(I stop by the meat counter at my local grocery store to stock up on some different meats. I decide to pick up some chicken, as it is on sale. Thus far, I’ve been making friendly small talk with the guy behind the counter, and nothing amiss has occurred.)

Meat Guy: “Anything else I can get for you, ma’am?”

Me: “Yes, could I please get a pound of the chicken drumsticks?”

Meat Guy: “Sure thing.”

(He reaches down and pulls out the tray, then grabs a handful of them and places them on the scale to check the weight. It comes out to 0.99 pounds. He then bends down to put back the tray with the rest of the drumsticks.)

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, man, 0.99 pounds isn’t going to cut it! I need exactly one pound.”

Meat Guy: *stands up, looking absolutely terrified* “Oh, uh, um, really? I…”

Me: *realizing he took me seriously* “Oh, my gosh, no! I was totally kidding. 0.99 is just fine.”

Meat Guy: *still looking anxious* “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s not a problem. I’m usually fine with whatever I get, as long as it’s within about a tenth of a pound off from what I asked for. I’m actually amazed it’s so close to a pound!”

Meat Guy: “Oh!” *laughs* “Okay. Some people actually do insist that I fix it when this happens.”

(You’d think that after five years of reading this site, I’d realize that some people actually are horrible enough to do that.)

(My girlfriend and I like going on road trips. This time, we’re flying to Austin to meet friends, then taking a rental car to San Francisco. Since we came by plane, there are a few things that we plan on buying at the starting point; for example, a big cooler box to sit in the back seat of the car — very useful on the road, but not something you’d take on the plane. We’ll buy one at the start of the trip and donate it at the destination before boarding the plane home. We are now joining our friend at the supermarket to shop for the last two things we need.)

Friend: “So, what are you and [Girlfriend] looking for, exactly?”

Me: “Duct tape and massage oil.”

Friend: *falling over backward laughing*

(I swear it made total sense to buy exactly those two things at exactly that point of time, not kinky at all!)

(My brother comes to the cashier with a cart full of groceries. Behind him is an older man with only a baguette. He motions for the man to go first, but the old man shakes his head.)

Old Man: “Oh, no, don’t mind me. I have time. Probably not much of it left, but still enough for me to wait for my turn!”

(Both the cashier and my brother had a hard time keeping their faces straight.)

(I work at a popular chain grocery store as a bagger. Most people that come in are fine with plastic bags, or they bring their own, but some people request paper. On this day, a customer comes up and immediately requests paper, to which I oblige. Due to the size of a cereal box that comes through, which is one of the larger ones, I have to put it in sideways, leaving half the bag for the chips, but it’s narrow. I start trying to get the chips in, without squishing them. The customer stares at me while I do this.)

Customer: *mockingly* “Is it really that hard to put chips in a bag?”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m trying to make sure they don’t get squished.”

Customer: “It’s not that hard.”

(By this point I’ve gotten them in, with very little squish-age. He then quickly grabs it and walks away, glaring at me as he goes. My coworker, who was checking, looks at me after he leaves.)

Coworker: “You have to seriously be bored to come into a store just to antagonize a bagger.”

(I work at the service desk at a grocery store. This grocery store does not sell single bottles or cans of beer. A gentleman comes up to the service desk for a few returns. The first return goes smoothly, the second…)

Customer: “I was at your self-checkouts earlier and [Coworker] helped me, but she overcharged me for this beer! I only bought a single bottle of [Popular Beer], but I got charged for a six-pack!”

Me: “Sir, we do not sell single bottles or cans of beer. The only thing we offer is a ‘make your own six-pack’ deal where you pick up an empty six-pack box and fill it with various beers from a designated area in the liquor aisle.”

Customer: “I was charged for a six-pack when I only wanted one beer! I want to be compensated!”

Me: “We don’t even have a designated price for a single bottle of beer because we do not offer single bottles of beer. How were you able to scan it?”

Customer: “I only wanted one, so I took one out of a six-pack on the shelf and scanned it! I want a refund!”

Me: “Sir, even if we did sell single bottles of beer and you mistakenly got charged for a six-pack, I couldn’t offer you a refund, as it’s against state law. The only thing I can offer is to help you find the pack of beer you took that single beer out of and let you have that; otherwise, we’ll have to damage out the product.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know you guys don’t sell single bottles of beer?”

Me: “Well, you pulled it out of a six-pack, so clearly it’s only sold as a six-pack.”

(This happened one more time about forty-five minutes later.)