(I’m running one of the cashier lanes. It’s late and not particularly busy, so I’m spending my time organizing the shelves. A customer comes up to me, wearing a hoodie with a hat under it.)

Customer: “Hey, are you working?”

Me: “Yep! Right there.” *points to my register and starts walking to it*

Customer: *arriving at the register* “How long have you been working here?”

Me: “Oh, a couple of months.”

(It’s an honest answer, though I intentionally omit the fact that I cashiered at another store a year prior to this job. The customer hands me a couple of prepaid debit cards. To prevent fraud, only debit cards and cash are accepted as payment for them. There is also a $5,000 limit on how much you can purchase in total, with each individual card having a $500 limit.)

Me: “All right, how much on these?”

Customer: “Five hundred.”

Me: “Okay.” *puts the first card in for $500* “And how much for the other one?”

Customer: “Five hundred.”

(I put the other one through, but at this point, I’m concerned that the customer may be falling for a scam; the reason we have a $5,000 limit on these cards is that they are an easy way for scammers to receive money. I decide to probe him to make sure this isn’t occurring.)

Me: “$1,000? That’s quite a lot. What’s it for?”

Customer: “Girlfriend’s shopping spree.”

(I brush aside concerns that he could be the victim of a scam and proceed to tell him the total. However, the oddity of that response ignites a bit of suspicion.)

Customer: “This is a credit card.”

(I know what’s going on, because I’ve heard about this scam before. The scam is to tell the cashier that their credit card will work if you hit the “cash” button twice, which is what you do to tell the register that you are being paid in cash, for the exact amount — a shorthand for typing in exactly the amount owed and then pressing the “cash” button. Of course, this button has nothing whatsoever to do with credit cards; he is trying to scam the store out of $1,000 by tricking the register into thinking it is getting cash. The way I decide to deal with the situation is to play dumb and attempt to run his debit card through correctly.)

Me: “Can’t do that. It has to be debit or cash.”

(The customer “swipes” a debit card. However, he intentionally does it sloppily so that the magnetic stripe reader will not successfully read the card.)

Customer: “Did you put it as exact cash?”

(It surprises me that he decided to put it that way, but rather than confront him on the matter, I pretend I didn’t hear.)

Me: “It looks like it didn’t read your card. Can you try again?”

Customer: *doing the same thing as before* “I’m telling you: you have to do exact cash.”

Me: *again, pretending I didn’t hear* “Here, let me see that.”

(I motion for his card, and he hands it to me. I swipe it correctly on the PIN-pad for him and then hand it back.)

Me: “There you go!”

(Defeated, the customer continues with the card already swiped. It asks for his PIN. He types something in, and the system reports that, of course, the PIN was incorrect. No surprises there.)

Me: “Ah, it says the PIN is wrong.”

(Without a word, he “tries” again; I am later informed by the customer behind him that he is actually just typing “8888” into the keypad every time. He allows the PIN entry to fail, not once, not twice, not three times, but FOUR times. I am kind of shocked he would do this; some banks will actually lock out your debit card when this happens.)

Customer: “Why ain’t you running it as exact cash?”

Me: *feigning confusion* “Um, because it’s a card.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not working.”

Me: “Do you have another form of payment?”

(He thinks for a moment, and then eventually gives up and leaves.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

(I’m proud to say this was my first and so far only encounter with a scammer while I was working as a cashier, and he got nothing. The next customer and I had a bit of a laugh about it.)

Our self-checkout systems yell at you if you don’t bag the item right away. One lady flew into a rage and demanded free groceries when the device told her, “Please move your pork butt…”

A customer comes up to customer service while I’m running it and shows me a jar of peanut butter. He thinks it’s on sale, but isn’t sure because there isn’t a tag for it on the shelf. I start off sceptical because usually, if there’s no tag there’s no sale, but I grab a nearby flyer for the week’s sales to double check. I’m pleasantly surprised to find peanut butter on sale that is a different flavour pictured, but the same brand and size as the man’s. I tell him that in all likelihood the jar he has will be on sale, but he isn’t certain. Since it’s not busy, I get someone to cover customer service while I take the man to the aisle to observe the situation.

In the aisle, I find all the flavours of peanut butter of that brand and size marked with sale tags except for his own. I tell him that despite this, odds are that the one he chose simply had its tag knocked off by a passing customer and that I can personally guarantee that it is on sale. But the man still isn’t sure.

I then see a clerk walking by, one who I know regularly puts up the new sale tags every time the sales change, and grab him to ask him. He tells us both that the peanut butter the customer grabbed is absolutely the correct kind, as he remembers clearly putting up tags on every single flavour, including the one in question. The man leaves, but he still looks uncertain. About twenty minutes later, after the man finished his shopping, he comes back to customer service and thanks me for all my help, but informs me that he put the peanut butter back because he “only wanted it if it was on sale.”

I just find it amusing that in the five years I’ve worked at this store, the only time the customer was ever right they managed to make themselves wrong in the end, anyway!

(I’m a customer in this story, shopping at a grocery store that has a separate food stand at the entrance with fresh and healthy food. In front of me in the line is a middle-aged woman, already looking displeased with something.)

Customer: *to cashier* “Is this salad fresh?”

Cashier: “Yes, it was prepared this morning.”

(It is about 7:30 am.)

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Cashier: “Certainly.”

Customer: “So, you prepared the food yourself?”

Cashier: “No, I didn’t. I only sell it.”

Customer: “But how can you be sure, then?”

Cashier: “It’s how it’s always done; every food item here is prepared freshly in the morning.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you. You’re lying to me!”

(The cashier is already visibly upset because she can’t think of anything more to say to convince the customer. Already late to work because the customer delayed everything, I decide to step in.)

Me: *to customer* “Excuse me, but what exactly do you want to hear from her if you accuse her of lying?”

Customer: “Well, the truth of course — that the salad is from yesterday.”

Me: “Would you buy it if it was from yesterday?”

Customer: “Well, of course not!”

Me: “So, you mean to tell me that if the cashier tells you the salad is fresh, you don’t believe it. If she told you otherwise, though, you wouldn’t buy it. Apparently, there is no outcome that would lead you to purchase anything here, so you might as well get lost and make way for customers who actually intend to buy something.”

Customer: *stares, completely baffled* “SOME PEOPLE… HOW DARE YOU!” *storms off angrily*

Cashier: *who has been watching my speech silently* “THANK YOU! I didn’t know what to tell her without getting rude and risking my job.”

Me: “I know. I’ve worked in retail, as well. That’s why I had to say something!”

I’m browsing an aisle at the grocery when I hear a woman yell, “Hey! Stop!”

I look over to see her probably three-year-old boy running away from her.

The boy glances at his brother and says, “Cover me!”

It was the best laugh I’ve ever gotten while shopping.