Expressing About The Express Lane, Part 2

| NS, Canada | Right | July 20, 2016

(I am working at the customer service desk, which has a five-item limit so that customers who actually need help at the desk don’t have to wait forever behind people who are just buying groceries. Despite the neon pink signs stating the limit people will come through with way more than five, but will usually apologize and say they didn’t see the sign. However…)

Me: *in the middle of ringing through 10-15 items* “Just to let you know for next time sir, this desk is for one to five items only.”

Customer: *in casual, uncaring tone* “Yeah, I know. I read the sign.”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
Expressing About The Express Lane

D’oh!

| FL, USA | Right | July 19, 2016

(I work in a popular chain grocery store bakery as a clerk. One of our items is pre-rolled out pizza dough that is kept in a small cooler that’s in a wall next to the bread and rolls. I usually get questions on how to prep the pizza. This time was a little different…)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “This is pre-rolled out dough?”

Me: “Yup and it comes out to be about this size.” *I gesture with my hands the approximate shape*

Customer: “Oh good! It will be big enough to make cookies with my kids!”

Me: “Um. Ma’am. This is PIZZA dough. You can make PIZZAS with it with your kids.”

Customer: “I can’t make cookies with this?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “But this is dough.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It has yeast in it which makes it dough.”

Customer: “What if I add a lot of sugar; will it be good for cookies then?”

Me: “No. If you want that kind of dough you will have to get it from the dairy section.”

Customer: *clearly still doesn’t believe me* “What if it’s A LOT of sugar?”

Me: “It will still be pizza dough.”

Customer: *in a tone that says that she still doesn’t believe me* “Well, okay then. If you’re sure.” *puts the dough back*

Fan-Assisted Fear

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | July 18, 2016

(I work in a deli in a grocery store. In the bakery department the ovens beep when the timer goes off, much like an oven at home.)

Oven: *beep* *beep* *beep*

(Suddenly there is a loud drawn out scream. The entire section of the store is looking around to see what happened.)

Customer: *at bakery counter* “That beep scared me!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir. They beep when the timer goes off.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t have things that scare people! You need to turn them off!”

Clerk: “There’s no way to turn the beep off, sir. We need it to know when the oven is done.”

Clerk: “There are things that scare black people and things that scare white people and that scared me!”

(The clerk is black and the customer is white.)

Clerk: “Sir, I’m sorry but we aren’t afraid of ovens…”

(The customer storms off muttering to himself.)

His Number One Belief

| Bainbridge Island, WA, USA | Romantic | July 18, 2016

(This area is an interesting melting pot of religious and political stances with a generally liberal leaning, all rolled up in a lot of money surrounded by very little. As a result one will occasionally overhear gems like this in public places, in this case a grocery store.)

Husband: *very well dressed middle aged man sounding very angry and looking around like he’s waiting to be attacked* “I’m just not comfortable with all these un-Christian beliefs kids have these days!”

Wife: *even more nicely dressed middle aged woman not even looking up from the two boxes of expensive crackers she’s comparing seeming both deeply nonplussed by her husband’s behavior and very done with him entirely* “Dear, you believe the government watches you pee when you use public restrooms. I don’t think you get to comment on anyone’s beliefs.”

Conversational Weirdness Is Spiraling Upward

| NY, USA | Right | July 18, 2016

(A customer is being served by a coworker at the deli at the grocery store where I work. My customer notices their transaction.)

Customer: “What was that ham that you sliced the other customer?”

Me: “That was the spiral ham.”

Customer: “Oooh, I usually associate the word “spiral” with a staircase… Can you imagine if you were sliding down a staircase banister and suddenly it turned into a straight razor?”

Me & Coworker: *exchange shocked looks*

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