Changing The Meaty Subject

| IN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m the manager on duty on a hot day in July. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Your dumpster is a disgrace! It’s full of rotten meat! It smells terrible, and has maggots in it! Someone could get sick!”

Me: “Well, it’s been very hot out, and the meat department has been doing a lot of trimming lately. But I have to ask: what were you doing in our dumpster?”

Customer: “Don’t change the subject!” *storms out*

The Rules Are Carved In Stone

| KY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(I ring up a lady who got only a carving pumpkin, which are quite large, and she slides her card through the machine. Note: I’m 16 and relatively new to my job.)

Me: “That’s weird; it didn’t charge your card.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “It charged $0.00 to your card. Could you slide it again for me?”

Customer: “No, it’ll charge me twice.”

Me: “Well, it charged $0.00 the first time, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(She slides her card again. This time I realize she’s using food stamps.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, it’s not food stamp eligible.”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not.”

Customer: “Pumpkins are technically food, so yes, it is.”

Me: “The computer doesn’t think it is.”

Customer: “Look, kid, have they not taught you in school yet that you can pay for food with food stamps?”

Me: “Ma’am, these are ‘carving’ pumpkins.”

Customer: “Okay, now you’re p***ing me off. Pumpkins are food. Now, ring it up right or I’m going to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand that pumpkins are food, but we sell these pumpkins specifically for carving, not for eating.”

Customer: “Pumpkins. Are. Food.”

Me: “Do you intend to eat it?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Are you going to eat this pumpkin, ma’am?”

Customer: “…no, but that shouldn’t matter.”

Me: “Ma’am, food stamps are for people who can’t afford to buy food themselves. If you can afford to use them to buy decorations, then maybe you shouldn’t be using them.”

Customer: *she glares at me for a second, then hands me a five dollar bill* “Unbelievable.”

(She then stormed out.)

That Customer Is Trumped By THAT Customer

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(In passing, I have noticed a sale on NERF products in my local store. I and some friends have been planning a NERF based event so I begin to empty the aisle. This takes place at checkout.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? Shouldn’t these be ‘buy one get one free’?”

Cashier: “No, sir, I believe the sale is ‘buy two get one free.’”

Me: “Hmm… I think I’ll go look again to be sure. Do you mind holding my purchase for me?”

Cashier: “Not at all, sir.”

(I walk back over and sure enough the cashier knew what she was talking about. I walk back dejected at being THAT customer and as I return to line…)

Cashier: “Sir, I can’t accept this. This is for [Unrelated Store].”

Other Customer: “Oh… well, how about this?” *hands her a different card with a movie theater chain’s logo clearly on the front*

Cashier: “No, I can’t take that either.”

(This process repeats two or three more times before the gentleman pays and leaves.)

Me: *as I walk up to the cashier again* “You know, I was just depressed about being THAT customer today. Now? I don’t feel quite so bad.”

Cashier: “At least you can tell what store you’re in.”