But You Expressly Said So

| Millbrae, CA, USA | Working | February 14, 2017

(I finish putting all my stuff on the conveyor belt at the express lane and the lady behind me starts putting her stuff behind me.)

Cashier: “Please make sure you have 15 or less items because this is the express lane.”

(We both start counting to make sure we have less than 15 items. Then the cashier adds:)

Cashier: “I don’t really care if you have more than 15 items but it’s the other customers; they’re the ones that complain.”

Has Been Given “Alternative Facts” About Climate Change

| PA, USA | Right | February 10, 2017

(A woman approaches my register and hands me four reusable grocery bags she has brought with her. I scan her groceries and start bagging them into the reusable bags.)

Woman: “What are you doing! Don’t put stuff directly in the bags! They’ll get dirty!”

(I stand confused for a moment, but she comes around and starts bagging items individually into plastic bags, then putting the plastic bags into the reusable bags. I follow her lead.)

Woman: “Honestly! You’d think they would have you better trained. EVERYONE uses cloth bags nowadays!”

Me: “I apologize. Most people use them because they are better for the environment.”

Woman: *smiling at me now* “Oh, I know. That’s why I bought them!”

Pretty Sure They’re Nana’s Favorite

| Sweden | Related | February 8, 2017

(I come from a large family: I have four brothers and one sister. Our parents have always been relaxed and natural about sex and nudity and believed in teaching us the correct facts and words about our bodies. I’m 20, and my sister is four. Being the baby of a family with lots of boys, she has already seen her fair share of naked guys of differing ages; no big deal to us. We’re at the grocery store with our mother. Due to the age gap I am often mistaken for my sister’s mother if people see just the two of us together.)

Sister: “What do we get next?”

Me: “We’re off to the candy aisle to get some goodies for Nana.”

Sister: “I know what candy she wants!”

(She runs to the candy aisle, and I go with her, leaving our mother behind. By the pralines, a very posh middle aged lady is standing, carefully examining each box of chocolate, and loudly stating why it’s not good enough. She is very dressed up, lots of perfume and jewelry and quite obviously considers herself too good to be shopping at a bargain store like this one. She keeps snarling and scoffing while my sis searches the shelves for Nana’s favourite candy: chocolate covered marshmallow bananas.)

Sister: *searching* “No, not this one… Not this … Oooh, there it is! This is what Nana likes!”

(She picks up a box; they’re remarkably big for this kind of candy, with a very uneven coat of chocolate.)

Sister: *very loud* “Well, these sure look like penises!”

(A posh lady standing nearby gasps loudly, and puts her hand over her heart in a gesture of great shock and offense.)

Posh Lady: “Well, how are you going to punish this child for being so vulgar in public?”

Me: *takes a look at the box, then firmly locking eyes with the lady* “Yes, [Sister], they definitely do look like penises!”

(As the posh lady scurries away, I make sure to make one last loud remark while she can still hear us.)

Me: “Come on sis, let’s go show Mum the penises we are buying for Nana!”

(To be fair, they truly did look like penises!)

Take The Hire Road

| CA, USA | Friendly | February 6, 2017

(My cousin has had many problems in his life that left him homeless and jobless. This happens when he is trying to get a some money to buy some food.)

Cousin: “Hey man, could you spare a little change so I could get something to eat?”

Stranger #1: “Why don’t you get some work experience and get a job, you bum.”

Cousin: “Okay, are you hiring?”

Stranger #1: “What? No.”

Cousin: “Well, it sounded like you were offering. How am I supposed to get experience if nobody hires me?”

Stranger #1: *silence*

Stranger #2: “He does have a point. You don’t know his life or what he has been through.” *to my cousin* “Here, buy yourself a sandwich.” *hands my cousin $20* “Have a nice day.”

(Stranger #1 walked off as my cousin thanked Stranger #2. My cousin eventually got hired by an old friend and moved to Missouri. He is doing much better now and continues to pay forward the kindness of Stranger #2.)

Take It Or Break It

| NJ, USA | Right | February 1, 2017

(I have recently broken my leg and am on crutches. I have a handicap sign for my car and park in the last handicap spot available.)

Woman: *walks over from across the parking lot* “What the f*** are you doing?”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Woman: *grabs my crutches* “You think you can just steal my spot?”

Me: *trying to balance on one foot* “Ma’am, this is a handicap spot. As you can see, I’m—”

Woman: “I’ve had enough of your crap!”

(She proceeds to push me, and I fall to the ground, hitting my already broken foot on the ground.)

Me: “What the heck is your problem? I can’t walk without them!”

Woman: “You know d*** well that you’re lying.”

(At this point, an employee sees me on the ground and runs out to help. He tries to help me up, but is stopped by the woman.)

Employee: “Ma’am, what’re you doing?”

Woman: *yelling* “THIS STUPID B**** TOOK MY F*** SPOT, AND IS PRETENDING TO BE HANDICAPPED TO GUILT TRIP ME!”

Employee: “Ma’am, this woman is handicapped, and can’t walk without her crutches! Give them back right now!”

Woman: “NO! NEVER! NOT UNTIL THIS B**** GIVES ME MY SPOT! I ALWAYS PARK HERE AND SHE HAS NO RIGHT! HANDICAPPED PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO PARK HERE!”

(At this point, the manager comes out because of all the ruckus. He and the employee start to fight the woman for my crutches, but she does not want to give them up. The employee eventually grabs them out of her hands, and helps me up while the manager deals with the woman.)

Employee: “Are you all right?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so. Thank you so much for the help!”

Manager: “Ma’am, get the f*** out of my store or I’ll call the police!”

Woman: “FINE! I’M NEVER COMING BACK TO THIS F****** STORE!”

(I came back a few weeks later to find that the manager got her license plate and reported her to the police, and he even gave me a $100 gift card!)

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