Knows Not What He Seis

| Santa Rosa, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

(I work at the customer service booth of a major grocery store. Customers have to fill out a form to rent a carpet cleaner; I usually fill in information like the date and time for them. On the fourth of May a customer rented a carpet cleaner for 24 hours. The next day, he brings back the machine and I have him sign and date the return.)

Customer: “You got your dates wrong.”

Me: “How?”

Customer: “You put down the fifth. It’s May sixth, Cinco de Mayo. Didn’t you know?”

A Sickening Request

| Memphis, TN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work as a cashier in a gourmet grocery store known for its healthier food options. The store provides coffee samples with napkins and stirrers, and a lot of customers end up asking us to throw their unused napkins away. A customer approaches me with a full basket.)

Customer: “Geez, it’s terrible how sick everyone’s getting. Is anyone out sick here?”

Me: “Yeah, we’re pretty short handed here today.”

Customer: “Well, you know with a job like this you have to be extra careful! So many people touching things and breathing the same air! It’s so easy for gals like you to get sick.” *she produces a napkin from her hand. It’s balled up* “By the way, could you throw this away for me?”

(I cringe but can’t refuse, and after a moment I finish ringing her up.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Thanks for being so quick, hon. I gotta get home soon. I’m not feeling great and think I got a cold!”

Just Another Crappy Day At Work

| Golden, CO, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in the bakery, and a customer came in with a ‘unique’ request for a birthday cake order.)

Customer: “…so I need this cake to resemble a big dog turd. Can you guys do that?”

Me: “Don’t worry, sir; our decorator will make sure your cake looks like crap!”

Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 3

| UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

(On the particular day the dairy fridge has broken down AND we have quite a lot of stock with a ‘best before’ sticker for that day. So I decide to reduce all that stock lower than I usually would just to get rid of it.)

Customer: “I would like to speak to the manager, please.”

Me: “That would be me. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought this cream AND this cake today. I poured the cream over the cake for my family only to find it was off. So it ruined the cake. I want a refund for both.”

(She hands me a receipt which shows that both items had been reduced quite heavily. I apologize profusely while trying to explain that we were sure the dairy fridge breakdown didn’t damage anything.)

Me: “And that’s all done for you! Here is your refund of £1.”

(The customer holds the £1 coin in her hand and looks slightly confused.)

Customer: “I wanted a refund.”

Me: “…and I gave you one. According to the receipt you gave me you only paid £1 total for those products.”

Customer: “But it was bad. Surely you should give me a refund of the full price.”

Me: “Do you sell things on eBay?”

Customer: *taken aback* “How is that relevant?”

Me: “Indulge me.”

Customer: “Yes. I sold my husband’s PS3 last week.”

Me: “Okay, so let’s say I bought your husband’s PS3 for £100. But when I connected it to my TV it didn’t work and I insisted that I get a refund. Do I ask for the £100 I paid you or the £400 you probably bought it for?”

(Somehow this confused her even more. She decided I made a valid point and left the shop in an almost dream-like state. We never saw this customer again and we still don’t know to this day if she was attempting a scam, or just a little dim.)

Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2
Not The Cream Of The Crop

Need To Take A Seat Due To The Audacity

| Bear, DE, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal

(I’m shopping at the local grocer’s and standing in line, waiting to pay for my items. There is a woman in front in me unloading her items onto the belt. She finishes unloading and I notice that there is still one item in the seat part of her shopping cart.)

Me: “Ma’am,’ I think you missed an item.”

Woman: *glances at it* “I haven’t decided if I’m going to buy that or not.”

(The cashier rang up her items.  She paid, moved the loaded bags into her cart, and walked away without paying for the item in her cart seat. I guess she decided not to buy it after all; she stole it instead!)

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