Go Checkout Your Own Christmas Spirit

| MO, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It is Christmas Eve and I am waiting in line to check out with some items already on the belt. A woman with a basket come up to pass me.)

Woman: “Excuse me, I need to get through.”

(Thinking she is joining the man in front of me, I move aside for her. She instead starts making her own space by shoving my items back on the belt to place her items.)

Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Woman: “Well, I have less items than you and I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “Um, so go use a U-scan or please wait like everyone else!”

Woman: “Well! So much for the Christmas Spirit, a**-hole!”

The Weather Outside Is Frightful, But The Customer Is Delightful

| Southfield, MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a new courtesy clerk at a local large chain grocery store. I have lost my hat and gloves, but I have to do cart retrieval one way or the other. It’s not so bad, so I don’t mind. A total stranger stops me in the parking lot as I’m collecting carts.)

Customer: “Where’s your hat and gloves?”

Me: “I don’t have any.”

Customer: “What? It’s freezing! You should have hats and gloves! Let me buy you some!”

Me: “No! That’s all right! I don’t mind!”

(Customer walks away. Ten minutes later as I’m pulling carts in, I turn around and find myself face to face with the same customer. He pushes a matching set of expensive fleece hat and gloves into my hands.)

Customer: “Merry Christmas!”

Me: “Th- thank you!”

(I’ve been wearing the gloves and hat since, and I refuse to lose these!)

Consoling At Christmas

, | UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work in the call centre for a national supermarket. It’s six pm on Christmas Eve. It’s beyond busy. A customer calls to say that he collected his order from store, only he just noticed that the games console package is missing its games.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir. Give me a moment; I’ll call the store to see if it’s been left behind.”

(I put the customer on hold and speak to a female staff member on the front desk.)

Me: “Hi there, a customer’s missing part of his order. Could you go check it for me, please?”

Store Colleague: “Sure! Be right back.”

(I wait and try to get this increasingly irate customer to calm down.)

Store Colleague: “I can’t find it out back. It’s being shipped separately. What can I do to help this customer?”

(I’m stunned. This is the first helpful person I’ve spoken to all day.)

Me: “Uh, could you go get them off the shelf, if you’ve got any left? And then replace it with the shipped one when it gets there?”

Store Colleague: “Sure! Oh, bother, there’s only one of the two. Never mind, just tell him to ask for [Store Colleague] and I’ll get it fixed.”

Me: “Thanks!” *to customer* “Hello, sir, sorry about the wait. It looks like it’s being sent separately, so we’ve managed to pull one game off the shelf for you. I know it’s not much…”

Customer: “Are you kidding?! You’ve just saved my a**! If the wife found out I left it this late to get the presents, she’d kill me! Thank you so much!”

(Some months later, I happen to be in the store in question whilst on holiday. I notice the name badge on the girl at the desk and remember her. I thanked her and bought her some flowers. Even though we work for the same company, she was the only member of store staff that Christmas Eve who actually helped me out, and restored my faith in humanity.)

We Wish Jew A Merry Christmas

| CT, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s Christmas Eve and the store is open until midnight but closed the next day. I’m bagging groceries for a middle aged woman.)

Customer: “You poor boy. I feel so bad for you that you have to work on Christmas!”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay. I’m more of a Hanukkah kind of guy myself.”

Customer: *gasps* “You mean you’re a Jew?! Oh, dear. Well, then I hope you have fun burning in Hell.”

(She then spits at me, landing a shot on my tie. Everyone is frozen in horror and completely speechless.)

Cashier: “What the h*** is wrong with you, lady?!”

(The manager hears the cashier yell and walks over.)

Manager: “What’s going on here??”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’d let this moneychanger cheapen our Lord and Savior by flaunting himself in public and earning money on the day we mourn Christ’s crucifixion by HIS godforsaken people!”

Manager: “Ma’am, this young man volunteered to work a double shift tonight so that our other employees could be at home with their families for Christmas. So did many of our Jewish employees. Furthermore, nothing can excuse your behavior so I have to ask that you leave the store immediately.”

Customer: “I most certainly WILL NOT. I have a right to be here as an American and a Christian.”

Manager: “Neither of those things have anything to do with you being ejected from a private establishment. You have only yourself and your rude and disgusting behavior to blame for that. Come along now.”

Customer: *shrugs off his hand and steps back* “That’s just despicable! They’re abominations and should be wiped off the earth!”

Customer #2: *from behind her* “Well that’s the most UN-Christian thing I’ve ever heard.”

Customer: “Who asked your opinion?!”

(She turns around to see the speaker is the pastor from the local church, who has been standing in line at the next register. She gasps and puts her hand over her mouth.)

Pastor: “No one, [Customer], but you’ve asked for my advice on so many other occasions. So I’d advise you now to apologize to this young man who is toiling especially hard today for the benefit of your fellow congregants, and who has shown remarkable restraint and tolerance, and then I advise you to leave as they’ve asked. I also expect to see you at services tomorrow in the very front row, because you obviously haven’t heard the Lord’s teachings very well.”

Me: “Here are your groceries, ma’am, and also: I’m pretty sure you mourn the crucifixion on EASTER and celebrate the NATIVITY on Christmas. Have a nice day.”

Teaching Them About The Honey And The Bees

| Aurora, CO, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I’m working as a cashier at a local health food store when I notice a gentleman standing in the honey section and staring at all of the jars looking really distraught. Eventually he comes to me for assistance.)

Me: “Hi! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Do you have any bee honey?”

Me: “Yes, of course. It’s right over here”

Customer: “No, I looked there already. All you have is clover honey.”

Me: “Sir, clover honey just means that the bees used mainly clover plants to make the honey.”

Customer: “No! My girlfriend told me to pick up some bee honey! I need honey made by bees not by clover!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you, all honey comes from bees. Clover honey means that the bees used nectar from clover plants. Wildflower honey means the bees used nectar from wildflowers. Both honeys come from bees, just the taste is a little different.”

Customer: *stares blankly then narrows his eyes at me* “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I assure you; it all comes from bees.”

Customer: “…I don’t believe you.”

Me: “I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you. If you buy some and it’s not what your girlfriend wants, you can return it.”

Customer: “…Okay. I’ll buy it. But I still don’t think it’s from bees.”

(He didn’t return it, so I guess he was happy with it!)