A Library’s Worth Of Mistakes

| | Right | October 13, 2016

(I’m the dumb one in this story. It’s the early morning, and I’ve stopped at the grocery store a few blocks from home to pick up what will become my lunch for the day. It doesn’t take long to get what I want, and I’ve managed to beat the breakfast rush, so there’s hardly any line.)

Cashier: “Hello, how are you this morning?”

Me: “Not remotely a morning person.” *light chuckle*

(I open my wallet and pull out a card to pay the man, but the card reader gives me an error message that makes me look down… embarrassed, I show the cashier the card I’ve pulled out.)

Me: “Case in point… I’ve just tried to pay for lunch with my library card.”

Cashier: *gives me a kind smile* “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

(I manage to laugh it off, pay for my food with the proper card, and walk out to face the day. Skip forward to early evening. I’m at the same store picking up dinner on my way home… and once AGAIN, I attempt to pay with my library card, in spite of the fact that it looks nothing like my debit card. At this point, there are no excuses, so I decide to own up to it.)

Me: *loudly enough for people to hear* “Ladies, gentlemen, and assorted others, may I have your attention, please… I’d like to take this moment to announce that I. Am. An idiot. …That is all. Thank you for your time.”

(A couple of people stared as I walked out. I let them.)

Very Sharp Humor

| | Right | October 12, 2016

(I’m the cashier. In the middle of scanning and bagging various items for a guest, she asks if I have scissors to remove a tag. I look at her, and just let my eyes glaze over, and drop my voice a bit.)

Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t let me play with sharp pointy objects anymore.”

(The customer actually stepped back a bit, and I smile.)

Me: “No, really. We can’t have blades or sharp things on the checkout lane; you’ll have to go to customer services to get them to cut off your tags.”

(I did that line several more times over the years and the hardest part was keeping a straight face. Freaked people out every time I could pull it off!)

Much A-Gluten About Nothing, Part 2

| OK, USA | Working | October 8, 2016

(I do all of my shopping at this store. While I’ve never worked here or even at a grocery in general, I know pretty much where everything it. Tonight I’m in the Asian food section, with a worker next to me looking bewildered at packet of instant rice noodles.)

Me: “Having trouble?”

Worker #1: “Oh! Eh, heh… yeah. I’m stocking, but I don’t know where this goes…”

(To be fair, the brand has most of its items in this aisle.)

Me: “Oh, well, I’m pretty sure those are actually in the gluten-free section, near the bread. It’s a little weird, since they’re an Asian food, but they are gluten free, too.”

Worker #1: “Really? You think?”

(At this point another worker walks by.)

Worker #1: “Hey, [Worker #2]! Where does this go?”

Worker #2: “It should go right there!”

(She comes over to look and is immediately confused by the absence of this product in this aisle.)

Worker #2: “Huh… but there’s a ton of stuff from this brand here.”

Me: “Like I said, I’m pretty sure it’s in with the gluten free stuff. But good luck!”

(At this point I move on in my shopping, but on my way out of the store, Worker #1 spots me again.)

Worker #1: “Hey! It was in the gluten free stuff! You were RIGHT!”


Some Customers Come With Baggage

| Salem, OR, USA | Right | October 8, 2016

(Like many of the natural alternative grocery stores, we are bag-less. There are at least two huge signs on the door when you enter, and a sign at each register, and even signs on the box bins we have for those who forget their bags.)

Me: “That will be $9.95 today.”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to bag them? I want plastic.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir; we are a bag-less store. We have reusable bags for sale ranging from .99 to $6 dollars.”

Customer: “I don’t want to buy a d*** bag. I want you to give me a plastic bag.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have plastic bags.” *I point to the box bin* “We do have boxes for those who forgot their bags.”


(He then tried to carry all his items out in his hands, dropped several of them, and just gave up and dropped them all on the floor, breaking some, and then left…)

Flower Power

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | October 7, 2016

(I am at home in bed, having had a rough week that included my grandmother passing away, as well as her wake and funeral. To make things easier on me, my boyfriend wakes up early to do our grocery shopping. He grabs a bouquet of my favorite flowers to cheer me up.)

Teenage Cashier: *laughing* “Uh oh! Looks like someone’s in trouble! What’d you do?”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s nothing like that.”

Teenage Cashier: “Aw, come on, man! It can’t be that bad!”

Boyfriend: “Actually, my girlfriend’s grandmother passed away. She had a hard weekend so I wanted to cheer her up.”

Teenage Cashier: *speechless* “I… Uh. I am so… Oh, my god.”

(The cashier turns around and calls a manager over.)

Teenage Cashier: *whispering to manager* “I need you to take these flowers off. We need to comp them.”

Manager: “But—”

Boyfriend: “It’s really okay…”

Teenage Cashier: “We just need to.”

(The manager takes the flowers off my boyfriend’s bill and leaves. The young cashier finishes the rest of the transaction solemnly.)

Teenage Cashier: “Really, I am SO sorry.”

Boyfriend: “Thank you, but no apology necessary. It’s really fine.”

(He told me all about it when he got home, and I got a good laugh about it. I think the worst part is, now the cashier will be too scared to ever tell that joke again!)

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