Expressly Apologetic

| NJ, USA | Right | May 10, 2016

(While shopping, I pick up just a few things on the way home. I make my way to the registers and see a lone “six items or less” line open. I then almost skid to a stop when I see someone with a mostly full cart skid to a stop. Just as I’m about to turn around and head to another lane, she looks up.)

Woman: “Oh, s***!”

Cashier: “Are you all right!?”

Woman: “No, I didn’t even see this was an express lane! Oh, shoot, I’m so sorry. Here, go, go!”

(She then proceeded to wave me and the next two people who came up ahead of her; the cashier said he’d take her still since she was letting others through, and I guess she figured that still would have been quicker than re-loading all her stuff on the cart. Or maybe it was a self-imposed penance, but whatever the case, thank you to the lady that can admit your mistakes!)

CCTV: Crazy Cashier Television

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Working | May 6, 2016

(I am checking out on a slow night at a grocery store. The cashier is away from her checkstand, busy with other duties; she directs me to her register as I approach. As she moves to the checkstand, she starts singing after the music playing in the store, which has just finished a very repetitive chorus.)

Cashier: *singing* “Watchin’ you, watchin’ you, watchin’ you…”

Me: “Oh, are there cameras in here?” *looks up* “I guess there are.”

Cashier: “Yeah, there are.” *blowing a raspberry in the direction of the cameras* “I don’t think they ever watch them, though. Or I wouldn’t be doing that.”

A Blessing In Disguise

| ID, USA | Right | May 6, 2016

(I’m stocking bags of cookies, and a customer comes up to me.)

Me: “Hello, how are you doing?”

Customer: “I am so blessed, thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Do you ever think, when you’re doing your job, about how your company profits from the deprivation of children in third-world countries?”

Me: *thinking* “Um… no, but I’m certainly thinking about it now!”

Customer: “I just want to know.”

Me: “Sir… if you object to our business practices you’ll need to take that up with the corporate office.”

Customer: “But it’s a simple question. Yes or no?”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

(When they start with “I’m blessed,” it never ends well.)

Fussing Over Your Children

| Waterloo, ON, Canada | Related | May 5, 2016

(I’m a notorious picky eater, and my mom is showing me hors d’oeuvres that she bought for the family dinner on Sunday, which my boyfriend is invited to as well.)

Mom: “Look at these hors d’oeuvres I bought!” *holds up a box of spinach wraps*

Me: “Eww…”

Mom: “No! Not eww! They’re spinach and feta cheese!”

Me: “That does not sound appetizing in the least.”

Mom: “I bet [Boyfriend] will like them!”

Me: “Yeah, ‘cause he eats everything.”

Mom: “Exactly!”

Me: “You’re thinking that you got the wrong kid now, aren’t you?”

Mom: “No, I got the right kid…”

Me: “Aww.”

Mom: “I just need to train you better.”

Me: “Right there. That was almost sentimental, and then you took it too far.”

Small Talk, Small Behavior

| Madison, WI, USA | Working | May 5, 2016

(I have to stop at the local grocery store to pick up some supplies during a time of great stress for me due to an illness in the family. I am trying to remain composed. The woman who is the cashier appears to be of post-retirement age and comments on everything the two college-age boys in front of me purchased and engaged in lengthy conversation about their events and day.)

Cashier: “Good afternoon, did you find everything today?”

Me: *keeping it short but polite* “Yes, it was fine. Thank you.”

Cashier: “So, what are you doing today?”

Me: “I really don’t want to engage in small talk today, please. Thank you.”

(I specifically recall the phrasing, and saying please and thank you.)

Cashier: “Fine! I was just trying to be nice!” *continuing in mutinous silence until she stops and stares at me*

Me: *looks over and notices the charcoal on the line was not scanned or in the bagging area* “Do you want me to pick that up or do you want to scan it?”

Cashier: *refuses to say anything, just picks the handheld scanner up and waives it at me*

Me: *adjusts the charcoal (it is about six pounds, not too heavy for her to lift)* “Okay, is this all right?”

Cashier: *waves scanner at it while refusing to speak, and then stops and stares*

Me: “Okay, is that the total?” *looking at the credit card machine display to get the number that she refused to tell me* “All right, I will run my card.”

Cashier: *stares at me while I run the card then turns the bag thing around so I can get my stuff*

Me: “Bye, now!”

(Overall, I have never had a more confusing, childish, and less pleasant reaction to simply asking not to have to make small talk.)

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