Banana-Drama, Part 2

| TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(It’s around nine pm, and only my first week at this new store. I’m a cashier and my bagger is helping me with the register when I need help. An elderly woman walks up to the counter.)

Me:“How are you tonight, ma’am?”

Customer: “Horrible! I can barely afford to buy groceries, but there are little girls winning Miss America pageants and I have to scrape pennies to buy food! It’s not fair!”

(I can’t get a word out before she starts going on about God and becoming an atheist.)

Customer: “Why, God?! Why?! Why me?!”

(At this point, several employees have gathered and are watching her have a full blown breakdown in the store. She throws her items on the belt and I ring them up, and wait for her to stop screaming. She finally stops.)

Me: “Do you have your rewards card with you?”

(All the other employees, most of them teenagers burst out laughing. She throws her card at me and I scan it. I give her her total, and all h*** breaks loose.)

Customer: “Jesus Christ, I can’t afford that! Take it all off; I don’t want it!”

(I void all the items off and she says she will buy one banana. I weigh it and give her the total. She then starts dumping her purse out on the counter and starts throwing pennies at me. I count them and tell her she still owes an amount of cents. She throws more pennies on the counter and complains that she is spending her life savings on one banana. At this point, all my coworkers are just staring at her speechless. She ends up taking the banana, and I try to give her her change of one cent back and she walks out waving the banana around cursing God. Then she reenters minutes later and goes through another lane with bread and does the same thing with the other cashier. After she leaves, the cashier, who is actually a manager, walks over to me and says:)

Manager: “I hate my life.”

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Dora Hasn’t Explored That Yet

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(I’m bagging a customer’s purchases when a woman and a little girl in a Dora the Explorer shirt walk by.)

Me: “Do you know how Dora the Explorer got her name?”

Customer: *suddenly horrified* “Uh… no…”

Me: “Because the Spanish word for ‘explorer’ is ‘exploradora.'”

Customer: “Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to say she was named after a porn star or something.”

Me: “…”

Should Have It Pinned Down By Now, Part 2

| Williamstown, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “How do I do credit?”

Me: “Just hit ‘credit’ when the options pop up on the pin pad. Then when it asks for a pin number, don’t enter anything, just hit the green button.”

(The customer reaches the pin pad option and enters a series of numbers. After a moment, the card is declined.)

Me: “I’m sorry, did you want credit?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “Don’t enter any numbers; just hit the green button when it asks for your pin.”

(Again the pin prompt comes up, and again she enters numbers; nine of them.)

Me: “Ma’am, what are you typing?”

Customer: “My phone number!”

Me: “Your… phone number?”

Customer: “That’s how I always do it!”

Related:
Should Have It Pinned Down By Now

Milking The Return Policy

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a small local grocery store and our return policy is quite generous, but some people take it too far.)

Me: “Hi, there! How are you today?”

Customer: “Hi, paper bags.”

Me: “Okay. Did you find what you were looking for?”

Customer: “Yes.” *pulls out a carton of almond milk* “If my son doesn’t like this can I return it?”

Me: “Well, unless it is unopened or there is something physically wrong with it we can’t accept a return simply because your son doesn’t like it.”

Customer: “Why not? If I buy this and he doesn’t like the taste it’s not my fault, so I should be able to get my money back.”

Me: “Let me get a manager for you, ma’am…”

Her Request Is A Bit Of A Squeeze

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I worked for a grocery store in a town with two major universities. The encounters with the student customers are always entertaining.)

Customer: “I’m looking for fresh squeezed orange juice.”

Me: “Yes, of course. We have a few options between the [Popular Brand] brand and our store brand…”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I need orange juice that was freshly squeezed today.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry anything like that here. We are just a grocery store.”

Customer: “Well, do you think you could go in the back and squeeze some for me?”

Me: “I apologize, but that just isn’t how it works. The best I can do is recommend the [Popular Brand]. It really is the best, freshest orange juice we carry.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not a Nazi or anything, but I refuse to drink anything that has been pasteurized.”

(I notice at this point that she has a gallon of milk in her basket…)

Me: “I’m sorry I can’t help you with this, but I can at least let you know that we do carry fresh oranges in our produce department.”

Customer: “Wait, you mean you expect me to squeeze my OWN orange juice?!”

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