Small Talk, Small Behavior

| Madison, WI, USA | Working | May 5, 2016

(I have to stop at the local grocery store to pick up some supplies during a time of great stress for me due to an illness in the family. I am trying to remain composed. The woman who is the cashier appears to be of post-retirement age and comments on everything the two college-age boys in front of me purchased and engaged in lengthy conversation about their events and day.)

Cashier: “Good afternoon, did you find everything today?”

Me: *keeping it short but polite* “Yes, it was fine. Thank you.”

Cashier: “So, what are you doing today?”

Me: “I really don’t want to engage in small talk today, please. Thank you.”

(I specifically recall the phrasing, and saying please and thank you.)

Cashier: “Fine! I was just trying to be nice!” *continuing in mutinous silence until she stops and stares at me*

Me: *looks over and notices the charcoal on the line was not scanned or in the bagging area* “Do you want me to pick that up or do you want to scan it?”

Cashier: *refuses to say anything, just picks the handheld scanner up and waives it at me*

Me: *adjusts the charcoal (it is about six pounds, not too heavy for her to lift)* “Okay, is this all right?”

Cashier: *waves scanner at it while refusing to speak, and then stops and stares*

Me: “Okay, is that the total?” *looking at the credit card machine display to get the number that she refused to tell me* “All right, I will run my card.”

Cashier: *stares at me while I run the card then turns the bag thing around so I can get my stuff*

Me: “Bye, now!”

(Overall, I have never had a more confusing, childish, and less pleasant reaction to simply asking not to have to make small talk.)

Cancer On Aisle Three

| WV, USA | Friendly | May 5, 2016

(My father and I are buying some cheap groceries as we do not have much money. We grab a pack of ramen noodles as an older woman on a wheel chair goes by.)

Woman: “You know those things cause cancer right? It takes three days to get the cancerous wax out!”

Dad: “Yeah, I’ve heard that before, but they’re very cheap.”

Woman: “Yeah, but they still cause cancer. My granddaughter loves them though! I’m forced to buy her a pack every time I come to the store!”

(At this point I realized she had a pack of noodles in her chair’s basket.)

Dad: “Well, we’ll be off now. Bye!”

Woman: “They cause cancer! Be careful!”

(She then proceeds to put two more packs into her basket….)

Calling For Police (Distr)Action

| Canada | Working | May 3, 2016

(I realize about 12:30 am that I am out of some essential items so I head off to the nearest 24-hour supermarket. As I pull in I notice two police cars parked out front, and a third one pulling in. They don’t appear to be in urgent mode so I go in. As I pass the bakery section I see that they have a guy pinned to the wall and cuffed. The situation seems to be under control so I do my shopping, and get in an unusually long line for the time of night. As I get to the one lone cashier:)

Cashier: “I apologise for the long wait.”

(I assume it is due to other staff having to leave their stations to deal with the situation.)

Me: “Yeah, must have been something, with all those police showing up!”

Cashier: *looks at me, confused* “What police?”

(She had a clear line of sight down to the bakery waiting area, so I have no idea how in our sleepy city, she missed probably the biggest action of the day in a nearly empty store. I don’t hold out much hope for her survival in a zombie apocalypse.)

Isn’t Too Chicken To Eat Off The Floor

| UT, USA | Related | May 2, 2016

(I’m grocery shopping with my two-year-old son. I’ve just recently started letting him walk next to me, rather than making him ride in the cart every time we shop. I look down and see that he’s chewing on something, and has a beige lump of something in his hand.)

Me: “[Son], what are you eating?”

Son: *nonchalantly* “Just chicken, Mom.”

Me: *taking it from him* “Where did you get it?”

Son: “The floor.”

Me: “Gross. You can’t eat stuff off the floor, buddy.”

Son: *spits bite out on the floor*

Me: “Um. Thanks. I didn’t know you still had some in your mouth. Now I gotta find a trash can.”

That’s The Way The Cookie Gloriously Crumbles

| Norfolk, England, UK | Friendly | May 1, 2016

(My friend and I are picking up some snacks to eat whilst we’re around each other’s house. We are both on diets.)

Me: “Oooh, [Brand] cookies are on sale, two packs for £2! That’s a pack each!”

Friend: “We can’t eat a pack each of cookies!” *pauses* “Okay, we CAN eat a pack each, but we shouldn’t.”

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