oven is done.”

Clerk: “There are things that scare black people and things that scare white people and that scared me!”

(The clerk is black and the customer is white.)

Clerk: “Sir, I’m sorry but we aren’t afraid of ovens…”

(The customer storms off muttering to himself.)

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Conversational Weirdness Is Spiraling Upward

| NY, USA | Bizarre

(A customer is being served by a coworker at the deli at the grocery store where I work. My customer notices their transaction.)

Customer: “What was that ham that you sliced the other customer?”

Me: “That was the spiral ham.”

Customer: “Oooh, I usually associate the word “spiral” with a staircase… Can you imagine if you were sliding down a staircase banister and suddenly it turned into a straight razor?”

Me & Coworker: *exchange shocked looks*

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