Dutifully Confused

| MN, USA | Right | October 20, 2016

(I work at a grocery store chain near my house. On this particular day I’m off but have stopped in to grab some snack items. While I’m loading my cart up with chips, soda, and other good stuff one of our regular customers comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hey, don’t you work here?”

Me: “I do, but I’m off duty today. I just need some munchies for a party I’m hosting.”

Customer: “You know you really should be helping folk if you work here.”

Me: “Erm… yes, but as I said I’m not working today. Today is my day off.”

Customer: “You work here, and you’re not doing anything right now. Put the cart down and help me find some stuff on my list or I’m reporting you to your manager!”

Me: “Before I do that sir, can I ask you a question?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Where do you work?”

Customer: “Huh? At [Nearby Business Firm].”

Me: “So what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at your job?”

Customer: “What? It’s Saturday! I don’t work today!”

Me: “Well, neither do I.”

(The customer stares at me dumbfounded.)

Customer: “But… but… you’re here! You can’t be here if you aren’t working! That confuses people!”

(It took another ten minutes of explaining that yes, retail workers get days off and are allowed to still make use of their place of business before he finally went off to find one of my coworkers.)

As Daft A Brush

| UK | Right | October 20, 2016

(A lady of around 60 approaches the checkout, brandishing a pack of two toothbrushes.)

Customer: “There are two brushes in here!”

Me: “Ah, yes. It’s a manufacturer’s promotion. You get a second brush free.”

Customer: “But it’s in the packet.”

Me: “Well, because the promotion is by the manufacturer rather than by us, they put the free brush right there in the packet with the other one.”

Customer: “I only want one.”

Me: “The second one’s free…”

Customer: “I only want one toothbrush. I don’t need a second.”

Me: “Well… you could just save the second one until you need it. Save yourself another trip down here next time.”

Customer: “I want ONE.”

Me: “Do you have family? Give the free brush to someone! It’s free!”

Customer: “I want a packet with ONE brush in it. You must have some in the back.”

Me: “Sorry, only these ones at the moment–”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I just want to buy a toothbrush!”

Me: “If you buy this, you can take the second brush out… and throw it away!”

(Customer paused for a moment.)

Me: “You don’t even have to leave the shop. Once you’ve paid, you can open it right here and I’ll dispose of the second brush for you.”

(She insisted on speaking to the manager for a while but went with my plan in the end. She paid the asking price, opened the packet, took one brush home and gave the free one to the manager to throw away.)

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 7

| MD, USA | Friendly | October 19, 2016

(My local grocery store has an app that you can download to get extra coupons on the things you buy most, but you have to use it and load them to your phone or they don’t work. My husband and I stop in front of the frozen food section.)

Husband: “Do we want pizza tonight?”

Me: “Sure. I think I have a coupon for one brand… Let me check.”

(I pull out my phone to launch the store app. As soon as I do, a man at the end of the aisle *runs* up to me, pulling out his own phone.)

Man: “Is there a Pokémon? What is it?”

Me: “I was just checking my phone…”

Man: “Well, don’t trick people like that!”


Making People Leg It Away

| CA, USA | Friendly | October 19, 2016

(After 14 months in a skilled nursing facility due to a shattered foot that required amputation, and a very serious lower-back surgery, I have been sprung free. I have spent most of that time learning how to walk, using my new prosthetic leg. While I am in a wheelchair, I can stand for short periods, though I am still weak, and a bit unsteady. My friend is driving me HOME (finally!), and we stop at the local grocery for a few items. I am pushing myself along fairly well in the chair, and enjoying my new-found freedom, although I am quickly discovering that even a 6’5″, 240 pound man is ‘invisible’ to regular folk: when seated in a wheelchair there are several instances of people ignoring me, reaching over me, or most hilariously, running into me or my chair. We reach the dairy case, and I decide to stand up to grab some packages of my favorite yogurt. As I do I hear a female voice say, in a very snide tone:)

Woman: “Well, if it isn’t a f****** miracle in the dairy aisle; the faker actually CAN stand up!”

(I look over my shoulder at a very well-groomed, expensively-dressed woman smirking at me, with a raised eyebrow. Setting my basket on the floor, I reach up, undo my loose pajama pants, and unfasten my leg. Taking it off, I point the empty socket at her face, and say, in a loud voice:)


(She turned eighteen shades of pale, abandoned her shopping cart, and fled the store completely. Several years on, and I see her occasionally in the store. I always make it a point to catch her eye, and then finger-wave at her with the back of my hand on the point of my chin. Funny thing, she doesn’t seem to want to say hello, as she always runs off…)

Don’t Want To Know What’s Going On At THAT Farm

| NJ, USA | Right | October 19, 2016

(I’m working at the deli in a grocery store.)

Customer: “Can I get half a pound of ham?”

Me: “Sure, what kind of ham would you like?”

Customer: “Turkey.”

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